3 Months Left

   It's been 3 months ever since I've really looked through this blog and updated it. And yes, this is the first post of 2014. Essentially I was waiting for my new Macbook Air to come in April before updating this spot but I guessed I've had some time on my hand. Moreover, there's too much to tell. So, what happened during these 3 months? I can call it more like a roller-coaster ride.




1) Work reshuffling

   During these months, there was that worry that the number of tuition that I was taking was way more than I could handle. Initially it was too little, but after some persistence and blessings I've managed to secure 3 tutees. Unfortunately, one of my tutee, Panittha, had to cancel prematurely the tuitions after I had a fallout with her. She was frequently late and was uninterested at some occasions. Strictly speaking, I had some part of the blame for reprimanding her, knowing very well that it could cost the job. I was badly in need of a backup plan thereafter and thank God I've got one in the nick of time. As of now, I'm holding onto 4 tutees, with a net worth of about $1000 per month. The question now lies in the future - Can I withstand such pressure going into the University phase in August? Only time will tell.

2) The Results

   After 4 months of nervous waiting, 3rd March finally came. At 1.55 p.m, I was sitting in front of the computer with Ben, waiting for the results to be revealed. I don't need to mention how important it is for me to get the right result in this one. The clock struck 2.00 p.m, and with Adrenaline by Gavin Rossdale playing in the background, I opened my results page. The results - BCC/CB. Essentially all my grades remained stagnant excluding GP and Physics, which had went up by a grade. Of course I was ecstatic with such a result as it could have been much worse given the circumstances that I was facing. Yet, when I look forward to the EESS application and the transfer window, I know that there's still a long way before I can completely redeem myself.

3) The March "Transfer Window"

   Although I had the end goal in mind, I was still lost in applying for a university (And yes, I've called it the "transfer window", as in the soccer transfer season.). I had until the 1st of April to complete my applications to NTU and NUS. Along the way, I've realised that this was more complicated than I expected and I also had to apply for bursaries, scholarships and grants. This required me to repeatedly go to the schools to submit my supporting documents and look up on all my past achievements since I was in Primary School. To add to that stress, I had to write up a unique 300 word essay for every admission and scholarship application I send in. I took the liberty to send in emails to some of the professors in an attempt to further strengthen my position in the application (This idea came from an EESS professor at the open house). Fortunately, I was able to complete all the paperworks in time and even managed to catch up with some of my classmates in those universities. 

4) The dreaded wait, again

   It has been 5 days ever since the closure of the transfer window, and I know what to expect from here on out in April to June. As I chatted with Cel last week, she told me that 13 transfer students had already been chosen for the EESS course from the first batch of interviews. This leaves with only 17 spots left in the course to be prudent. The cut off grades were rumoured to be AAB/C,  far off my grades although it may had improved. I went on to try sending essays to the various professors in an attempt to entice them but no news had come out of it so far. Nicole (One of my schoolmates from JC), on the other hand, told me that it is much easier to secure a slot of interview in NTU based on her experience. She claimed that out of the many who had applied to read Linguistics in NTU, 200 were chosen for interview and all of them eventually made it into the course.
   
   Frankly speaking, I'm not confident of anything. Yes, I may had done better in the Big One this year but the applications is a different ballgame altogether. With that in mind, I've send out another application to NUS to read Geography as a backup plan while still holding strong to my application to read EESS in NTU. Ben told me to send out more emails to the professors while waiting, but somehow it's too early to tell. I know that the worse case scenario would see me taking up Physics in NTU in the hope of re-applying to EESS next year but I was adamant that there could be a better way out. Either way, the wait for the interview and results in April and May seems like forever to me, and it could well decide my future.

5) The final phase

   After Dinn, Jaryl and Boon went on to collect their IC's from the office, it had meant that I'm the next in line to go. And it goes to remind me that the civilian life (and uni life) is drawing near. As I further relieved my task as the Platoon Administrator, all I can think about it the preparation for that transition period. There were questions about the finance and time management after I ORD and I've had to sit down and think carefully of what to do. What's more, as I looked at the faces around me now, I realised that everybody than I've known since I've entered SRU in 2012 had already ORDed. Simply put, I'm ready to ORD! Then again, I still have 3 months to go and needed to plan further on my finance and future.

