The Fighter

   This is my first post since my enlisting on 14 June 2012. It's my first book-in and already I can feel the heat and pressure wringing out of me from NS life. However, that was not only the thing that's got me worried in my mind. It is about what happened on 12 June earlier.


   Just like what happened on 20 May, it happened again. This time, I got caught shoplifting my NS stuffs again elsewhere. Like I said, I'm in a huge trouble when it comes to cash and that my family's in a dire situation right now. It's just the thought that ran into my mind, that it was my last break and that I would never do such a thing when I'm in NS. But a mistake's still a mistake, and I was caught doing it again this time. The same experience was felt by me and that I even had to lead the police to the CCTV that shows the footage of me doing my follies. And this time, they might be charging me and putting me behind bars for all that I've done. I admit that this is all my fault and that it was not only about the crime, it's more about the way I've changed into a "devil" unrecognisable by myself. Even though ever since the first time I was caught, I followed every advise given by the officer to search for alternatives such as approaching the CDC (Community Development Council), finding my dad and even help my mom go look for a job, those are just long-term solutions and it did not help my current plight. And this is what happens. Thus, when I was bailed out by Uncle Peter again, I went into a nervous breakdown. Fortunately and thank God, my mom and sis were safe and taken care of by Auntie Jeba and Uncle Steven. However, there weren't much time left and I was supposed to enlist on that day. So I've enlisted only 2 days later..


   The first week of BRT was ok. I'm still trying to get accustomed with the routines, ranks of officers, marches etc. Thank God again that I've survived the first week without much physical training or PT and just some minor marches. But what intrigues me is my mentality in there. It was more of the worries that I'm having that is affecting me and my interactions with my bunkmates. My bunkmates and buddies are okay, with a majority of Malays, some Chinese and a blend of Indians (including PRC's lol).  But maybe I'm just not used to being away too long with my family, facing troubles both in camp and outside and facing more problems all over again. However, I was thankful that my attitude's changing ever since I've entered NS. It was back to praying on time again and trying to be more nicer to other's, especially my family. Now, all I just wished is that all my problems would just go away, just like the wind passing by.


   The next weeks gonna be hell week with lots of PT and marches and "Tekans" (ie. punishments). Hence, I'll have to fight my way through next week with a survivalist mentality. With my bail time also looming and family issues that are yet to be settled, I'm really stressed out right now. The next 3 months are gonna be the toughest moments of my life and I couldn't stop crying thinking about it. But I must be strong, at least for my family and Allah S.W.T. I'm just wishing to leave it all to Him and let him decide my fate and future. And so I will, insyallah.. <3