Reality check

   Manipulations..denials..deceptions...it all leads back to lies. We have been hiding behind a mask of lies our whole lives. Some of us feel safer behind these lies as there would be nobody to judge us or criticise us for the imperfections we have. There are others...the diabolical ones that used these lies to get what they want, whether if it is money or power, as seen clearly in the world today. I'm not trying to advocate justice or extolling some ways to change others. This time I'm just here to open up the mask that I've been hiding behind all along. I'm just tired of people misjudging me for who I am or succintly telling me what kind of person I should be. I know that some would still not comprehend the position I am in even if they do come across my blog.It's time I come clean...

   I know I'm different as compared to many of the people around me or many teens out there. Some may find me weird or odd...while others, including myself, better know me as a unique individual. In fact, everyone is a unique individual (no offense!). Most of the people who know me would realise that I don't attend school very often and I am not really good at making new friends or as I would call it...socially inclined. Moreover, things become worse when I could still cope with my studies and problems (not that it is bad for me but for the impression I make...not that I'm too proud of it either) and survive through one of the most toughest years in school...JC live. I don't need to add further that I don't have the looks nor affluence in any way. I am just who I am...similar like everybody else. I have hinged behind the perception that my family is going through tough times and I know that a few of the people who knows me are not buying that. A more handful of them, including my teachers, are the ones I confide in with my real problem.

    It goes back to the idea that my mom does not believe that going to school frequently would make me perform exceptionally in my exams (or at least any better). Futhermore, it is in the well-known fact across all religions and society that you don't go against your mom's decisions...no matter what happens. Initially...I was like everyone else, going promptly to school and having lots of fun afterward. Not many knew however that in order for me to go to school everyday, I've to defy my mom's decision and get into fights against her just to do whatever I wanted...and obviously there could be serious underlying consequences in that. As expected, I continuously failed my examinations and finally got myself retained. And it just doesn't end there...Ever since that day, I have no other options to achieve my goals and dreams by complying with my mom's ultimatum. Thus, the only logical way for me to circumvent this is to study at home and go top school only when it is deemed necessary. And then it came, the results that brought me back up to a spot not many have achieved before in Singapore...Thereafter it was JC life for me and that's where the issue persists...
   At the end of the day, I'm only human and I can never run away from the mistakes that I've made. Like I said, some may not fully understand the gravity of my dilemma but I do hope that the rest would. I just wished that people would treat me like everybody else but I realise that it is their prerogative. The point is...I've opened up the mask that I've been hiding too long behind to embrace a better life. When we are unhurried and wise, we perceive that only great and worthy things have any permanent and absolute existence, that petty fears and petty pleasures are but the shadow of the reality...