6) Movies

   Divergent, The Raid and Captain America came out in the cinemas and I just had the slightest of free time to catch all of them. Spoilers? No no no... you'll have to watch them to find out! :)

Divergent :

The Raid 2 :

Captain America :

   So that's it for now. April and May will be an interesting month (hopefully) and then there will be June, when I'll be taking my holidays. All I can hope for now is that everything goes as smoothly as possible and that God continues to bless me along this road that I'm taking. Insyallah. ;)

Looking back

   There was that moment in time when I've kinda lost track of where I've ended my blog. And it took me a while to read my previous post to remember where I've left off. Essentially nothing major changes really happen in my life. However, there are some notably events that is worth disseminating after my 2 (actually more, much more..) months break. This is at least until this 2013 draws to a close and we begin a new chapter in life in 2014.










1) The Big One ends, again

   Apparently I've intended to update this blog the moment I've finished my A' levels back on 27th November. Yet for some reasons I've brushed aside that idea till today. So here's the chronology of what went down during this years A' level. First up, GP....
   

   It was suppose to be a good start to my campaign. The question - How far do you agree that "crime should fit the punishment"?. It was suppose to be easy as I've planned for such an essay before. It was not until I have the exam jitters , constantly making me second guess every single sentence that I used.I knew I had to concede to making my first blunder at the very start of my campaign. In the end, I came out of the classroom flooded with worry in my mind of repeating my past mistakes. And I know just one way to end this thought, 5 minutes into my next paper - ace that comprehension paper. Thankfully the topic of the paper was on heroes and I've managed to ace every part of the paper.

   The second paper saw math being contested. I was confident going into the paper after completing almost all of my preliminary and past year papers. Then again I do realise that the paper may be tough due to its unpredictability. The first few question was a breeze until I came to the subsequent questions during the 2nd hour of the paper. Once again, time became my nemesis and I've lost way too much time to even attempt those questions. Back outside, I know that the only way to redeem myself yet again was to do even better in the next paper. Time became abundant to me during the next paper, giving me the opportunity to really think into the questions and do better in the paper.

   Chemistry was next. And I was excited to meet this paper again after taking up some tuition on it and doing some prelim paers. The 2nd paper came first and as expected, I put in a good fight for that A. The 1st paper that came the week later was rather a disappointment as I was trying to completely ace the whole of Chemistry for the first time. The lackluster performance gave me a worry that my chance, possibly my only chance, at an A in at least one paper is evanescence.

   

   The physics paper proved to be the headline in this year's A' level for me, what not with my atrocious score of D in the past year and the fire inside of me to end this misery once and for all. The 2nd paper came first with planning set to be a fresh problem for me. The paper has it's problems from the time limit and the explicit calculation that is needed. I came to that final planning question in the last 10 minute of the paper and it became a rush till the final second to salvage everything for that final question. Soon came the 3rd paper which saw a blast from the past when I've switched my choice of question at the final hour. It paid off (or at least I think it did) when I completed the paper in time with most of the questions in check. It came down to the MCQ paper that saw me making the most crucial blunder in the past. It slowly looked like I'm gonna repeat that mistake  again along the course of the final paper until 5 minutes was left on my watch. It became a battle against time and caused me to make tons of mistakes, pulling down my grades significantly.

   The final subject was the very course that I wanted to enroll into from the get go - Geography. There had been loads of trouble for me in this subject as I badly needed a tutor to mark my papers and that I was also teaching my tutee O' levels Geography too at that time. There are many uncertainties going into this paper as an A was badly needed. The first paper came to me as a shock as ALL of my chosen questions did not came out. Frantic and under pressure, I knew that the only way I could survive this paper was to ace the DRQ section completely. The first paper ended with a weary feeling inside my heart, knowing that the chances for me getting an A in Geography for the first time is very slim. Hoping for the better Human Geography paper, I went in with a fighter's spirit. In the end, I've managed to pull through and ace the paper to the best of my abilities, but still disappointed that the A in geography may be elusive once again.

2) The tutees, the Pay and the dream

   During this last 2 months, many thoughts ran through my mind if my pay gets cut in January. And the only way I can think of to salvage this situation is to get more assignments by January. Then again, the plan was more complicated than expected. My sister is taking her PSLE this year and much of my focus had to go to making her do well this time round. In addition, I've got NS to attend to and the problems with schedule and off days.

