Evanescent

   Thoughts are just as evanescent as moments in life. It will need a particular incident for it to resurge in your mind again. Sometimes you may need some "alone" time for you to collate your thoughts and remember it. I gradually feel that this blog is beginning to serves this purpose. It's been almost 2 months since I edited this blog and there's so many things I've yet to share with you guys. Since the previous post seems to work much better in updating you guys of what's going on in my life, so I'll keep it that way.

1) Final Lap :-

   The big day is finally at my doorstep. I'm down to only 5 days left before my A' Levels. It had never been this crucial for me to achieve a victory this time. I've sacrificed way too much for this second chance at redemption. Ever since last October, the plans have been underway - from the finances, study notes, timings, tutoring and even being tutored. A lot of motivation were given from Ben, Cel, my counsellor Aishah, families, friend and the teachers who still believed in me. And now, 5 days before my Physics practical paper 5 (which would be the first time I am going to an exam "blind"), I can feel the pressure already. I've been giving myself a much higher standard than before, making sure that I do not make the same mistakes. In the past, I was too distracted and less focused on my goals that I failed to meet the mark. This time, with my dreams, reputation and money on the line, I must make it work somehow. Across the board, I've obtained good reviews based on the practice papers and mock exams. But somehow, it had always felt like it is not enough. Like there are students out there who are much capable of better scores and are busy mugging now as we speak. Yet, it may somewhat be a good thing as I would not be overconfident of myself. I just have to know that when it comes down to the wire, I will fight till the end.

2) Method Behind The Madness :-

   After 100 hours of compulsory community service dealt to me during my probation, it felt like a bane to leave the Metta Home just like that. The lessons I've learnt there are invaluable and that it had opened my eyes to an entirely new perspective. I remembered the first time I entered it's compounds - What the hell is this place? Omg it's the place for retards wtf?!. It is only after going through with the programme that I realised that this guys are somewhat like us, maybe even better. The "Crazies", as I would call them, had their own way of communicating with one another and showing compassion. They do go out and work sometimes and enjoys the usual leisure in life. But then, words like "ADHD", "Dyslexia", "Cerebral Palsy" and "Schizophrenia" made it sound like they are different form us. Like they are weird as compared to us. Yet, if you really look at our lives, you would realise that we are actually the crazy ones here. Constantly rushing here and there, shouting and scolding others, the non-stop complaining about literally everything, doing dumb things like getting drunk and smoke for the high of it etc. So when I look back, yes they make have their deficiencies but they may not be as evil as us in some ways. And we are not that different from them in other ways. I stumbled upon my draft talking about them and I remembered - As much as the real life have taught me a few things about life, the madmen are the ones that taught me the other side of life, the ones that we don't appreciate. The idea behind the madness in them is that ironically they are sane, sometimes more sane than us. It's undeniable that the world is getting worse by the day. But when you see them, it's the opposite. They just live the same day, everyday.  They don't know what's going on around them. They don't have to bother about socialising (that includes all that social media and clique shit).

3) Monster :-

 Speaking of getting drunk for the high of it, it reminds of the recent outing my camp had during our pay day. After a great dinner at Haji Lane, the guys invited me to club with them at Zouk. To be honest, I was really hesitant at first. It was going against everything that i have known and learnt. I have to admit that I wasn't totally a man of religion but this was going against some part of me. But at that time, it felt like a need for me to experience it once so that I can relate to it someday when I'm in uni. And so I did go with them to Zouk. But when they offered me a drink, I had to decline. It was the limit which my moral principles would allow me to go. I am not ready to sacrifice my life by committing some heinous act while I'm drunk. My campmates went on getting drunk without me. As we get into the club, that is where I saw the monster in them - the drinks, randomly grinding and making out with strangers, jumping crazily to the loud music, getting high. Yes I am a fan of loud and good music, dance and all but this was a little too much for me to handle. Call me conservative but I think that it is somewhat immature and it is just letting you escape your problems for just a while.  Nevertheless, I still stayed with them till 5 in the morning when the club closes, enjoying the music at Velvet with Red Bulls and being a good sport.

