The last lap

   4 days before the A's and my confidence level is still low right now. Like I once said, the problem didn't lie in the revisions but in the conflicts that loomed my heart and mind. Moreover, the current stats of C, A, A, B, A (just a plebiscite...) should make me even more confident of my capabilities. However, it just made matters worse. I'm just afraid, afraid of failing everyone who have been putting a lot of hope and expectation on me again.


   It's always not as easy as it seem. Every mistake that I made, every sin that I've committed makes me worried that retribution would backfire someday. Indeed, God is all merciful and patient but I can't be repeating the same mistake over and over again and thereafter expecting forgiveness everytime. I'm just worried of the consequences of my stupid acts and possibly its implication on my results and my future. I really don't want to let my family down just like what I've done the last time. Futhurmore, I've already promised my late great grandmother during the final time I saw her that I would save my family. 


   Last afternoon, my mom answered the very question I've been asking myself for so long (much to my bewilderment actually). Do I really deserve a victory after all the bad things that I've done? Yes, it may be true that my mistakes aren't grave but a sin is still a sin, especially if it is committed upteem times. God have promised that the door towards redemption will always be open as long as you are still alive. God have never gave sorrow without happiness, tears without smiles and sadness without joy. Unlike friends that come and go, God have always been there with you, regardless in sadness or happiness. Hence, in fact you are deserving of a victory as long as you go all out with lots of faith in your heart.


   In other unrelated news (though I've promised that I would not discuss about her again; I will keep the story simple for sure), saw "YY" again and this time she's finally pitching in some effort to shoot the moon for the A's. Although its kinda stupid for me to tell Rum about my past, especially anything about her(not to mention the total awkwardness when she came by outside the library while I and Rum were having a Milo break that evening), I have to admit that the fuzzy feeling was still there. But it slowly evaporated into what I've felt as caring for another good friend. Hence the anonymous sms sent to her to not give up and to go all out for the A's to achieve her dreams, for true friends would want to see their friends succeed with them too. Seems like this issue will never stop, doesn't it??<3