   It was never easy to find a tutee after both Saiful and Aishah graduated from the O' levels. And it was the holiday season in November and December so most parents weren't that enthusiastic about have a tutor so early. Yet, I persisted, knowing that I need an assignment badly to pay for my expenses. Alhamdullillah, soon enough I've got an assignment near my camp and it pays for lessons conducted twice weekly. Her name was Panittha and I was hoping to make this tutee another success during the next year's O' level, regardless of her poor English and weakness in Physics. Moreover, she seem to strike me as the kind of girl who is able to put in effort in her studies and only lacks the motivation to do so. However, this isn't enough. I still need more tuition jobs to sustain my family and myself. And God's willing I may just have gotten more in the coming days. ^^

   Yet, the road is not always certain. I've spoken to Cel just recently only to find out that there was a rumor that the Earth Sciences course may not be really open next year due to the lack of manpower or students. Furthermore. the selections are very competitive and that there may be a possibility that I may fall short. There is also problems with expenditures. This all leads to the idea of a back-up plan and honestly speaking, I only had the vaguest idea of one. Maybe it's best if I leave it to Him to decide.

3) 6 months to a new beginning

   As 2013 draws to a close, I find myself looking forward to 2014 with much optimism. Looking back, 2013 had been bittersweet for me and it was full of ups and downs. It began with me getting out of that hellhole to those tough days rebuilding my life again. Now, some things had changed but there is still much room for improvement.

   As 2014 begins, so does my plans after my A' levels. This include taking a driver's license, enrolling into Krav Maga (or maybe Silat) classes to build up on my self-defense, gym and cardio plans and more tuition assignments. Then, there is the Big One results again on March 3 and subsequently the battle plans that have to come in preparation for NTU, from the costs to the course. Hopefully I can keep this dream alive somehow and come out even better by the end of the year, Insyallah. :)

P.S : It took me about a month before I really updated this post so expect lesser updates from me. At least for now. Adios!!! ^^

Evanescent

   Thoughts are just as evanescent as moments in life. It will need a particular incident for it to resurge in your mind again. Sometimes you may need some "alone" time for you to collate your thoughts and remember it. I gradually feel that this blog is beginning to serves this purpose. It's been almost 2 months since I edited this blog and there's so many things I've yet to share with you guys. Since the previous post seems to work much better in updating you guys of what's going on in my life, so I'll keep it that way.

1) Final Lap :-

   The big day is finally at my doorstep. I'm down to only 5 days left before my A' Levels. It had never been this crucial for me to achieve a victory this time. I've sacrificed way too much for this second chance at redemption. Ever since last October, the plans have been underway - from the finances, study notes, timings, tutoring and even being tutored. A lot of motivation were given from Ben, Cel, my counsellor Aishah, families, friend and the teachers who still believed in me. And now, 5 days before my Physics practical paper 5 (which would be the first time I am going to an exam "blind"), I can feel the pressure already. I've been giving myself a much higher standard than before, making sure that I do not make the same mistakes. In the past, I was too distracted and less focused on my goals that I failed to meet the mark. This time, with my dreams, reputation and money on the line, I must make it work somehow. Across the board, I've obtained good reviews based on the practice papers and mock exams. But somehow, it had always felt like it is not enough. Like there are students out there who are much capable of better scores and are busy mugging now as we speak. Yet, it may somewhat be a good thing as I would not be overconfident of myself. I just have to know that when it comes down to the wire, I will fight till the end.

2) Method Behind The Madness :-

   After 100 hours of compulsory community service dealt to me during my probation, it felt like a bane to leave the Metta Home just like that. The lessons I've learnt there are invaluable and that it had opened my eyes to an entirely new perspective. I remembered the first time I entered it's compounds - What the hell is this place? Omg it's the place for retards wtf?!. It is only after going through with the programme that I realised that this guys are somewhat like us, maybe even better. The "Crazies", as I would call them, had their own way of communicating with one another and showing compassion. They do go out and work sometimes and enjoys the usual leisure in life. But then, words like "ADHD", "Dyslexia", "Cerebral Palsy" and "Schizophrenia" made it sound like they are different form us. Like they are weird as compared to us. Yet, if you really look at our lives, you would realise that we are actually the crazy ones here. Constantly rushing here and there, shouting and scolding others, the non-stop complaining about literally everything, doing dumb things like getting drunk and smoke for the high of it etc. So when I look back, yes they make have their deficiencies but they may not be as evil as us in some ways. And we are not that different from them in other ways. I stumbled upon my draft talking about them and I remembered - As much as the real life have taught me a few things about life, the madmen are the ones that taught me the other side of life, the ones that we don't appreciate. The idea behind the madness in them is that ironically they are sane, sometimes more sane than us. It's undeniable that the world is getting worse by the day. But when you see them, it's the opposite. They just live the same day, everyday.  They don't know what's going on around them. They don't have to bother about socialising (that includes all that social media and clique shit).