4) Talk You Down :-

   It has been a problem that has been bugging me since I was 11 years old. For 10 years I've been suffering through this dilemma with no proper solution in sight. The issue - Bully. Time and time again my character has always been the same to avoid conflict and not to lose a friend. But somehow it contradicts with life, where not everyone likes you and you have to accept that. So every time somebody criticises me, although it may be just a joke, I took it a little too seriously. And when somebody pushes me to the corner, I was more of the kind that finds a way out rather than fight my way out. So it puts me in the light as someone who is a pushover, the guy that can be used up and I hated it. But how do you draw the line between jokes and seriousness? How do you show where's your limits? I know that I was never one with the strongest of arguments or physical traits but my character is totally different. I would fight off anyone just to get what I want. But not everyone seems to respect that. A long chat with Ben revealed a very, very lack of confidence in me and that I don't exhibit enough positivity in myself even though I may have changed for the better. I may have changed, but my constant illusion of needing everyone's approval is killing my self-confidence and making me target to be pushed around. So the question now is will positivity and a much better self-confidence really be a cure to this 10-year dilemma? Only God knows.

5) Eulogy :-

   It was midnight in camp and I was getting ready to sleep. That is when I received a text from my cuzzy that her grandmother just passed away. It came to me as a shock as I do see her grandmother quite often and that it has only been 3 weeks since I last saw her. But what hurts the most was remembering the words she told me outside her house gate before I left the day I last saw her. It was as if she'd knew that it  would be the last time we would meet. She asked me to take care of my family and to never forget about them as I progress in life. Her face showed a myriad of feelings as she told those words to me, and I got a feeling that it would be the last. The following day after camp was her wake, and I came to pay my respects. After the eulogy was said and done, sadness overtook my auntie and cuzzy as one by one came to see her body for the last time and offer their condolences. I felt helpless, like another burden was put on my shoulder. Yet another one had passed away telling me to stand up for my family and to never give up on them. And I had lost another one who had faith in me to succeed.

   Before I leave you guys for this one month of A' levels, there are 2 more piece of news that I've wanted to share. 

   Firstly, the Allegiant book is finally out!!!!! Now finally I have a good book to read to pass the time. So a new government is formed under the helms of Evelyn, but are the factions really happy being disbanded, and with her? Will they ignore what's outside of the fence or will their curiosity naturally bring them outside? Moreover, what is actually waiting for them outside? And who actually is Edith Prior?

   

   Secondly, I stumbled upon a heart-warming ORD speech given by one my good buddy in SRU 33. It also opens up your eyes to the reality of life during NS and after you ORD. Contrary to popular belief, ORD is not exactly a happy occasion. But is really serving NS any better? It is for you to decide. ;)

Snippets

   It's been 2 months ever since I've touched this blog. And frankly speaking, I've been wanting to blog so badly but I don't know when. Because there were too many things on my mind, too many stuffs going on and I'd really want to share it all to you guys. So this post will be broken down into snippets - beginning from the ones that I thought of first. 

1) Divergent :-

   Yup, you've seen it all right. The Divergent teaser was finally out at the VMA's (Don't mention Miley's performance please) and as a huge fan of the book, I just can't wait for the movie to be released in April. On the other side, the third book to the series - Allegiance is set to be released on my birthday month, October!!! I just don't know why I'm soo into this book. Maybe it's because of its unique plot which relates to the real world in some way. Maybe I see myself partly like Tris, a divergent that cannot be categorised and confined to a group or a set of thinking. But it's interesting to see how this movie plays out as for a plot like this, it requires loads of movie planning (Cheh, like a movie director sia..). Anyhow, just watch the trailer and be excited like me please..

2) Linkin Park!!! :-

   It's Linkin Park - Living Things Tour bitches!!!! And thank God for giving me the opportunity (and rezeki) to go see them live in KL. And there I was, on 19th August, on an Aeroline bus to Sunway Pyramid to hook up with my buddy Fabian and home stay at his place for a while. It's a road trip well needed by me after so long getting stuck inside Singapore. Throughout the trip I've experience a little bit of uni life from those "sneak into" uni lectures and meeting up with new guys at Monash university (Yes, that Australian uni..). As for the concert, it's the best concert of my life!!! It's very hard to describe it here but let me give it a shot - Stadium Bukit Jalil is filled with a huge crowd and a mosh pit right in front of the stage. And there was Chester, starting the concert mood with Faint. Then the rest followed - Victimised, Breaking The Habit, Lost In The Echo, Given Up, With You, What I've Done, New Divide and many more. The crew, including Joe Hahn and Mike Shinoda, were going on and on blasting the music, and I had a rocking good time there. And yes, I did that tradition "Mr Brightside" song with Izzat and Fab after the concert (If you know what I mean.. ;)).

