The Spark

   We'll been facing problems throughout our lives, no matter how far we run or how we face it. Some may choose to face it head on rashly, like taking a bull by it's horns, and most of the time ending up in undesirable results and consequences (though some may be lucky to solve the problem still). And then there are others who have a well crafted idea or a systematic plan of attack to solve the problem, or at least circumvent the issue at hand. But most of us (well, at least me) tend to run away and escape from the problem. Whether you take up sports like running or swimming, or you take up dangerous habits like smoking, drugs or alcohol, you're just basically trying to run away from the problems you're facing. At the end of the day, you can only run so far until the problem becomes bigger and eat you up to the point of no return. However, all is not necessarily lost sometimes. All it takes is a spark, a wake-up call, for you and the others to get back to their senses and solve the problem, whether they like it or not.


   It's so obvious that I'm having a huge problem when I'm the only one working and paying the bills at home, while mom's been "too busy" on Facebook all the time (probably she just had enough of working in the past, trying to solve her own problems, and was too tired to face it again), and Dad's been MIA for 2 months. So it all comes down to me to make my family survive, with my meagre pay or to lend, borrow or even steal. Moreover, the house was in a mess so it makes it more stressful being in there that I would rather go out. Sometimes it's just hard to understand desperation until you really face it yourself. So hinging on my pay, and my desperation to survive, I took the stealing idea practically and got away quite a number of times with a good cash in hand after the goods are sold. But everyone, including me knows that this would not last. Although this spree was in fact a defence mechanism rather than for pleasure, like I said, it would not last very long. But my mom could not see the idea behind this, that the fact that I'm trying to tide the family until she finds a proper job altogether. I'd really do not want to go on about how I wished for a better life, a life similar to the peers around me like Harith and Arif as I've already accepted my fate. All I just wanted is for her to realise that. And it takes a spark..
   
   On 20 May, at 8pm, I was caught stealing at Causeway Point at the nearby Courts after work (nope, I'm not wearing my uniform at that time..). It was not that I wanted to get caught (that's crazy!), but I'd already knew that this could happen. They were not happy and was not willing to give me a chance so they called the police. To cut a long story short, I was arrested, cuffed and spend a night in lock-up without my parents knowing about it. Throughout my time in lock down, the food there was, well, as expected. I shared the same cell with another Muslim Bangladeshi worker and a Chinese Along runner (nope, not my workplace version of runner..). Sleeping on the floor was still quite okay and the fact that the toilet's in the cell itself makes me relieved instead of choking on my food. However, many things are running through my mind. How will my mom find out about this? Who will be able to bail me? When will I get to see the IO (Investigating Officer)? What will happen after this? Breakdowns occurred. I couldn't stop crying, thinking, wishing for a better life. It was my idea to give my family a better life, but I'm just a 20 year old guy. I've failed to succeed in my studies, failed in playing the social game and even failed in relationships. How could someone like me succeed against all odds to bring a better life for my family and be better myself? It's just something I couldn't fathom, let alone reach. Most of my time spent in there was on prayers, still believing that somehow, somewhere, He has goodness planned for me and my family after all this have ended..


   21 May, 3 pm. I'm still in my lock-up waiting for the OI to speak to me before I'm able to post bail. I've already given up on getting my job back, especially after not being able to work as I'm still stuck here and the fact that I'm caught at the same mall that I worked in (not to mention the guards who actually recognised me..). I've already taken it that the news must have spread around at work and there's no point in defence. When the OI met me shortly later, I told him my side of the story and fortunately he was a very nice guy. He was willing to understand my predicaments and would try to appeal for a warning instead of jail time and a fine. Later, I called my auntie to post the bail and waited for my uncle to come instead. It took longer than expected, so I did my prayers while waiting for him. Suddenly, my cell mate wanted to join in congregated prayers. After the prayers, I saw him weeping. It made me realise how much prayers could affect someone's soul and even changes them. I can see in his eyes and feel the pain he's suffering. That's when I feel that this incident was meant to be, for me to realise my mistakes and how much I've changed to the worse until now. At 7.30 pm, after a brief dinner in the cell, my uncle posted bail and send me home. I called up the office to get the news that I'm fired, as expected. The following morning saw me giving back my uniform without a word uttered about my reasons to suddenly quit from the job. For all they knew, it could be from other reasons. Only Diviyanth, a friend of mine at work, knew what happened.


   Ever since that day, things changed in the house (well, kinda..). I took more effort to get down to CDC to ask for financial help and try to solve my mom's working issues and my house rent. I've made my family to do a spring cleaning of the house before I enlist and I've tried to find dad, fortunately enough to find him. With the effort that I've tried to set the ball in motion, hopefully that goal of making my family self-sufficient again would be reached. But somehow, there's still the worry inside of me that it would not work. Now I can only pray hard that mom would come to her senses quickly. Only time will tell and only He can decide. But the spark is what we need, and it is what we got. <3