28 days and beyond

   It's so easy for humans to snap at the every mistakes that we've done. Whether we realise it or not, we are constantly trying to preserve our image in front of others. However, little did we realise that sometimes the judgement of others doesn't matter at all, let alone for you to even heed them. As always, do respect others before you demand respect. But then again, do not forget to always respect yourself first. Forgive yourself for the mistakes that you've done, for humans like you and me were meant to err. And move on, don't look back. But never, ever fall into the same hole again.

   This will be the last time I'll be updating my blog solely on my feelings and emotions. It would be filled up with loads of GP essays in view of my upcoming A' level exams. Yes, I am going to re-take my exams this November. It took a lot of contemplation and thinking, not to mention discussions, before I came to this ultimatum. There was a chance that if I managed to get that place in the Earth Sciences course, there is no point in re-taking this whole examination. But then again, it is very difficult to transfer to that course although I may have a place in another course in the same faculty. And then came the issue of finance and time. After leaving the "Chalet", I was determined to change everything about my life. Every issue that my life possesses had its own difficulty, and finance and time is in a league of its own. To juggle pushing my mom to work, helping my sister to find a day-care, finding a job myself and maintaining life in NS, as well as the outside world, is going to take a toll on me. This is not to mention the "punishment" I've been imposed - 15 months probation and 100 hours of community service. Hence money and time is not in my favor. You can say it's suicidal..

   Nevertheless, hope is still high for me as I began to see improvements in my life as well as my family's. Mom begin to look for a job and went for interviews. Sis is doing fine in school and by chance, I've potentially found someone to take care of her after school until my mom comes back. Both my dad and auntie (both my parents side) are trying to help us out, although meager, financially and emotionally. As for the issue of time, the only way out was to manage my time extremely well (and so yes I've got myself a planner). And so it seems that it is a possible storm to ride out.

   Focusing on that bit where I've wanted to change everything about my life, it included my social life too. And thank God, life in the stations was easier and that my campmates were treating me well (including the joy of getting promoted this month). As for a glimpse of my life in the past, I've recently met my 24A peers again for a buffet at Clarke Quay. The worry was there initially, what with a probation and all. I wanted so much to prove that I've changed a lot and, of course, for the better. In the end, it went better than expected. I was just happy to see that the guys are still fine and doing well in whatever they're doing right now (and I can personally be proud of myself for not discussing about "YY" with anyone, especially Cel).

   So beyond those 28 days lies a hope and prayer for freedom and a determination to change whatever that was wrong about life. Life itself is a form of endurance, and the meaning of my name is a very embodiment of it. Someone once said that our names are not arbitrarily given; our names are our destiny and will stay with us till the day we die. With everything that is going on around me, as well as the upcoming "walls" my family must be prepared to face, how far would I go for a second chance?