I kept asking myself why is it so hard to be a good person. No matter how hard I tried to be good, I’ve always did the same mistakes again and again and again. What is wrong with me!? It’s not as if I’m stupid nor I’m naïve. I am fully aware of what I’m doing. But I still did it anyway. If this was my downfall, then I could not blame anyone, irregardless if there is someone to put the blame on. I have to blame myself for my own downfall. It’s not as if I did not tried to be better…but it seems that all the effort I’ve put in will always be spoiled by my own same mistakes time and time again. Some may claim that it is my guilty conscious that is still keeping me from going bad. But I’ve already deemed myself bad…rotten piece of shit for making the same mistakes again. I don’t aspire to be the most perfect human in the world…all I’ve ever wanted is to make God and my family, especially my mom happy. What should I do now? Should I just continue trying or should I give up and let myself be strayed away in the darkness? There is a quote…”Our greatest glory is not in never failing…but in rising up every time we fail”. Deep down inside my heart, I do wish that this is really true and it is reality…but I am just plainly confused right now. I do know the right way…I do know what I should do but I just keep on doing it. When will it all end!? All I can hope now that I will be able to change before its too late. If I’m unsuccessful, I may not be able to redeem myself anymore as I was already given a second chance in life…but I still failed.
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