Final Recap...

   It's the 7th October and finally I've graduated with everyone in the same cohort. Unfortunately I could not make it to  the graduation ceremony due to a flu. Seeing photos of the ceremony and the pictures of the class reminds me a lot of the past. In a blink of an eye, 1 year and 10 months have already passed by and we are now finally facing the A's. Looking back and reminisce through past blog posts and FB pics, many events have transformed me since the first time I stepped into IJC...

   Firstly, it is obviously "YY", changing the perspective of mine when it comes to love. After last years close relationship, awkwardness and finally the meltdown...this year is no different either. The awkwardness simply continues and it was only at one moment in which she really talks to me (trying to console me actually...) and that's it. About feelings, it have been lost some time ago although I'd still try to treat her as a close friend until now. Apart from that, her constant poor performance and emo behavior (not in her pics really) sometimes plagued my mind as I'd really wished she would move on instead of throwing away her dreams just like that. I've already spent part of my whole 2 years brooding about her and its time for me to put her into the past, move forward and never turn my back to focus about her again.<3

    

   Secondly, it would probably be the conflicts within the heart or out of heart (inter and intra- heart dilemmas to sound scientific). From the moving out of my family last October 2010 and the issues we now faced, the constant chase for me to be at least recognised by both my peers and schoolmates as someone (but certainly not aspiring to be popular...) and on top of it all, finding my identity and purpose in this world. Some would say it is somewhat like a calling. This whole 2 years have never been easy and most of the time I'd have to wage wars between the right and wrong...to fight or flight...to chase my dreams or my social life. Sometimes, I would survive making the right decisions but at many other instances throughout this 2 years I've made bad decisions, sometimes fatal. Hitherto, that dilemma will always follow me around, reminding me of just how hard is it to make the right choices...and the paramount need for me to find my identity and hence my destiny. This experience was never the same than those I've endured during my Secondary years, it has always been about being yourself and not someone you do not even know...reiterated throughout my whole 2 years.
  
   And finally, it would certainly be my performance in school. It cannot be echoed any louder that I've not been doing well just the way I could have been. Yup, initially I was still on top of my game during Summer Test last year but I've been doing badly thereafter (Isn't that like a sign?). And now we are here...the A levels just around the corner and I'm just starting to improve in my aggregate scores. I cannot blame Him for this as He could have made me do even worse in my exams and I should be thankful instead to have survived this far. This just reiterates the idea that I've got to find myself fast...before its too late.
   This is not to mention that the Big One is still due in 30 days time...and this time its all about revenge. The clock is ticking down now...before the day come for everyone, including me, to face their destiny (now if only all of those books could go into my brains...). I am not going to go down the same way I did before and I've got to give success my best shot. I know that God is with me through this tough times and success doesn't come without hard effort. I have to make it big this time...no compromise!!!