Light at the end of the tunnel

Its the end of February and things can never get any worse. I'm now fighting on both fronts, my school and my family. To make things worse, I'm repeating the same old mistakes all over again. I am also sick and tired complaining all the time about how miserable my life is. Sometimes I wished that I was living a normal life but that will mean i would not have succeeded this far. All I want was my life to be much more simpler and easier to be lived.

Easier said than done...that's how i would define my situation. It is very easy to suggest that I should have been more friendly and socialising with everyone in school. It is even simple to give ideas on how to circumvent the problems I'm facing right now. Let me list down the problems I'm facing right now...failing GP and possibly failing it even frequently...being very left behind in my studies...still in love with "YY"...not knowing how to communicate with my peers in a more "socialising" manner...making mistakes I should have eradicated ...and to top it all off, I just can't seem to please my mom all the time! I have vowed to be different this year by changing my ways but from the looks of it, I'm just being more worse off than before.

Somehow once again I'm just hoping that this will all end well. I'm not sure how I am going to achieve that but all I could do now is to continue surviving. With only 8 months or less left to the big day, my situation could never be any more than bad. There must be a way out...its just that I'm unsure where it is and where it may take me to. Hopefully there is still some light at the end of the tunnel for someone like me.

Hope

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Its February already and soon enough the A's will come and so will the year end again. As much as life have been not too great for me in the past year, this year offers hope for me. It is just 2 months that pass and I'm experiencing a different kind of life. Moving into a new town...making new friends...changing my life direction...and also trying to start over again with her not on my mind. About her...its all about her isn't it?

"As much as it hurts me to say this...but she had already move on with a new guy. Just give up on her. She's not worth it...". As much as I tried, I will never be able to forget her. Maybe I could avoid her...maybe I could concentrate on my life...maybe I could move on but...I couldn't forget her. How stupid can I be?? Just look at me, I'm not handsome, smart or even socially active. I'm just...imperfect. I've lost hope on love. Maybe I'm destined for something..not someone...even if everyone said otherwise. "I'm not looking for a girlfriend...I'm looking for a true friend to share my laughters and tears with...".

Deep inside my heart holds a feeling...although vague but so strong...that the life I'm living now will be even better in the future. That all these changes is for the better good. Like a message from Him...to persevere in His path, finding Him and success will be yours. "Oh God...I really want to believe that this will all end well. I really pray hard that it will be better this time. Please make me strong to face whatever that comes...for I was never strong...for I was stupid all the time. I really need You to go through all this. Please be there for me no matter what...".

Life turning weird!?

Yes, you heard me right.My life is turning odd. Seriously, if you think that that is nothing new to you, think again. Let's start with school. Missing school have become somewhat a more nicer feeling than before. I mean like you could have even more time to do other stuffs like Facebooking, Blogging and study for longer hours at the same time. The weird part of this is that initially I wasn't into this way too much.There are times when I even swore at people just to go to school to meet my peers.

If that's not bad enough, my studies also became another odd issue. I began to spend lesser hours on the books than usual. Previously it was about 8 hours and now it turned into 4-5 hours! This became even peculiar when I still find my recent math test to be quite easy! I mean like back then I could stay up all night just to study a subject and still find myself not doing well in that subject.

Somehow I've found two different but possible reasons that could explain this. Firstly, this might be because life is meant to be that way. A good friend of mine once told me that JC life isn't all about stress and studies. There should be some element of fun in it too. Moreover with my priorities shifting more towards my family and religion instead of studies first, I tend to take care of them first. Another reason could be...not that I like to say this...that I'm starting to slack in my studies once again. The tons of work can bear witness to that.

Somewhere along this line lays my perspective. I mean like is it true that my life is getting better? Or am I being delusional about this like I was once before last year? I want to believe that shifting my priorities would make my life better...but I really hope that this time it is for real. The same thing have happened in the past..and it ended badly. Another side note is that I'm beginning to forget about her slowly. As much as this is weird for me...another question arises. Am I really better off without her? Is my life better with me forgetting her? Ohh...what the hell I don't know!