It's Tuesday, the second day of Chinese New Year and it's a long holiday. For the Chinese, it's the time to visit relatives and collect Ang Pows (or red packets of cash) along the way. For the rest, they are on an extended holiday overseas. This week had been especially bittersweet for me as last Friday was my last day of work at Zen gift and hamper company as they were moving out. Furthermore, there was the class BBQ later and "somebody" wasn't expected to be invited..
During my 3 weeks with Zen, the experiences faced was like a dream for me. Although I'd quite resented with the below average pay of $5 per hour and the fact that my manager did not really understand my predicament, the feeling of being accepted by friends and co-workers and being treated as "someone" for the very first time is somehow grandiose, if not illusory. Although it only lasted for only 3 weeks, it felt like a few months or years. In just days I bonded closely with my co-workers like never before, going out and having lunch with them and having lots of chit-chat and laughs during work. I know it sounds very melodramatic but only people who comprehend and treasure true friendship would relate to this. Every detail, regardless how minuscule it is could make a huge impact in your heart. So when the day comes for me to leave (coincidentally it was also the BBQ day), I'd admit that I was kinda feeling emo about it. I retrieve my final pay and took a few photos before I waved goodbyes to all of the guys there. Although I hate to admit it, but deep down I know that there could be a possibility that such a "dream" may never happen again. So once again my thank you goes out to the cool CSO's - especially Lina and Small Sarah, my great assistants - Asotha and Cik Nur, the great guys at processing - "Troll" Matthew, Alex, William and Daryl, and the "Boss" (no pun intended). I'm grateful that for once, I was accepted by the people around me to be myself again.
30 minutes after I left the office, I was on a train ride to Choa Chu Kang to meet up with my classmates and prep the BBQ at Mr Ma's condominium. What enticed me to go on with my intention is the fact that no matter what happens, this will always be my class and they would always be my classmates. Moreover, I would never let 1 girl ruin my mood, let alone my life. I want to prove to them that I'm matured enough to think and act where I see fit, not to mention still being the same guy I've always been. I know very well that no matter what I do, it would not change their ingrained perception about me. Hence, I'm going there just to have fun regardless of anyone's prejudice.
Before meeting Rum and Yu Ying at Lot 1 Mac, I've did some clothes shopping and changed into new clothes. After meeting the guys, we've set out to Mr Ma's condo and set up the pit. In the midst of preparation for the BBQ, YY showed up together with Celine. She was in a nice blue dress and with a neatly tied ponytail and Celine was wearing casual tees and shorts. After the years of school life and a great experience at work, I've learnt to be more casual and mature in my reactions towards others. Though I did not really talked to her, I did try to be more sociable and exchange gestures and conversations with her. Slowly, the guys keep streaming into the party (yup, this time Sumi really did came!) and the food's beginning to flow (so are the jokes!). During the time, I did chat with Celine about YY. According to her, YY's now working at YMCA right off at Orchard Road. It was utter coincidence that she works at the same place with Hiew Li Young, my crush in the past and that she also do have the same complexions as her. That's when I realised that I was attracted to such girls and that I was never compatible with them, let alone be in their company of friends. I don't need to explain about how she is or what are her characters as I've been talking too much about it in the past. All I've realised is that I don't really love her at all and that my feelings are actually illusions of lust (if that's what you want to call it..). The BBQ ended late and some went home while others hanged out a little bit for supper and booze.