3) Small talk and Starbucks :-

   

   So I met this cute girl (who was wearing an SP tee in Malaysia, ironically), who is Fab's long time friend, during my stay in Malaysia. The moment we met, we immediately knew we'll clicked thanks to our mutual enemy - Ben Khor. Yup, I know I know he's an asshole but this blog doesn't have space for him. So as I was saying, the talk continued to a Starbucks nearby Monash University and it was about relationships. Loads of discussion was going on about signalling, letting go, confessions and all those stuff. But the convo came to one interesting point - Questioning a man's move in a situation. So let's put the context in. What if a girl loves you and willing to do anything for you, but you don't really like her? What would you do? Fab gave his defensive to turn her down immediately and end the friendship as it could be awkward. My point of view? To give her a chance. To give the relationship a chance. As it is easier to be loved than chasing after love. If she loves you, then you can learn to love her. You can be sure that her love towards you will never waver. The fact that she loves you means that she's willing to accept you no matter who you are, or were. And face it, not many have that trait nowadays. If the relationship somehow still fails; If you tried to give her and yourself a chance and it didn't work, then it's okay to break. But you can always be good friends, and there's always another time in the future. It was her idea that I've won that argument. But the convo soon swayed to my ex (or you can call it that) and what went wrong. All I can say is that she changed. That's why.. (And nope, that's not the pic of the girl. That's just Fab being a troll, XD)

4) Counterarguments, anomalies and resultant forces :-

   So how long do I have left? To be exact - 61 days to my A' levels. And it's not helping that I'm still haunted by my past mistakes in 2011. Yes, the gut feeling is there that I'll do better this time round. But I have done too mistakes to warrant myself a redemption from this years A' Levels. Especially my mum. Oh only God knows how much I've regretted all those times I was defiant and raised my voice against her. It's hard for her to understand that I wanted the best for our family and that I wanted her to wake up from her slumber. But I'm to blame too. There could be a better way to circumvent the issue but I just can't seem to ward off my anger towards her. And I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I'm getting tired of fighting as though I'm having some psychological problems. And that 61 days should be a full push for the A's. What am I doing to my relationship with my mum?

5) The Essay :-

   Keeping with the tradition after that YY incident (for you guys who didn't know, don't ask..), I'll end this post with another GP essay to display. My campmate Dinn commented that I've been using too much "Chim" words in my essay, and that my arguments are vague at best. I don't know as I haven't heard from Arif's side in a long time. So until I hear from him, then I'll make some modifications to my writing methods. So here it is, from the question I attempted during my first A' Levels :-

2011 A’ Levels Paper 1

Can prejudice ever be eliminated?

   Prejudice can be defined as an injury or damage resulting from some judgement or actions of another in disregard of one’s right. Revered psychologist Gordon Allport devised the Allport’s Scale of Prejudice in 1954, measuring the manifestation  of prejudice in a society. It ranges from antilocution, then avoidance, followed by discrimination, physical attack and finally extermination. This goes to show that prejudice exists in every society, regardless of how diminutive it may be. Hence, to say that prejudice can be eliminated is an ideal. In reality, it is not possible for discrimination to be eradicated completely as it is innate in us to discern and judge others and act upon such thinking.

