Are you stupid?! Are you seriously stupid?!...The harsh tone of my mom during our conversation the other day (which soon turned into an argument) woke me up from my daze. It was never my intention to piss my mom off nor get into a fight with her. But the word that soon came out of her mouth were like arrows piercing through my knee. It was then I realised that I've already crossed the line...
These few weeks have been quite busy for me. Going out to countless of job interviews thanks to Daryl, filling us ample of job applications and trying to find some cash to sustain myself at the same time really took a tool on me. From jobs such as being a cashier at Daiso, a sales promoter at Watsons, a sales agent for an events company @ $1.6K per month, being a tutor for upper primary and lower secondary kids and even a bubble tea maker at Each A Cup, I've played out every card I've had to get some income and keep the ball rolling.
But never did I realised how much I've disintegrated since the first time I stepped into IJC up until now. I'm taking too much emphasis on my looks, the way I interact with friends and socialise, going out more often and coming home late and being more and more rude to my parents. My prayers are becoming more and more irregular and I'm losing faith in God time and time again. Nevertheless, my mom never loses her faith in me and tries to talk to me about it. It was hard though to be truthful to her as she was never keen in letting me do whatever I've wanted in the past. She would never let me go out with friends, let alone to school at times and she had never trust me in taking care of myself. I've tried to give my trust to her in the past by revealing my love secrets but she backfired at me instead, claiming that I wasn't the same person as I was before and that I cared more about my social life than even my own family.
True...I'm not the same person as I was before. And I'd regret every aspect of it. Time again I felt that had I've been given a second chance, another shot at it, I would have done everything differently and made sure that everything was right....from the way I present myself, the way I'd treat the people around me and my family and especially my A' levels. I really feel like sleeping...waking up to find that I've got an opportunity to relive the days that I've done wrong...
The future is uncertain now and so is the state of my heart. At one instant, I could be bent on changing myself but at another instant, I could be repeating the same old mistake that I've done before. I'd relished the days where I was at my prime but life had to move on. It was never right to blame God for the life you had now as it is you who caused it, you who allowed it to happen. With only less than a month before the Big One results are announced on March 2nd and a job that is still eluding me, I have to leave it to God to decide my future. However, there would be no future for me if I'd continue living with such an attitude, character and mindset. There wouldn't be any point if I could live my dream if I'd still had such a disgraceful attitude. I just hope that God doesn't giving up on me just yet and is still willing to accept me after all the hideous things that I've done...<3
These few weeks have been quite busy for me. Going out to countless of job interviews thanks to Daryl, filling us ample of job applications and trying to find some cash to sustain myself at the same time really took a tool on me. From jobs such as being a cashier at Daiso, a sales promoter at Watsons, a sales agent for an events company @ $1.6K per month, being a tutor for upper primary and lower secondary kids and even a bubble tea maker at Each A Cup, I've played out every card I've had to get some income and keep the ball rolling.
But never did I realised how much I've disintegrated since the first time I stepped into IJC up until now. I'm taking too much emphasis on my looks, the way I interact with friends and socialise, going out more often and coming home late and being more and more rude to my parents. My prayers are becoming more and more irregular and I'm losing faith in God time and time again. Nevertheless, my mom never loses her faith in me and tries to talk to me about it. It was hard though to be truthful to her as she was never keen in letting me do whatever I've wanted in the past. She would never let me go out with friends, let alone to school at times and she had never trust me in taking care of myself. I've tried to give my trust to her in the past by revealing my love secrets but she backfired at me instead, claiming that I wasn't the same person as I was before and that I cared more about my social life than even my own family.
