Yup, I'm getting lazier to update my blog these days, especially with all the stuff that's going on around me. The thoughts of updating this keeps coming from time to time but there are just some things that require my immediate attention instead. Right now, station life's good and I'm slowly but surely getting accustomed to the culture there. The guys in my shift were surprisingly nice and better than I initially expected. As for my case, it's still pending for probation but I'm making my own amends with my life already. And hopefully, with God's grace, I'll pull out of this setback just like I did before.Nevertheless, my issues apart, the idea of love was still in my mind. I've took a step back to rethink and maybe NS had given me the perfect opportunity to do so. The fundamentals and idea of love was actually vague to me regardless how much I'd would like to deny it. I have to admit that the past love mistakes that I've made should not negatively influence my future life. But then again, the thought just had to come and go sometimes.
Just a few days back, I've watched a Chinese love dilemma called "You're The Apple Of My Eye". The story, set in the scene of the high school life, depicts a guy who was mischievous and was never interested in studies meeting his match, a girl who was a scholar of the school. The movie continues as the guy was forced by teachers to be tutored by this girl, much to the obvious dislike of the guy. Yup, this guy, including his friends, do actually have a major crush on this girl but obviously she wasn't interested. As the days goes on, he developed a sense of responsibility to take his study seriously (after being reprimanded by the girl of course) and sets out on a course to improve his grades. Eventually, they became close in the process with a mutual liking for each other. After they graduated, they went to different universities to pursue their studies. They maintained contact with each other and soon, went out on informal dates. There was a point in time where the guy indirectly professed his love towards her but was too afraid to be rejected. She never really did reply. As the story continues, the guy's willful character brought their relationship to the rocks and eventually he severed contacts with her. The regret only came later after his close friend back in college made him realise that his stupid attitude made him lose the girl who actually loves him and was willing to wait for him. But then, it was too late, as she had married another guy...
The idea of love came again after my close friend was in a dilemma of whether to accept the love of a particular girl. Initially, she broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her. Both Him and her were already friends when she made contact with Him again after a few months. They grew closer after meeting up a couple of times for group studying and dinner (Oh yes, back then I was tutoring Him for his O' levels so I've heard about this for some time already). Soon enough, she confessed to Him about her feelings and He, who was kinda shocked at that time, shrugged away the idea of being together. He thought that she was taking him for a ride (or a rebound guy if I may say). Nevertheless, they continued to be friends. Well until He wanted to give her chance after He was sure about her and her feelings. However, she had waited too long and was probably insecure about going on a relationship again now..I know I still have some feeling for you but then I feel that we should not progress further...if I would know your answer few week back before I made up my decision, I guess I will be happy to accept you and be with you in a relationship. .I feel there is much better girl out there (: they are prettier and smarter than me..for me I am just a normal girl, a down-to-earth girl who tend to be dependent in everything I do and don't like to depend on other.how sure are you that your feeling for me is true or just so called friend admire ? I did think of you for the past 4 months and hope time can turn back so we can forget what had happened before that and be together but then damaged had done and we cant forget it...
About Him, I've told Him to give her the time and space. Maybe she'll be able to accept Him in the future as she still has feelings. Moreover, she just came out of a relationship. Right now, He's taking a break from studies and all of this somewhere along the coast of Bali.
These stories (or experiences you may say) just shows how complicated love can be. Love is never as simple as an arithmetic problem with a single linear solution. And when you think you know what love really means, there is yet a lot there is to know about love. True love is directly related to your fate and destiny, and fate is never predictable. The feelings of the opposite side are never sure, just as much as yours. Like a teacher of mine once said, love is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling felt inside the heart. The idea of relationships, thereafter leading to marriage requires more than love to get by. In fact, love has its different way of expressing it. From its conventional ways of displaying care and concern and physical touch, to somewhat different ways such as expressing jealousy and getting into arguments with other one. Love is never easy, and it never should be, for love can easily and unknowingly fade away with time. Those were my opinions on love. My ideas otherwise, well, maybe my destiny doesn't run parallel with love after all. The responsibilities I'm carrying, both now and in the future, doesn't give me the room to experience love. But like I said, destiny is never predictable. So let God decide this...