Whirlwind

   Time is really passing by faster than anyone expected and now we are 2 weeks or 14 days before the final battle, the Big One. The more closer it gets, the more stress I've begun to put myself through just to get victory out of all of this mess. And thank God my Mathematics and GP, currently the 2 lowest among my grades, pulled up to a B and C respectively after the mock test series last week. As always, the goal for me is not to defeat anyone in any particular subject but to achieve an overall victory (hopefully straight A's) in all my subjects. And that needs time...

   

   Apart from that, I took a break from all the bewildering revisions and was out with Ben shopping and watching "Real Steel" at Suntec last Sunday. The movie particularly caught my attention (not to mention how awesome the movie was) as it displays Hugh Jackman, after falling out of his boxing career, finding and building his own destiny and identity again in the futuristic world of human robot boxing (ok, it's much more cooler than that). When his ancient G-2 robot was matched up against Zeus, a far more superior robot physically, for the championship, it had been obvious that there's no way in hell his robot would win. But somehow he put his heart and soul into the robot (the final round where he shadows his own robot and fights till the end) and technically defeated the "Goliath" Zeus, although Zeus officially retains the title. This reiterates 1 thing : You may be outnumbered or outmatched by your competitors and rivals but never, ever give up the fight and throw in the towel because your heart and your mind is much more stronger.

   

   Right before I went to meet up with Ben that evening, I was out and about at Orchard with Ms Chong (my kinda hot but a bit stern chemmy teacher) and the J1 jocks collecting my bursary from the Buddhist Lodge Foundation. During the ceremony, a tertiary student called Mabel was featured, which looks like YY (not discussing about her, mind you), and was given an exceptional recognition. Her testimonial, portrayed on a wide screen, portrays she and her mom explaining about their hard life, her pursuit in her academics and how proud her mom is with her. A tearing Mabel then receives an award recognising her achievement and endeavors in her studies. If there's one thing I've known about success, it is that a mom's prayers and hopes could bring their child success they've never experienced before (I've known this euphoria before). The question now is how are you treating your parents and do you really think they are not hurt by your actions? And do you really think you deserve success and peace in life after all this? Think about it...

Post Prelims Atmosphere

   By right, this should be my last post for the time being as I'm taking out too much time off my revision to clear out my responsibilities (not that I intended to). This week turned out like any other week - a bittersweet symphony. You go "Yay!" when your GP finally saw an improvement and then "Bam!", your Geography degrades and the teacher gives you an angry look on his face. You felt positive when you passed everything until you see the person next to you scoring straight A's and B's (mind you, that's only for the prelims). Seeing everyone bustling around the library, staff rooms, classrooms and even the loo makes me more stressed out than usual. And there goes my last stronghold...Geography.

    

   Been busy with 1 consultation after another...from GP to Geography to Math (and an Ice Kacang break after the Friday prayers)...all in the hope to pull through the Big One. Right now, I'm feeling quite down due to this, clearly not worried about the revisions but more concern about the "dua" that is coming out from my mom, my akhlak and my akidah. OK, I may not be some rowdy and wild kind of person who has menyimpang dari jalan benar (strayed away from the right path)...but its clear that the issue with my "great" grades correlates with dilemma I'm having right now.

   

   Apart from that, Mr Zee (The groovy geography teacher) gave me a good idea on how to revise my math that is currently stuck at you know where. By doing a bit of math here and there everyday, it could guarantee me a shot at that elusive "A" (Insyallah!). As for GP, thank god that it's finally improving with a better essay and comprehension score. Next week's gonna be the mock exams...soooooo much stress expected!

P.S :- The chocolate ice kacang above really reminds me of Mr Chia's (My favorite "ah pek" chemistry teacher from Montfort) comment ~ "You do chemistry like ice kacang like that!"(that's in the past anyway...)

Final Recap...

   It's the 7th October and finally I've graduated with everyone in the same cohort. Unfortunately I could not make it to  the graduation ceremony due to a flu. Seeing photos of the ceremony and the pictures of the class reminds me a lot of the past. In a blink of an eye, 1 year and 10 months have already passed by and we are now finally facing the A's. Looking back and reminisce through past blog posts and FB pics, many events have transformed me since the first time I stepped into IJC...

