Past, present and future

  I've always believed that passion overrides money. That turns out to be one of the core reasons why I left the telemarketing company. I guess it's environment is just not conducive for me. After feigning an official resignation to the company, claiming that "my NS came too early", I was out and about again finding a new job. And there I found it - a simple job of doing admin of orders for a gift and hamper company. The pay may be low with only $5 per hour but the working hours compensated for it, making it $40 per day. This is compared to $7 per hour for 5 hours, giving me $35 per day instead from my previous employer.


   Yes, I do have my initial doubts about the job, such as the environment and the long working hours. The idea of having to sit in front of a computer for 8 hours and bore to death freaks me out. Moreover, Ben had already got me thinking by telling me that his admin job is boring. But thank God that the job is different from what I expected. Working environment's pleasant, relevant and substantial amounts of slacking time and great colleagues from the CSOs (Customer Service Officers) , the guys at processing and even the drivers (not to mention the boss...). They range from O' level leavers, some who want to make it big and guys who just want some working experiences. Although there are rumours that the job is temporary and would only last until 20th of January, at least the job suits me perfectly.With the job offer at Fish and Co. turning into a false hope, this job becomes increasingly important to me. This would be the status quo for now.


   There were also other things that came into mind. One of my colleagues Sarah, who is an O' level leaver waiting for her results, was taking her bursary today and her results on Monday. Although I was happy for her, I can't help but wonder what had happened to me and my results after all these years. In the past, bursaries were a norm to me and that I was always doing well in school, especially during my prime in secondary 4. And then came my college years where my attitude and hence my results disintegrated. It all seems as if I've lost a sense of myself and that I've went wrong somewhere. With only 2 months left (trust me, that is a really short amount of time..) before the release of my results and the very fact that I did not get any bursaries during college, I'm slowly losing hope in myself. Maybe it's time for me to see my own failure at this juncture, like a deja vu from the incident 5 years back. 


   Yes, it's true that God is not cruel but everyone has to pay the price of defiance. It is also true that God is All Forgiving but are we really deserving of it? And how much have we done to seek forgiveness? It's easy to rest on our laurels thinking that the All Merciful God will save and forgive us regardless of the gravity of our mistakes. But retribution is inevitable and it's part of justice. In the end, only God has the ultimatum on everyone's destiny. What the future may hold is still a mystery...