Crossroads of my life

I have never been a socially inclined person before.Maybe during some part of my life I do make a lot of friends...but I instead lose myself along the course of this.When I think about it,there is no one to be blamed for who I am.

My primary school years is where it all began.It was the worst years of my life.Bullying,distanced by classmates for being so called "dirty" and heartbreaks kept following me during those days.I have never trusted anyone other than my family since.For relationships,I have sealed my heart for any girl since.

I thought it would all change when I entered secondary school.Yes...I made a lot of friends.For the first time I had a true social circle around me....but i am beginning to be more and more like them.My studies are becoming worse and so is my relations with my family.It all comes crashing down when I was laterally transferred to weaker stream class.Thats where I saw hypocracy in all of my so called friends.But...that is where i found a new identity...To strive for the fullest achievement in my studies and to prove them wrong.

There i was...choosing teachers over friends...scoring grades instead of game points and going solo all the time.It have got me to where i am right now with some achievements that I could be proud of.But then there was JC.Once again I lay hopes that i will find new friends and maybe a first love.But then once again I lost my identity in the process.My studies are now affected and all the effort I've put in could come crashing rock bottom.

Here I am standing...at the crossroads of my life.Which path should I choose...my past or my inner identity.I could be with my friends and her irregardless of my studies going down...or I could throw it all away and stay with myself to ensure the success I've worked for in 3 years.I am now in a dilemma.Which road should I choose?If somebody is there,please tell me....

Mistake to be mature...

Is it a blessing or a curse to have your own identity?I kept asking myself this very question.I felt that it was a curse that I am certain of where I want to be when I graduate,what i wanted to achieve in life,my life plans...all in detail.As compared to other people of my age,I have instead went through a different sort of life...a bad experience of life that is not apt to my age...forcing me to mature before my age

Teens at my age might be frivolous,not really caring about their studies and enjoying life to the fullest.I don't know why,what or where did I went wrong.Once again I tried to be like them just to be more socialised and make mutual friends.But I am in the end the one who gets hurt.I am not them!I've got my own ways to live life and I am sure that I am in the right path to achieve the success I've been fighting for 3 years.Many of my teachers told me that I can be somebody one day and that I have something which many teens these days don't have...my own identity.

However...I keep looking back and ask myself why...why I can't be like them?Why I don't have the EQ to mingle as a real friend and not someone you only say hi to?At the end of the day,I have to choose...to be the unique me alone or to be common like them and have a real social life.I simply don't have the answer...Who am I?

Loving someone...

Someone once said to me that you don't need to be with someone to love someone.To me,it is like being so close but yet so far.For many of us,the moment the word "love" is mentioned,we would automatically think of our opposite partner.I am not denying the fact of that but the word "love" in fact has a broader scope

I once said to a girl that i love her as soon as 2 days after I met her.She felt shocked at first but later i explained to her that love encompasses a series of levels.The first level would be God,then your family and subsequently your partner and then close friends and friends.Obviously i didn't told her of the true level she was in but that information will be with me until the time is right.

Back to the topic,at the end of the day,love is in fact a whole new revolutionary idea for some.Till date there is no definite definition for love.Some would say it is the feeling of care and concern for someone else while others felt that love is about the infinite bond that they have interlocked with someone else that allows them to go beyond boundaries...it is for you to decide.

For me,I am still holding on to this quote...Sometimes you are away from the ones you love...but that doesn't mean that you love them any less.It makes you love them even more.Sometimes there are imperfections in the ones you love...but it is in these imperfections in them that makes them perfect in your eyes.