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Dreams and reality are not often parallel to one another and above such is an epitome. In a single day, I've seen both side of the coin - One an atmosphere leaning towards fun, laughter and friendship with acceptance as its core, while another an atmosphere based on popularity to gain such privileges. Once again, I'm not trying to be exaggerative about this but this situation could only be understood by the few who've went through it and could relate to this. As for now, I'm part of the 2% unemployed "workforce" until I find a new replacement job. The situation's keep changing with my mom also finding a job and my sister needing somebody to take care of her during the after hours. Hopefully the atmosphere in the new job would be the same as my previous job...<3
"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream..." ~Vincent Van Goth (Dutch painter, 1853-1890)
The funny thing about blogging is that you tend to pour your mind out on a website that everyone has access to (so much for secret diaries..). But as technology and minds advance, more innovative methods have been devised to satisfy the needs of expressing your mind rather than the conventional way of jotting down in books. Anyway, moving along from that, I have wanted to update the blog earlier but there was that "thing" with time as usual. Furthermore, my new work life have taught me a thing or two about life.
Love. Ever since that fiasco more than a year ago, my new dogma was that love kills friendship and that between love and friendship towards the one you're fond of, friendship lasts longer than love. Moreover, if you take the relationship 1 step further, there could be a serious backfire. I am fond of one of my colleagues at work and frankly speaking, she was a great friend of sorts. Put it this way - It's a similar case to that of YY. Consumed by the illusions of love, I've hastily made a confession only to find my close friendship with YY gone for good. But this time I've avoided the same mistake I did in the past. Hence, it paid off when I found out that she was already taken by another guy. Enough said there...
Thanks to the many A' level leavers (and O' level leavers) working together with me, I've been discussing intently with them about studies, exams and results. It became even more of a hot topic when the O' level results are out, boasting people like Sarah and Jasmine getting 11 and 13 points respectively and Auntie Leni, giving me a shocking 15 points for her results. Its unfortunate to say that I'm still unsatisfied, sad and even frustrated with my exams although the results of the Big One would only be known in the 1st week of March. I felt that had I was given a second shot in the A' levels, I would make everything right and would never regret every single moment of it. Now, my dreams of being a USGS Scientist hangs in the balance due to my lacklustre performance. Yes, God is always there to help me. How will all this plays out is still in His will...
Coupled with my recent job was my sister's admission to a new school. It is only then where you realise that what's more harder than studying is to teach someone instead. And yes, I've got to admit that my sister is struggling with her new studies. She only has 2 years to pull out a miracle in the PSLE and go into a reputable secondary school. My mom was optimistic about her and was adamant that she could catch up in time. As for me, on the other hand, she will need all the help she needs to pull out such a stunt be it tuishen, extra homework and mugging and extra teaching from me or my mom. While it's true that she would be able to catch up somehow, I'm not leaving anything to chance.
On a more lighter side of life, Gilbert and the gang are hosting a BBQ at Mr Ma's (our "China" math teacher) condominium this Friday. I seriously can't wait for it although I may have to work on the day itself. Furthermore, it would be my last day at the job and I'm already planning my schedule for that day. However, I just found out today that there would be a "slight" problem with the outing. Apparently Celine have invited YY to the BBQ this Friday and Gilbert acknowledges it, citing that she was once part of 24A (that was only for 2 months at the beginning of the year). Soooooo...now that YY's been invited to "gatecrash" the party, where does this leaves me? Should I still go for the party or ditch it altogether? We'll see about that on Friday...<3
I've always believed that passion overrides money. That turns out to be one of the core reasons why I left the telemarketing company. I guess it's environment is just not conducive for me. After feigning an official resignation to the company, claiming that "my NS came too early", I was out and about again finding a new job. And there I found it - a simple job of doing admin of orders for a gift and hamper company. The pay may be low with only $5 per hour but the working hours compensated for it, making it $40 per day. This is compared to $7 per hour for 5 hours, giving me $35 per day instead from my previous employer.
Yes, I do have my initial doubts about the job, such as the environment and the long working hours. The idea of having to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours and bore to death freaks me out. Moreover, Ben had already got me thinking by telling me that his admin job is boring. But thank God that the job is different from what I expected. Working environment's pleasant, relevant and substantial amounts of slacking time and great colleagues from the CSOs (Customer Service Officers) , the guys at processing and even the drivers (not to mention the boss...). They range from O' level leavers, some who want to make it big and guys who just want some working experiences. Although there are rumours that the job is temporary and would only last until 20th of January, at least the job suits me perfectly.With the job offer at Fish and Co. turning into a false hope, this job becomes increasingly important to me. This would be the status quo for now.
