Dream and reality

   It's Tuesday, the second day of Chinese New Year and it's a long holiday. For the Chinese, it's the time to visit relatives and collect Ang Pows (or red packets of cash) along the way. For the rest, they are on an extended holiday overseas. This week had been especially bittersweet for me as last Friday was my last day of work at Zen gift and hamper company as they were moving out. Furthermore, there was the class BBQ later and "somebody" wasn't expected to be invited..

  During my 3 weeks with Zen, the experiences faced was like a dream for me. Although I'd quite resented with the below average pay of $5 per hour and the fact that my manager did not really understand my predicament, the feeling of being accepted by friends and co-workers and being treated as "someone" for the very first time is somehow grandiose, if not illusory. Although it only lasted for only 3 weeks, it felt like a few months or years. In just days I bonded closely with my co-workers like never before, going out and having lunch with them and having lots of chit-chat and laughs during work. I know it sounds very melodramatic but only people who comprehend and treasure true friendship would relate to this. Every detail, regardless how minuscule it is could make a huge impact in your heart. So when the day comes for me to leave (coincidentally it was also the BBQ day), I'd admit that I was kinda feeling emo about it. I retrieve my final pay and took a few photos before I waved goodbyes to all of the guys there. Although I hate to admit it, but deep down I know that there could be a possibility that such a "dream" may never happen again. So once again my thank you goes out to the cool CSO's - especially Lina and Small Sarah, my great assistants - Asotha and Cik Nur, the great guys at processing - "Troll" Matthew, Alex, William and Daryl, and the "Boss" (no pun intended). I'm grateful that for once, I was accepted by the people around me to be myself again. 


   30 minutes after I left the office, I was on a train ride to Choa Chu Kang to meet up with my classmates and prep the BBQ at Mr Ma's condominium. What enticed me to go on with my intention is the fact that no matter what happens, this will always be my class and they would always be my classmates. Moreover, I would never let 1 girl ruin my mood, let alone my life. I want to prove to them that I'm matured enough to think and act where I see fit, not to mention still being the same guy I've always been. I know very well that no matter what I do, it would not change their ingrained perception about me. Hence, I'm going there just to have fun regardless of anyone's prejudice.


   Before meeting Rum and Yu Ying at Lot 1 Mac, I've did some clothes shopping and changed into new clothes. After meeting the guys, we've set out to Mr Ma's condo and set up the pit. In the midst of preparation for the BBQ, YY showed up together with Celine. She was in a nice blue dress and with a neatly tied ponytail and Celine was wearing casual tees and shorts. After the years of school life and a great experience at work, I've learnt to be more casual and mature in my reactions towards others. Though I did not really talked to her, I did try to be more sociable and exchange gestures and conversations with her. Slowly, the guys keep streaming into the party (yup, this time Sumi really did came!) and the food's beginning to flow (so are the jokes!). During the time, I did chat with Celine about YY. According to her, YY's now working at YMCA right off at Orchard Road. It was utter coincidence that she works at the same place with Hiew Li Young, my crush in the past and that she also do have the same complexions as her. That's when I realised that I was attracted to such girls and that I was never compatible with them, let alone be in their company of friends. I don't need to explain about how she is or what are her characters as I've been talking too much about it in the past. All I've realised is that I don't really love her at all and that my feelings are actually illusions of lust (if that's what you want to call it..). The BBQ ended late and some went home while others hanged out a little bit for supper and booze.


   Dreams and reality are not often parallel to one another and above such is an epitome. In a single day, I've seen both side of the coin - One an atmosphere leaning towards fun, laughter and friendship with acceptance as its core, while another an atmosphere based on popularity to gain such privileges. Once again, I'm not trying to be exaggerative about this but this situation could only be understood by the few who've went through it and could relate to this. As for now, I'm part of the 2% unemployed "workforce" until I find a new replacement job. The situation's keep changing with my mom also finding a job and my sister needing somebody to take care of her during the after hours. Hopefully the atmosphere in the new job would be the same as my previous job...<3


   "For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream..." ~Vincent Van Goth (Dutch painter, 1853-1890)