   It can be argued that prejudice against a religion is hard to overcome as it only takes a particular incident or event to sway the mindset of people. These events are ones that shook the world - the 2004 Asian Tsunami or the 1997 Asian Financial Crisis. These events serve as a wake-up call to many; It has the power to make people ask questions they never thought about before thus changing their perspective completely. The 9-11 incident in the United States of America and the Bali Bombings in Indonesia had scarred deeply the image of Islam to the world. Islamic groups Al-Qaeda and Jemaah Islamiyah had been accused to have masterminded these attacks respectively. The term “Islamophobia” soon became infamous as a result from these incidents. People began to view Islam negatively, relating the religion closely to terms like “extremists” and “terrorists”. But not everyone subscribe to this view completely. Islamic clerics had argued that these events are the work of individuals and groups that had strayed away from the religion completely. It should not be associated with Islam, which had been founded over the belief of peace and preached by Prophet Muhammad. It must also be acknowledge that Islam remains to be the fastest growing religion in the world in face of such discrimination. Thus, it would not make sense for many people to still convert to Islam if they had subscribed to those negative views. Nonetheless, the prejudice against Islam still exist hitherto. It takes years to build up a reputation and seconds to destroy it.

   It must be asserted that racial prejudice cannot be eliminated, but rather alleviated. This is because of the deep cultural stigma that a society may have. Efforts can be made by the government of leaders to reduce such prejudice but it is still largely dependent on the mindset of the people. Nelson Mandela had been lauded as the South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, focusing his government on dismantling the Apartheid system through tackling institutionalised racism, poverty and inequality. His efforts and perseverance through the years had given him the opportunity to held CODESA talks in 1991, subsequently negotiating the end of the Apartheid system and a unitary system governed by the majority. However, critics argued that racism is still significant in some parts of South Africa. There are still reports of assaults against the Blacks in the streets and rejections by the Whites to provide services such as healthcare and food to them. This is due to the differentiating cultures held by both the Blacks and the majority Whites, hence making it hard for them to compromise let alone reconcile. Thus, prejudice can only be alleviated rather than eliminated, that too unfortunately to a certain extent.

   It is a fantasy for prejudice to be eradicated from our world today. The reality is that prejudice is hard to overcome and we can only mitigate its “hazards”. Optimists may brush off this idea, asserting that there is still hope for reconciliation among everyone and world peace. Be that as it may, it would need everyone to get rid of their inner desire to judge others and this is impossible. As the saying goes - It is easier to move rivers and mountains than to change a person's basic nature.

Insurgent

In-sur-gent [in-sur-juh nt]

noun
1.
a person who rises in forcible opposition to lawful authority, especially a person who engages in armed resistance to a government or to the execution of its laws; rebel.

   It is said that the hardest of wars are often fought within ourselves. It's a hard- press idea that if you turn away from the crowd and chase your dreams, you will find yourself walking alone. It would be optimistic to think that successful people walked on the road less travelled. Nonetheless, the idea still stands - you would be left out if you do not follow the trend, whether if it is right or wrong. So this is insurgent, in a smaller scale. There is no laws broken, only differential perspectives. It's not a rebellion to the government, but rather to the common ideology of the majority today. And most certainly there is no arms nor physical hurt involved, only discriminations.

  
   It has been a month since I've updated this blog and this is the first thing that comes into my mind when I started typing (well, most probably because I've been reading Insurgent, the sequel to that Divergent book I've talked about before). As usual, life is moving on. If there's anything worth updating about, it would be about my upcoming A' levels in November. Yes, I'm taking the exams after paying $750 to the board and officially part of the 2013 batch. I'm going to take a second shot at this in hope to better my grade after that lacklustre performance back in 2011. But every battle has it's struggles, and mine came early. I almost had to drop the idea of taking the exams after an unexpected cut in my income last month. But thank God for giving me some alternative to pay up the remainder of the fees. Then came the subjects. The Physics subject required a paper 5 - The practical paper. And without recent experience in lab work, no access to a lab, reliable Mr Ng not replying my text and  high fees for a private school course in SPA, I'm quickly running out of options. On top of it all, my whole exam, including the other subjects, hinged on the Physics paper as it is my worse grade in the previous exam back then in 2011. Yup, there was that insiders information (Thanks Chan JY!) that you are able to combine 2 exam results in terms of their grades to form a new result, provided that you score a minimum of C for GP and PW. But, if my Physics grade still falter, it just negates my whole score altogether. And I can't go to that Earth Science interview with a D in hand. I must find a way out, before October.

   As for camp, well everything has been mundane except for the unseen divide within our seemingly united rota. And guess what, I'm in the middle of that divide (talk about divergence). A part of them want to live their life - drinking, clubbing, women and the likes. Another part of them are ostracised for various reason - being smelly, studious, quiet or maybe just weird. There is that unseen dissent between each other that I know of but it isn't said out loud. Nonetheless, the rota worked well as a whole together and I can't ask for anything better.

