Game on??

   It's the second mandatory rest period and its good to know that the papers this week are much better than the previous ones. 3 papers were on the line this week and Its not gonna get any easier. First in line was the physics paper...


   With the expectation that the paper's going to be tough, I went in with a heavy heart and full of hope for a first true win. The 2nd paper was well known to be of a time battle and you need to beat the clock to finish the paper (not that the 3rd isn't the same either). Strategy in mind, I fought the paper and finally got my first break with only a few "bruises" a.k.a missed questions and a rushed through planning question. Back outside the hall, it was the first time that I've jumped for joy (not until I've discovered some careless mistakes - the constant variable in this "war").


   The following day saw the Chemistry paper and with motivation from yesterday's paper and the fact that the H1 Chemistry was slated to be easy for all years, I went in trying to make a "double kill". The first few question was breezed by me but not until I was "perma-stunned" by a Hess's Law question - something that I've never expected in the syllabus. To add to the problem, time caught up with me and with a failed "jigsaw question" that cost me a lot of marks, I was officially down and out. Back outside, I felt the same shit that I once felt - after last weeks Math paper.


   Then came my element - Geography. The first paper was the Physical Geography and with the "Around the world as a USGS geographer and scientist" dream in mind, I must win this paper. With all the case studies in mind (or at least the spotted ones) and a few tricks under my sleeves, I fought hard for that win. In the end, I've managed to pull out a clear win for my DRQ and a 16 mark essay but time forced me out with another halfway complete essay. I came out of the room feeling neutral, not happy nor disappointed. Looks like it will all come down to the 2nd paper - Human Geography.


   ...So the scoreline's as follow - Exams 4.5 Aziz 2.5. Looks like the exams are OWNING!! Anyhow, I've known that I've tried my best and there are some things like time and careless mistakes that may be beyond my control. My victory or loss in this "war" is already predetermined by God and if I ever lose, I've to accept that it's my fault and that's the consequences. Sooo, next week will see 2 more tough papers - 3rd paper Physics and round 2 of Geography. All the best to all for the rest of the papers, regardless of what examinations you take!!!<3


   P.S :- The picture above is in fact Kardel Sharpeye, Dwarven Sniper. Apparently this is the only hero in DotA (Defence of the Ancients) that I'm quite "pro" at! To be honest, it kinda fits my character in some sense...

Battle in progress...

   It's the first mandatory rest period and 4 papers are done (halfway there...). Strictly speaking, it was obviously unsatisfactory. It's not that I do not appreciate the idea that I've got a good chance of getting a double B for GP and Math but I wanted more, I needed more! I came to the examination hall with hopes and a fighting spirit and I don't expect to come out a loser seriously. 
   
   Yesterday saw round 2 of math and after the devastating first paper, everybody hopes for a redeeming exam, especially an easy stats paper. What came after that clearly shows that everybody is way over their head. The paper, too, was tough although it is kinda easier than the previous paper. First came the complex numbers that made me commit the dumbest of mistakes yet again. How could you forget the Pythagoras theorem?!! You've been using it since secondary school!!! As if that wasn't bad enough, an appalling, at least exhausting stats paper saw me rushing though it and knowing clearly that there are many careless mistakes that might have been made. On my way out of the hall, all I could say is that I appreciated that God never gave an even tougher stats paper or else I'm sure as hell not going to make it for my all A/B grade goal (call it CMI paper if you may).


   With next week exams include the less dangerous (I hope...) papers like physics, chemistry and my only stronghold - Geography, I just hope that not only the papers are manageable, I could be at least be satisfied with some wins. It's not going to be easy as there are kinda rigid lag time in between papers but with God with me, I should do fine. God have never put me here to fail and I believe that I could finally pull out a victory this time round. May God be with me as I continue this battle, as well as all the others in this war too...<3

First Blood

   The day finally came - The Big A's. And so far 3 papers are done and frankly speaking, I feel that I've screwed up everything. First, came the GP. Armed with a plethora of examples attributed from memory work from the day before, some practice and hopes and prayers to God and from mom, I set out to come from behind and win.

  

   "Can prejudice ever be eliminated?" was the question. C'mon!! This should be right down my alley right!! I mean that I've been preparing for such a question. Brainstorming went very well with 7 points chunked up and 6 points chosen with an OVR in play (Sounds promising right!!). But there came my hidden nemesis - Time. With one blow, it had taken me out with only 4 points being able to be displayed by me. Back outside, I was literally kicking myself (and the railing...) for the lapse. I coudn't do anything but to coin the cliche - what's done is done and you have to move on from here. Easier said than done when the next paper was in 5 minutes...

   Paper 2 comes as a pleasant surprise with a nice clearance in the SAQ and the summary. However, time again made a retaliation and got me stuck with an average 2 points in play for the AQ. Well, at least those hard work for the Compre paid off somehow...

   The following day saw the first math paper and it was expected to be harder than the 2010 edition. And once again, fortified with much needed practice and hopes held high, I went in to clear the paper. This paper never saw the time being the control factor but it was the difficulty of the paper that apalled me. How could it be that prelim papers are much easier than the national exams itself!? After a series of A's in prelim practices, how could a meltdown like this happen??. With an alarming MI question, displaying Trigo for the very first time (like they knew my weakness...)  valued at 10 points and a complex number question putting me out my league (since complex numbers should be something I'm better at...), I'm beginning to question my chances of a win here. Seeing Daniel leaving with a hopeful expression on his face justifies that...

