My Precise Definition Of Limits

   Time check -  1.14 a.m. I'm still awake although I have classes at 8.30 am tomorrow. But I simply just can't help it (and that fact that my body clock is so used to sleeping after 2). It would be 5 weeks into my uni life tomorrow and I'm trying my best to survive the rest of it. I was so sure that I would be able to update my blog during the weekends but I'm just as busy piling myself under the rubbles of homework. Yet, today, I've managed to squeeze out at least an hour before bedtime to update this spot (not to mention the sacrifice I had to make forsaking part of my Microeconomics tutorial for this). Since I've go so much to say, I'll try to break this post into parts once again.

1) Keep Holding On

   It's a silent consensus around campus. We all knew that NTU has this competitive environment where you're constantly trying to keep yourself afloat, battling against smart-asses (scholars or foreigners regardless..) and hoping that the bell-curve would turn in your favour. And then here comes this student, who has no background whatsoever in Economics and obtained just a meagre C for his Mathematics in the A' Levels, taking up a Mathematics & Economics double Major. As if it wasn't bad enough, he's a tutor outside for O' level and Primary kids 4 times weekly and he's now a competitive archer for NTU. And to top it off, he's hoping to strike the 4.0 GPA mark on his first attempt to transfer into EESS. A recipe for disaster? 

   Personally, I can and will never have enough sleep these days. My average hours of sleep are about 4-5 hours over the week and I'm constantly keeping myself awake through tons of coffee and quick naps in between. The homework? It just keeps coming one after another like a game of Pandemic. For one second you may thought that you have it all under control and then suddenly you are jolted back to reality most probably by an announcement of a quiz or graded assignments due next week. And when you try so hard to keep up with your work, it's as if you don't even have time for yourself any longer. The people around me may have just made it worse by "showing off" that they have done their work beforehand. There were days that I just gave up on my assignments and crashed on my bed. It was only then that I realised that I've already reached the limit that my body could take. And it's only been 4 weeks!

   When I look at my schedule for this upcoming week, all I can see are words like "Tutorials", "Consultations", "Lectures", "Training" etc. It's just the same like my JC days, but only worse. My only fear right now is burning out. The exams are only in November and I've already shifted into high gear so early into the game not by choice. I know very well that I couldn't sustain this for long. I need to find a way to maintain my studies and release some time for myself as soon as possible.

2) Sidetracked Thoughts

   Ever since I've met my course mates, one realisation had been glaring at me this whole time. It's as if He is trying to give me a second chance at making things right again, as the whole scenario playing out with my classmates is just like back in my JC times.

   Those days were hard, and I don't intend to repeat myself of why it was so hard back then. I was adamant that I would amend those mistakes one day and here's my chance. Yunxuan was close to me, just like how YY was close to me before (and that recurrence of "Y" is just...nevermind). There were those rides on the bus or times during lectures where I just wished I could stroke her braided hair or give her a hug around her dress or rompel. Although I may have some feelings for her, I'm not pursuing them because 1) She has a boyfriend; 2) I guess I'm not her type and 3) I am certainly not keen in repeating ANY of my past mistakes once again. Though I did mentioned to Jia Wei (our mutual friend) that I liked her, I'm not intending to pursue it or be a creep about it. Staying as friends for now is always the best option.

   And then there was Cheryl. She looks almost exactly like YY and to be honest, I am appalled by it. I did mentioned to those 2 girls about this and they were wondering whether I have feelings for her too. The truth is I don't know and I really just can't find the time to think about it yet. When I walked with her back to my hall a few days back, she was continuously talking about her past, her rich family, and how much she's actually "close" to this guy who's in her clique. She was basically asking me what that guy meant when he said that he liked mature women. I figured from that moment on that I wouldn't stand any chance with her, even if I wanted to pursue it in the first place. It's not that I don't like her, rather it's just that I'm too busy to even entertain such evanescent feelings.

   There's another girl name Amirah (or the Sbux girl as I would call her). Simply put, I would see her often at Starbucks during my morning coffee routine or sometimes during study breaks. I tried approaching her at work and she was basically blushing every time her eyes caught sight of me. Yup, she's cute and pretty and all but I have no idea whatsoever on how should I approach her (plus the fact that Starbuck is closing down this week so tough luck). Nonetheless, as I said just now, I'm just simply too busy these days. Though if I ever saw her again in campus, I'll try saying hi to her. Hmm..

   Finally, last weeks hall night cycling. Apart from the 33 km battering my feet and butt took (plus the fact that I didn't sleep the whole afternoon), we had loads of supper and time to mingle around with everybody. I've already known Jereld from my course and his OG friend Gerlyn (some seemingly nice stuck-up girl who is a contract contemporary dancer). I've already known "crazy mixed-blood" Hillary and her cousin (which I've forgotten to ask her name, though Jereld told me recently that her name was Felicia as she was his SP) from Cheers and some of the guys down there from various other places. And also Natalie. Yeah, some girl that I've hooked up with at some point of the night cycling. She's taking up Computer Sciences and all I can say about her is that she's too cute. There were moments that she touched me and I kinda melted a little inside (infatuation lah!). I was determined to ask for her number at some point during the cycle. But by the time we reached the end point at East Coast Park, I was half-awake and too shagged to even talk to anyone (and then there was that idiot photographer who wanted to take a group photo of me and my friends). She was constantly glancing at me and I feel bad I couldn't find any strength in me to chat with her. Hopefully I'll bump into her one of these days in campus and I'll certainly ask her for her number (I just hope that she's not attached like everyone else).

P.S : Fast forward, the week ended with me hanging out with Angela after school (or not school as I didn't went for any of the lectures to begin with. Well, I've opened up about my love issues and yet she was adamant (and made a bet) about one thing - I will get a girlfriend within this 4 years. This was the EXACT same thing that Ben told me. All I can say to both of them was to prove me wrong.

3) The Road That Lies Ahead

   In week 4, I've managed to set up an interview with a professor at the Earth Science department to talk about my possibilities of a transfer within the next year (it was in the middle of a lecture but I took my chances anyway). As is stepped into the department, I was greeted by an array of poster and research papers pasted along the walls of the office. I was too busy gazing at the research that they have done - Earthquake patterns along the Sunda fauly, contours of landforms in China, Rainfall and mitigation plans in Aceh and so on. It just reignited the spark in me to fight on for this course, as all I was doing there was to stare in amazement and that wishing that I was one of them. So much so that when I finally reached the office of Dr Malinda, I was lost for words. I don't even know where to start.

   Somehow, I managed to mouthed out my name and course that I'm currently taking to her. What came after that was the spewing of emotions and hopes and dreams that was long kept in my mind and heart. And throughout that whole time, she was listening intently and smiling. After what was like a train wreck of thoughts on my part, it was her turn to speak. I was pleasantly surprised that she was willing to put a word out for me to the higher ups for a transfer. However, the was one thing that keeps one popping out during the entire conversation - GPA. The goal is simple according to her. "Get a good GPA, probably at least a 4 for us to help you out for a transfer."

   As I walked out of her office through the array of posters again, I know that the road I'm taking would be a tough one and there's a good chances that I may not make it. But I have to try. I've come so far not to trip at the finish line. I want to finish what I've started.

   P.S : It took me more that 2 weeks to post this. This goes to show how busy am I during the school days. I really wished I had more time but something's gotta give (and in this case, my writing habits). Till next time guys. ;)