 So what else have I left out? Yes, recently I've met up with Cel (and I'm going to meet her again today) for some TCS (only for those who know what it meant) and help for my Geography. That is where I've found out further about the clique and how it have been going. Nope, I didn't asked about YY because I do not want the conversation to turn awkward. Anyway it's better that way to preserve the friendship that we have. And on another day, I bumped into Adilah (better called as a mutual friend of Cel, YY and the rest of that clique) and found out further about how is everybody's doing. Apparently she became a part-time teacher, something everybody's been doing to find extra income. Then it was Harith that I've bumped into. That's when I found out about the gravity of the situation I'm in. I'm not the only one interested in this Earth Science course in NTU, and I have to expect competition from more people than I expected. So much for unfair advantage.

   So alright, keeping with the tradition, I'll be discussing about GP now. So here's another essay done by me for the 2010 A' levels AQ. And it's all about food :-

From the 2010 Cambridge GP A’ Levels :

11)In this article, Patricia O’ Sullivan describes some current issues around the subject of food. How applicable do you find her observations to yourself and your own society?

   Based on her observations of the current issued that are revolving around the subject of food, I find it largely applicable to my society.

   Patricia asserted that more women are now entering the workforce and no longer feel obligated by custom or culture to cook at home, hence increasing spendings on takeaways. The increase in the number of women in the workforce has led to the burden of domestic labour, such as cooking, to fall thus leading to them finding other alternatives such as pre-prepared meals for food. It’s relevance is seen in my society as more and more working moms are resorting to takeaways to feed their families. The increase in socio-economic status of women had allowed them to be more educated thus making it easier to get jobs, particularly in the service sector. Due to the long working hours and commitment at work, they could not find time or find it rather unproductive for them to return home to cook for their families. Inevitably, they have to buy takeaways for their families instead. In Singapore, the percentage of women in the workforce was at a 56.5 % high in 2011, with about 15 % of this number representing women holding professional and managerial positions. his is coupled with the increase in food and beverages outlets, such as 7-11 stores which can be found at every road in Singapore and coffee shops that can be found under many HDB blocks. This shows that food is getting more easily available outside hence negating the need for home-cooked food, Hence Patricia’s views in this matter reflects the trend in my society today.


   However, some of Patricia’s views does not correlates with the current trend in my society. She argued that the spread of multinational brands such as fast-food outlets threatens local long-established businesses and that culinary diversity is diminished. This would mean that the increase in international restaurants and outlets in a country would threaten the business of local establishment, thus pulling customers away from them and forcing them to close down. This is not the situation faced in Singapore. Local restaurants and eateries are still as popular and buzzing with customers everyday. This is mainly due to the strong cultural ties between my people and the traditional food served by such eateries. Personally, meals such as Laksa and Chicken Rice in Singapore brings back memories of the old Singapore, where pushcarts and mini stalls selling such delicacies are a common sight. In addition, the society today including Singapore are more health conscious and wary about what they eat. Fast-food outlets, such as McDonalds and KFC, have been proven time and again to be unhealthy in terms of the way they the food is cooked and the ingredients used. Hence, more Singaporeans are turning to better alternatives such as local eateries for more healthier dishes. On top of that, in my opinion, Singaporeans may find it boring to always have fast-food for meals as they crave for variety in the food they eat. Thus, Patricia’s views may not necessarily be the case seen in Singapore.

   So there isn't any comment left by Arif yet and I'd still need to refine this essay. But for now, it seems like it is improving bit by bit. The next post would feature my first argumentative essay practice. But for now, this should suffice.

   So till the next time that I'll update this blog. I'm still waiting for that 3rd book in the Divergent series - Allegiance. What would happen after Tris, Tobias and the rest of the factionless, Candor and Dauntless survivors saw that video? A revelation that Jeanine Matthews was willing to kill for to protect; that the Abnegations was willing to sacrifice for. Why? (Just read the book to find out more hor..). I'll leave you with my favourite song of the moment, and I'm addicted to it already. Maybe it just fits in to the title. Hmm.. ^^