How I Learned To Stop Worrying

   2nd June. Nothing so fancy about the date nor any special occasion. It's just that I feel more calm and refreshed after my flu virus and chest infection last week. I was suppose to know my second semester results today, but I've gotten hostel fees that are overdue and I may need to clear them soon enough. As I was saying, for some reason  I'm gotten more calm and composed rather than my usual overthinking self. This is how I learned to stop worrying.

   It was right after the Vertical Marathon organised by my school and the clique wanted to have a salad lunch at The Rabbit's Hole (apparently they had some discounts in the goodie bags they received).I was already not feeling good but I insisted that I'm okay, thinking that it would just be uncool just to go off that early. Boy, if I had a chance to change that I would. When I got home after spending that afternoon gaming with them, I've gone into a full blown flu. And little did I know that it's a flu virus. Such a sickness have an effect on you, especially when it lands you in the hospital, leading you to think that you may die any moment now. And in that instance when I was in the hospital, I realised that there are more important stuff in this world other than studies, work or even money. It became an importance for me to solve the conflict within myself and learn how to accept myself.

   When I got discharged for NUH and gotten my much needed rest, I made it a point to solve the problems that I am facing with myself. Whatever that Ben was saying to me, that I was lacking charisma and that I cared too much about what other may feel, it was constantly playing in my head. And now I am working on that as we speak. I'm trying to stop my inner judgement of others and get to know them well enough first. I know that a relationship between me and Sarah is nearly impossible and I am ready to move on. I felt the need to stop chasing or hoping to find a girlfriend as it was never the right place and right time to do so. When it comes, it comes. And as with my results, I've applied for a full Economics major so that I can have more choices in the modules that I want to do. And if it fails, it would just mean that I was destined for this course, and I'm ready to put on my fullest fight for this course without turning my back anymore. I know that the road is tough, yet I also know that I won't be alone this time if I'm fighting for the right cause. I'm making a decision for myself, for my family and never for the people around me anymore. I'm prepared to breakaway from my clique.

   Acceptance is key, and it's something I'm working on. I wanna stop worrying and be more confident of my future. I wanna be happy and proud of who I am. And I'm going live up to my promise. I'm doing the best I can, given the situation that I'm in.

   In a few weeks to come, there will be the training camps for the NUS Indoor Championships and Seniors Camp. I've to be prepared and motivated to be a changed person. I understand that it's hard and it'll take baby steps, but I must start somewhere now don't I?