   Firstly, it is obviously "YY", changing the perspective of mine when it comes to love. After last years close relationship, awkwardness and finally the meltdown...this year is no different either. The awkwardness simply continues and it was only at one moment in which she really talks to me (trying to console me actually...) and that's it. About feelings, it have been lost some time ago although I'd still try to treat her as a close friend until now. Apart from that, her constant poor performance and emo behavior (not in her pics really) sometimes plagued my mind as I'd really wished she would move on instead of throwing away her dreams just like that. I've already spent part of my whole 2 years brooding about her and its time for me to put her into the past, move forward and never turn my back to focus about her again.<3

    

   Secondly, it would probably be the conflicts within the heart or out of heart (inter and intra- heart dilemmas to sound scientific). From the moving out of my family last October 2010 and the issues we now faced, the constant chase for me to be at least recognised by both my peers and schoolmates as someone (but certainly not aspiring to be popular...) and on top of it all, finding my identity and purpose in this world. Some would say it is somewhat like a calling. This whole 2 years have never been easy and most of the time I'd have to wage wars between the right and wrong...to fight or flight...to chase my dreams or my social life. Sometimes, I would survive making the right decisions but at many other instances throughout this 2 years I've made bad decisions, sometimes fatal. Hitherto, that dilemma will always follow me around, reminding me of just how hard is it to make the right choices...and the paramount need for me to find my identity and hence my destiny. This experience was never the same than those I've endured during my Secondary years, it has always been about being yourself and not someone you do not even know...reiterated throughout my whole 2 years.
  
   And finally, it would certainly be my performance in school. It cannot be echoed any louder that I've not been doing well just the way I could have been. Yup, initially I was still on top of my game during Summer Test last year but I've been doing badly thereafter (Isn't that like a sign?). And now we are here...the A levels just around the corner and I'm just starting to improve in my aggregate scores. I cannot blame Him for this as He could have made me do even worse in my exams and I should be thankful instead to have survived this far. This just reiterates the idea that I've got to find myself fast...before its too late.
   This is not to mention that the Big One is still due in 30 days time...and this time its all about revenge. The clock is ticking down now...before the day come for everyone, including me, to face their destiny (now if only all of those books could go into my brains...). I am not going to go down the same way I did before and I've got to give success my best shot. I know that God is with me through this tough times and success doesn't come without hard effort. I have to make it big this time...no compromise!!!

Pressure release

   The results for the second prelims are out and as expected, it was unsatisfactory. Not that it was severely bad but this is not the kind of score that you want with only 30 days before the Big One. As it stands, my grades are E,E,D,C,B, certainly an improvement from the previous prelims. Whatever it is, an improvement's still an improvement, although I'd quite resent Sumi for taking away my only podium place in Geography and Daniel, whose currently on an unbeaten streak in Math and Physics. Now that's competition for you!
   
   Anyhow, it is clearly seen around that everybody is turning into high gear, studious and meticulously doing many revision papers and consulting teachers continuously. Of course, there are some "monkeys" who are still enjoying away...(not to name anyone). But what hurts me most is seeing the situation "YY" is in...kinda angry to be exact. I mean she haven't done too well in the MCE, barely passing with a teeth's skin. Recently, I saw in the GO being called up to meet with the VP due to her poor performance in her prelims. However, what makes me angry is the fact that she was nonchalant about it. Frankly speaking, I can think of many JC1 Pegasus students who are more deserving of her position...Celine, Swan and even Alaudin just to name a few (although Alaudin was having family issues of his own, I'd respect him a lot for his determination). I understand that she's going through some relationship issues and all but she could have been more focused. Being a good friend although I felt kinda stupid doing this, I could do is to post an FB message on her wall to, I would say, giving her a heads up.
   
   For me, as the pressure starts kicking in with everyone pitching in everything they got in this last sprint and also the idea many tutors had that I could have done and even slated me for the win this year, I have only the slightest clue what to do. Other than practicing papers like crazy and consulting (or stalking you could say) teacher, all I could do is to pray for that win. Apart from that, there is that mounting issue with my family. I wanted to talk to Mdm Z but all she left was a note... 


Dearest Aziz,
I know life has been hard but do understand that God tests us because He loves us. I hope you gain strength from all your hardship and that you are even more determined to succeed. And I hope you will give success your very best shot. Work hard & pray hard. My prayers are with you, too. 
Mdm Zalinah <3


   Yup, I'm tearing as I'm writing this. The goal is now set...to achieve total victory in the A's. As for YY, if (and I'd really hope...) she ever read this...Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.<3