Light at the end of the tunnel

Its the end of February and things can never get any worse. I'm now fighting on both fronts, my school and my family. To make things worse, I'm repeating the same old mistakes all over again. I am also sick and tired complaining all the time about how miserable my life is. Sometimes I wished that I was living a normal life but that will mean i would not have succeeded this far. All I want was my life to be much more simpler and easier to be lived.

Easier said than done...that's how i would define my situation. It is very easy to suggest that I should have been more friendly and socialising with everyone in school. It is even simple to give ideas on how to circumvent the problems I'm facing right now. Let me list down the problems I'm facing right now...failing GP and possibly failing it even frequently...being very left behind in my studies...still in love with "YY"...not knowing how to communicate with my peers in a more "socialising" manner...making mistakes I should have eradicated ...and to top it all off, I just can't seem to please my mom all the time! I have vowed to be different this year by changing my ways but from the looks of it, I'm just being more worse off than before.

Somehow once again I'm just hoping that this will all end well. I'm not sure how I am going to achieve that but all I could do now is to continue surviving. With only 8 months or less left to the big day, my situation could never be any more than bad. There must be a way out...its just that I'm unsure where it is and where it may take me to. Hopefully there is still some light at the end of the tunnel for someone like me.

Hope

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Its February already and soon enough the A's will come and so will the year end again. As much as life have been not too great for me in the past year, this year offers hope for me. It is just 2 months that pass and I'm experiencing a different kind of life. Moving into a new town...making new friends...changing my life direction...and also trying to start over again with her not on my mind. About her...its all about her isn't it?

"As much as it hurts me to say this...but she had already move on with a new guy. Just give up on her. She's not worth it...". As much as I tried, I will never be able to forget her. Maybe I could avoid her...maybe I could concentrate on my life...maybe I could move on but...I couldn't forget her. How stupid can I be?? Just look at me, I'm not handsome, smart or even socially active. I'm just...imperfect. I've lost hope on love. Maybe I'm destined for something..not someone...even if everyone said otherwise. "I'm not looking for a girlfriend...I'm looking for a true friend to share my laughters and tears with...".

Deep inside my heart holds a feeling...although vague but so strong...that the life I'm living now will be even better in the future. That all these changes is for the better good. Like a message from Him...to persevere in His path, finding Him and success will be yours. "Oh God...I really want to believe that this will all end well. I really pray hard that it will be better this time. Please make me strong to face whatever that comes...for I was never strong...for I was stupid all the time. I really need You to go through all this. Please be there for me no matter what...".