Ever since school reopened, I've began to find myself without much time to update my blog. It is a pity though as there are many things that are on my mind right now. Moreover, the pressure is on after the release of the first tier exam (or preliminary exam to be exact) results. As expected, nobody would really study during the holidays and it is clearly reflected in their scores...and also mine. But thank God, maybe I could say that I've "survive" the prelims with a C, 2 E's, an S and a U. But...while things could be going your way, that's where the pressure kicks in.Somehow, this whole 2 months have brought up some morals that could be learned. Firstly...and most obviously, never give up in hope.... regardless of all the failures that you've obtained, all the problems that you have to endure or even all the conflicts and dilemma that you are facing within you. It may sometimes be hard to make sense of all this but always remember that behind every mishap that happen, there is always a good side behind it...always. For me, a few people, including Arif had advised me the same thing, one way or another. It was startling to discover that the answers that you were looking for all along is right there in front of you...Ikhlas, sabar dan yakin. This would be my motivation and principle from now on.
Another underlying thing is that of my fighting spirit. It did not occurred to me until someone reminded of who I was once before...all feisty and stubborn to achieve what I want. It seems that I've changed quite a bit now. Now I'm just more complacent a maybe even lost that competitive spirit in me. With mounting pressure to push on for the A's, I've to find some way to regain my composure and my sense of direction. One thing's for sure, I can't be going on like this. This is just simply not me.
On another note, recent incidents have taught me even further to keep my head in the game. Saw "Miss Flirty" once again at the canteen, dazing away and ignoring the world around her. I knew that she is undergoing loads of stress and pressure from the failures of the prelims. I could not help it but feel bad for her. Maybe I still have some feelings for her but this time its just compassion...purely concern. Whatever it is, she is still a friend of mine and it's just not a good feeling to see a friend go down that way. Saw her thereafter again at the foyer, holding my hand and asking me time again whether I'm alright. All I could said is the same thing back instead...It's not me, it's you. Are you really ok? At the end of the day, all my past feelings for her had already been lost. All I can think about now is my studies, family and religion...nothing else.
At the end of the day, the whole crux of the issue bogs down on how well I handle myself this time round, both spiritually and mentally. Dark clouds are coming and I've to be prepared for the worst. As for YY, I've lost my trust on girls a long time ago. All they will do is just make a fool of us. Just stand at the canteen, reflect at the surrounding and you'll see what I mean. Whatever it is, the endgame...the success or failure in the A' levels all comes back to me. God will never change the fate of someone unless he himself wants to change his fate.