There were also other things that came into mind. One of my colleagues Sarah, who is an O' level leaver waiting for her results, was taking her bursary today and her results on Monday. Although I was happy for her, I can't help but wonder what had happened to me and my results after all these years. In the past, bursaries were a norm to me and that I was always doing well in school, especially during my prime in secondary 4. And then came my college years where my attitude and hence my results disintegrated. It all seems as if I've lost a sense of myself and that I've went wrong somewhere. With only 2 months left (trust me, that is a really short amount of time..) before the release of my results and the very fact that I did not get any bursaries during college, I'm slowly losing hope in myself. Maybe it's time for me to see my own failure at this juncture, like a deja vu from the incident 5 years back.
Yes, it's true that God is not cruel but everyone has to pay the price of defiance. It is also true that God is All Forgiving but are we really deserving of it? And how much have we done to seek forgiveness? It's easy to rest on our laurels thinking that the All Merciful God will save and forgive us regardless of the gravity of our mistakes. But retribution is inevitable and it's part of justice. In the end, only God has the ultimatum on everyone's destiny. What the future may hold is still a mystery...
This is a personal story about a close friend of mine whom I've met during my college years. I've lost contact of him since last year after he left his junior college for the real reasons I intend to share. Will our fates intersect again in the future? Only God knows...
Even before he was a student of this school, he already knew that life would never be any easier. While others lamented about common issues like home works and exams, he had to focus all his energy to better the lives of his family and himself. Everyday he prays that someday, somehow his life would be better and that his family would achieve success both in this world and the world to come, even though things get worse day by day. He understands that life is never easy but he strongly believes that happiness at home and at school could be achieved together.
He was never the best in his studies, just as he was around others. Having a social life was hard for him due to the mounting pressure at home. While friends have a good night out on Saturday's, he would be attending to his sick mother at home. It did not help when his father's perception of schools was that it is ineffective in bringing good grades for it's students and that studying at home serves to be a better option and way to achieve the same goal and help the family out with their income at the same time.
He could never understand his identity and destiny from the beginning. He felt that he was average in literally everything: not the smartest yet not the dumbest, not the most popular among friends and schoolmates but was never a weirdo, was never rich but not the poorest, was never handsome but was never born ugly... He wished that he could live the same lives just as others of his age. He did hope for simple things like time and money to hang out with friends, to own the latest gadgets and clothings or to have a girl that is fond of him but he knew that all this was hardly impossible now.
He had a unique ability to easily understand the sentiments and feelings others around him may hold through their words and tone and their actions. With such maturity of thought, he could comprehend complicated and intrinsic issues such as love and relationships, friends and enemies and problems that are withheld by others when they opened their hearts to him. Unfortunately he doesn't have the ability to understand himself. The mistakes that he had done constantly haunts him due to the very fact that he knows exactly what he was doing was wrong. He knows what is right, but chose the wrong instead for no reason. There was a constant conflict in his heart- a part of him telling him to do what's right while another part of him just advocating him to do the wrong things. His mind and heart is fickle and sometimes his action may seem irrational to his thinking but he does it anyway. He hopes, day by day, that he would finally be able to be a good son, brother and a faithful servant of God just to find that reality is far-fetched from that. A few knew his problem but none of them understands what it is like to have 2 persona, constantly at wars with each other.
It all became worse as the year end approaches and the Promotional Exams looms around the corner. More problems started cropping up at home and he begins to skip school even more frequently than ever. Although it was clear that he was trying to make ends meet, scoring for a promotion to JC2 while keeping his family alive and intact, the situation was too tough for him alone to handle. In the end, he had to make the sacrifice for the sake of his family...