  
   Back outside, all I can hope for was a poorly done cohort elsewhere and a relatively easier paper tomorrow to counter the drop. In theory, I'm still alive in this competition but my chances for a win is thinning. Moreover, with more papers to come, including the dangerous Physics and supposedly my element - Geography, it's anybody's game. All I can do now is to pray hard for a better shot and a victory somehow...

   The second math paper in 18 hours and 30 minutes - Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst at the same time, Exams 2, Aziz 1...

The last lap

   4 days before the A's and my confidence level is still low right now. Like I once said, the problem didn't lie in the revisions but in the conflicts that loomed my heart and mind. Moreover, the current stats of C, A, A, B, A (just a plebiscite...) should make me even more confident of my capabilities. However, it just made matters worse. I'm just afraid, afraid of failing everyone who have been putting a lot of hope and expectation on me again.


   It's always not as easy as it seem. Every mistake that I made, every sin that I've committed makes me worried that retribution would backfire someday. Indeed, God is all merciful and patient but I can't be repeating the same mistake over and over again and thereafter expecting forgiveness everytime. I'm just worried of the consequences of my stupid acts and possibly its implication on my results and my future. I really don't want to let my family down just like what I've done the last time. Futhurmore, I've already promised my late great grandmother during the final time I saw her that I would save my family. 


   Last afternoon, my mom answered the very question I've been asking myself for so long (much to my bewilderment actually). Do I really deserve a victory after all the bad things that I've done? Yes, it may be true that my mistakes aren't grave but a sin is still a sin, especially if it is committed upteem times. God have promised that the door towards redemption will always be open as long as you are still alive. God have never gave sorrow without happiness, tears without smiles and sadness without joy. Unlike friends that come and go, God have always been there with you, regardless in sadness or happiness. Hence, in fact you are deserving of a victory as long as you go all out with lots of faith in your heart.


   In other unrelated news (though I've promised that I would not discuss about her again; I will keep the story simple for sure), saw "YY" again and this time she's finally pitching in some effort to shoot the moon for the A's. Although its kinda stupid for me to tell Rum about my past, especially anything about her(not to mention the total awkwardness when she came by outside the library while I and Rum were having a Milo break that evening), I have to admit that the fuzzy feeling was still there. But it slowly evaporated into what I've felt as caring for another good friend. Hence the anonymous sms sent to her to not give up and to go all out for the A's to achieve her dreams, for true friends would want to see their friends succeed with them too. Seems like this issue will never stop, doesn't it??<3

The confidence in success

   Success has many definitions and it is certainly determined by the individuals themselves. Success can be in various forms, be it the aspiration of being rich, the dream that they could live up to their expectations in academics or athletics or even the hope that they could be in Paradise in the Hereafter. However, how far will someone go to achieve their version of success? And what exactly determines the success of someone?
   
   Ben once told me a quote, read of from an Adam Khoo book, that people who wants success instead of wishing will achieve success because they have a winning mindset. Without the bounds of ethics, many would go through all odds just to achieve victory and success (of course there are also the dreamers who, obviously, only dream about it). In any playing fields, it sometimes comes down to how much you want it instead of the technicalities. However, everyone has a different strength of drive and purpose within them that they've carved to achieve the success that they. 


   Probing deeper, it is succinctly true that there are different kinds of drive and purpose.This could be from external pressure from other people such as parents, poverty and the sense of calling itself. And yet, there are many issues that may make or break someone's confidence on their road to success. Take a student for instance, the past failures in mock exams and prelims could break their confidence as they believe that it is hard to get a good grade in the final exams. On the other hand, it could spur the student on to achieve better grades in the upcoming exams. Yet, that's only one factor and it is already affecting many worldwide. Other problems such as relationship issues, family problems and peer/colleague pressure could also take a toll on the person itself. These issues, if not managed positively, would cost someone their confidence and flair and hence, success.


   Personally, the whole idea that you're already very good at what you do is a grandiose and illusory feeling in itself. That is my definition of confidence.But it have to be acknowledge  that this is an idealistic situation and that everybody has insecurities of their own. Moreover, the past (or even recent) mistakes of someone could threatened the confidence of someone into making the same mistakes again. The guilty conscious within you could indirectly impede you from doing your potential best and thus achieving the success you've always wanted. However, always remember that God is all forgiving and that things happen for a reason. Most of the time, seeking forgiveness from him would give you peace within the heart, conducive for you to do the best you can in any fields you are in. Also, always remember that your family is always behind you no matter how hard the going gets. They are always a source of confidence and moral support and they will always be...
   
   7 days before the Big A's and frankly speaking, I am certainly not ready for it. I know clearly that I could not match the lights of the current top students in the school or nation. However, I can be sure that I would give it a hell of a fight before I go down!! (reminded of the Real Steel movie again lol...). I just hope that both my mom and God would give me their blessings and that He would help me achieve the victory that I need and want. Here we go, the last battle is finally here. Prepared or unprepared, into the inferno we go...<3