Over my head

   With only 1 more paper to go before my first tier exams are over, I've found myself some time to write my blog again. Once again, a lot of thought have been going through my mind lately. Although the exams had been going quite ok, I'm still feeling quite the same...not happy nor sad. Just thinking about how much effort I've wasted trying to be what I'm not suppose to be. For months I've been chasing the friends I've wanted to be with, the life I've never had. I didn't realise that this "issue" is just the same everywhere. There will always be the popular kids...the jocks...the nerds...the slackers...and obviously the wierdos, shunned by everyone in school or even workplaces.
   As much as people said this and that, I should know by now that I can never be going up to these "popular kids" just like that. Come on! Please realise that both you and I are not of the same social status." I'm not blaming them for being like that. I mean that everyone have their own story, and it is certainly ridiculous to say that they've never been into heartbreaks and problems before. But, that have never affected the way their friends perceived them. So the question right now is...why does it affect me?
   As for her, from time to time I do prayed that she will open heart to me one day. Come to think about it right now, it is just stupid to do that. Maybe it is hard to accept it at that time that the reason we could not be together is because we're just two different people. But now I feel that there is no point even being friends with her whereas she's just going to hurt me time and time again. There's no denying that I'd still miss her every time I see her face...but I know it is just futile for her to be mine. I should have walked away a long time ago...
   Maybe I've just went out of line in this instance. I should have let go of this issue umpteen times ago. The friends I have around me should be enough for me. Why should I chase after them whereas they do not even want to see the sight of me around them. That includes her. I may still love you...but with every time you stab my heart, it will slowly becomes numb until it comes to the point that even my feelings for you doesn't matter anymore...