Being a teenager is already tough with many decisions that are needed to be made at the crossroads of life. It becomes even more complicated when the teenager was forced to mature early to take over the helms of their own family. It is hard for this situation to be understood by others, if not impossible as it really takes one to know one. It is every teenagers dream to be like any other teenagers, living a carefree life while they had all the liberty to before they begin adulthood. But not every teenager had such a "treasured" privilege. And he is not the only one...<3
It's Tuesday, the second day of Chinese New Year and it's a long holiday. For the Chinese, it's the time to visit relatives and collect Ang Pows (or red packets of cash) along the way. For the rest, they are on an extended holiday overseas. This week had been especially bittersweet for me as last Friday was my last day of work at Zen gift and hamper company as they were moving out. Furthermore, there was the class BBQ later and "somebody" wasn't expected to be invited..
During my 3 weeks with Zen, the experiences faced was like a dream for me. Although I'd quite resented with the below average pay of $5 per hour and the fact that my manager did not really understand my predicament, the feeling of being accepted by friends and co-workers and being treated as "someone" for the very first time is somehow grandiose, if not illusory. Although it only lasted for only 3 weeks, it felt like a few months or years. In just days I bonded closely with my co-workers like never before, going out and having lunch with them and having lots of chit-chat and laughs during work. I know it sounds very melodramatic but only people who comprehend and treasure true friendship would relate to this. Every detail, regardless how minuscule it is could make a huge impact in your heart. So when the day comes for me to leave (coincidentally it was also the BBQ day), I'd admit that I was kinda feeling emo about it. I retrieve my final pay and took a few photos before I waved goodbyes to all of the guys there. Although I hate to admit it, but deep down I know that there could be a possibility that such a "dream" may never happen again. So once again my thank you goes out to the cool CSO's - especially Lina and Small Sarah, my great assistants - Asotha and Cik Nur, the great guys at processing - "Troll" Matthew, Alex, William and Daryl, and the "Boss" (no pun intended). I'm grateful that for once, I was accepted by the people around me to be myself again. 
Before meeting Rum and Yu Ying at Lot 1 Mac, I've did some clothes shopping and changed into new clothes. After meeting the guys, we've set out to Mr Ma's condo and set up the pit. In the midst of preparation for the BBQ, YY showed up together with Celine. She was in a nice blue dress and with a neatly tied ponytail and Celine was wearing casual tees and shorts. After the years of school life and a great experience at work, I've learnt to be more casual and mature in my reactions towards others. Though I did not really talked to her, I did try to be more sociable and exchange gestures and conversations with her. Slowly, the guys keep streaming into the party (yup, this time Sumi really did came!) and the food's beginning to flow (so are the jokes!). During the time, I did chat with Celine about YY. According to her, YY's now working at YMCA right off at Orchard Road. It was utter coincidence that she works at the same place with Hiew Li Young, my crush in the past and that she also do have the same complexions as her. That's when I realised that I was attracted to such girls and that I was never compatible with them, let alone be in their company of friends. I don't need to explain about how she is or what are her characters as I've been talking too much about it in the past. All I've realised is that I don't really love her at all and that my feelings are actually illusions of lust (if that's what you want to call it..). The BBQ ended late and some went home while others hanged out a little bit for supper and booze..jpg)
Dreams and reality are not often parallel to one another and above such is an epitome. In a single day, I've seen both side of the coin - One an atmosphere leaning towards fun, laughter and friendship with acceptance as its core, while another an atmosphere based on popularity to gain such privileges. Once again, I'm not trying to be exaggerative about this but this situation could only be understood by the few who've went through it and could relate to this. As for now, I'm part of the 2% unemployed "workforce" until I find a new replacement job. The situation's keep changing with my mom also finding a job and my sister needing somebody to take care of her during the after hours. Hopefully the atmosphere in the new job would be the same as my previous job...<3