3) Monster :-

 Speaking of getting drunk for the high of it, it reminds of the recent outing my camp had during our pay day. After a great dinner at Haji Lane, the guys invited me to club with them at Zouk. To be honest, I was really hesitant at first. It was going against everything that i have known and learnt. I have to admit that I wasn't totally a man of religion but this was going against some part of me. But at that time, it felt like a need for me to experience it once so that I can relate to it someday when I'm in uni. And so I did go with them to Zouk. But when they offered me a drink, I had to decline. It was the limit which my moral principles would allow me to go. I am not ready to sacrifice my life by committing some heinous act while I'm drunk. My campmates went on getting drunk without me. As we get into the club, that is where I saw the monster in them - the drinks, randomly grinding and making out with strangers, jumping crazily to the loud music, getting high. Yes I am a fan of loud and good music, dance and all but this was a little too much for me to handle. Call me conservative but I think that it is somewhat immature and it is just letting you escape your problems for just a while.  Nevertheless, I still stayed with them till 5 in the morning when the club closes, enjoying the music at Velvet with Red Bulls and being a good sport.

4) Talk You Down :-

   It has been a problem that has been bugging me since I was 11 years old. For 10 years I've been suffering through this dilemma with no proper solution in sight. The issue - Bully. Time and time again my character has always been the same to avoid conflict and not to lose a friend. But somehow it contradicts with life, where not everyone likes you and you have to accept that. So every time somebody criticises me, although it may be just a joke, I took it a little too seriously. And when somebody pushes me to the corner, I was more of the kind that finds a way out rather than fight my way out. So it puts me in the light as someone who is a pushover, the guy that can be used up and I hated it. But how do you draw the line between jokes and seriousness? How do you show where's your limits? I know that I was never one with the strongest of arguments or physical traits but my character is totally different. I would fight off anyone just to get what I want. But not everyone seems to respect that. A long chat with Ben revealed a very, very lack of confidence in me and that I don't exhibit enough positivity in myself even though I may have changed for the better. I may have changed, but my constant illusion of needing everyone's approval is killing my self-confidence and making me target to be pushed around. So the question now is will positivity and a much better self-confidence really be a cure to this 10-year dilemma? Only God knows.

5) Eulogy :-

   It was midnight in camp and I was getting ready to sleep. That is when I received a text from my cuzzy that her grandmother just passed away. It came to me as a shock as I do see her grandmother quite often and that it has only been 3 weeks since I last saw her. But what hurts the most was remembering the words she told me outside her house gate before I left the day I last saw her. It was as if she'd knew that it  would be the last time we would meet. She asked me to take care of my family and to never forget about them as I progress in life. Her face showed a myriad of feelings as she told those words to me, and I got a feeling that it would be the last. The following day after camp was her wake, and I came to pay my respects. After the eulogy was said and done, sadness overtook my auntie and cuzzy as one by one came to see her body for the last time and offer their condolences. I felt helpless, like another burden was put on my shoulder. Yet another one had passed away telling me to stand up for my family and to never give up on them. And I had lost another one who had faith in me to succeed.

   Before I leave you guys for this one month of A' levels, there are 2 more piece of news that I've wanted to share. 

   Firstly, the Allegiant book is finally out!!!!! Now finally I have a good book to read to pass the time. So a new government is formed under the helms of Evelyn, but are the factions really happy being disbanded, and with her? Will they ignore what's outside of the fence or will their curiosity naturally bring them outside? Moreover, what is actually waiting for them outside? And who actually is Edith Prior?

   

   Secondly, I stumbled upon a heart-warming ORD speech given by one my good buddy in SRU 33. It also opens up your eyes to the reality of life during NS and after you ORD. Contrary to popular belief, ORD is not exactly a happy occasion. But is really serving NS any better? It is for you to decide. ;)