Updating the past

   This was actually a handwritten blog that I've made during my trainee days. Never did I realised that I've not updated my blog for a month. And it seems that I just could not find any time to sit down and type out a post comfortably (talk about getting the blog mouldy). But, after my training and getting accustomed to station life in Yishun, I've finally had some time to do this :-

   It took me a long time to find a space within these really tight schedule to update my blog again. Somehow too much had happened and so many lives had changed during this short span of time. From POP, the beginning of my trial, my unexpected posting to SRC and the roller coaster of emotions that reverberated around the people who knows me. And here I am now, still alive and blogging live from CDA, where pain and tiredness was the staple everyday.

  I'd still remembered those days leading to the POP. Regardless of how hard it was to endure PT, all those footdrills and a restrictive environment, we succeeded and we laughed our way to POP night. And when it came, it was not less of a memorable night. Crazy footdrills, "Tekan" sessions for fun, water parade (or water playing to be exact), and a lights out without any last movement for the whole night. The next day came and gone with a POP parade and a half day to book out. As I looked at dorm 21 for the final time and left a note for the next intake, I knew very well that I'm gonna miss these times when I post out on that Monday. And yes, I do until now.

   Unfortunately, during the time I was still serving a recruit live,  I was informed of the outcome of my police case. As predicted, they were planning to proceed with the charges and bring me forward to court. I remembered clearly those words coming out of my OC's mouth, and me breaking down again at the stairs thereafter. The first mention came the following week, 1 week before POP. With a heavy heart and a troubled mind, I took my off pass (which would inevitably led to me getting guard duty later that week) and made my way to AMK police station. Over there, I was made aware of the charges that I'm facing and my next court hearing. The sight of the lockup was unbearable as I remembered those times I suffered in there. Worse still, I had to enter it again for a blood and fingerprint sample. Back outside, with charge papers in one hand and a court mention on another, I hold that urge to break down in front my mom. But God knows how hurt I was at that moment. I wasn't only sad, I was really mad at myself.

   The court mention came the day after at 10 am, with a possibility me a sentencing later that day. I could not explain really how it felt going to the stands as a criminal. I couldn't be any more terrified of the outcome of the trial. When the moment came for me to answer to the charges, I was ready to plead guilty and accept the consequences that is coming. That was until by God's grace, my father had an option of hiring a lawyer, who was a close friend me my family. Although it was most likely that I'll be put under probation due to my circumstances, I followed my instinct and plead for a lawyer to represent me. And thank God, my instincts were right. Had I go on with the sentencing, it could have been worse. It could be something that I've never imagined happening to me - Jail time.

   Facing this dilemma could not be any tougher with my f***ed up vocation that I was assigned to, once again thanks to my bloody OC, the SRC - Special Rescue Company. Yeah, it sounded so cool, sophisticated and all, but it was meant for people with a lower educational qualification and people with a lack of discipline. It's as if my life could not be any tougher. I've to spend 4 weeks more of hell at CDA as a special rescuer and post out to possibly get purged around for the rest of my 2 years in NS. And how does a guy who passed the interviews for non-frontline postings like medics course, failed miserably in his IPPT and have an A' levels qualification in his belt, could end up in a "shithole" like this? Only God knows, only Allah knows why.. Here in SRC (or SRP, SRB or whatever you want to call it), it was never about being "kilat" or standing out from the crowd. It's totally different from the days spent at NSTI. I thought by laying low and trying to be straight with the rules in CDA, I could survive this 4 weeks unharmed I was wrong. Here I am with a lot of people who were rowdy, doesn't follow instructions all the time and uncontrollable at times. It hurts to say this, but it really sucks being here with such people, constantly bugging me and pushing my patience to the edge. And with a tougher training like this, the thought of just going OOC was constantly on my mind, even until now. Nevertheless, it would be unfair to claim that everyone "thrown" into SRC having the characteristics said above. There was my bunkmate, Si Hao, who was a diploma holder that suffered the same fate as me. And then there was Rahman who was okay with me. It was partly because of such people that kept my fight going. Somehow, I was adamant to complete the course with them, going through it blow by blow. And everyday that passes becomes a day closer to our POC day, with a withheld promise of a better life at the stations...

   Unfortunately, the post ends here.

   Status update? Well, I did managed to passed out and got into the 3rd division Yishun fire station. Life was as good as what they told me. From it's "lepak" sessions, to it's 1 days work/2 days off work shift. Tan was posted to Tampines instead but Rahman actually was posted to the same station as me. It's just that we're laterally posted to a different sub-unit in there. As for the case, it's still ongoing with a high chance of getting a probation out of it. The lawyer was willing to get me the probation (of course with a hefty price) but with an unfortunate and inevitable consequence. I may have to be remanded for 21 days in prison for a probation report. Nevertheless, it's still under discussion and pre-trial conferences. All I can do now is to pray to Allah S.W.T that I don't need to face such consequence. Only He can change my fate right now. <3 font="font">