As usual, I was suppose to update my blog sooner but I was too busy in school and work for now. I would always end up procrastinating on whether I should draft up my post now of later. I guess I still have enough time to put up one more post before I REALLY dive deep into my uni years.
1) The orientation First up, the SPMS orientation. I wasn't expecting too much from it, what more after I've missed the orientation camps and bonding sessions earlier during the month (It wasn't my fault by the way). I have to admit that I was feeling nervous and excited to meet new people that I would be spending most of my time with in school. Regardless of that, I reached the lecture theatre an hour late due to the heavy rain. I was immediately put into a large group of freshies playing team-building games. What a way to start a first impression..
The game requires everyone in the group to form a circle and interlock their hands from one end to another. We should then try to manoeuvre around the interlocking arms to escape and form a perfect circle without letting go of a hand. I took that chance to interact with everyone while giving suggestions during the game. So, after the game, we went one round saying out our names so that everybody knows everyone (and to be honest, I don't remember most of their names, except of the English ones). The day drags on with a series of pre-uni lectures and a welcoming ceremony at the main hall. During that time, I was spending my time chatting with different groups of people and taking pictures with them. I slowly begin to understand the character of each one of my classmates, though it would require more time in school to really get to know them. The day ended with the hope that I've made a good impression all round (or at least that's what I thought).
Day 2 saw me dragging myself out of bed for games day with the orientation group. I tried sitting together and get to know Yunxuan, Jun Yi and Joey during breakfast as they seemed to be the most sociable in the group. Yet, I was well aware that they had known each other way before during the SPMS orientation camp. Fortunately, they seem to be approachable at that time and I began hanging out with them for the day. The games day included team building games (with lacklustre performances), a trip around the school and Mass Games with the other faculties to wrap it all up (and not to mention, an impromptu "Werewolf" game, featuring me as the narrator). I have to admit that I grew a little closer to my course mates because of this and it just makes me feel more enthusiastic about starting my uni life on a right foot next week. 2) The realisation
I was so busy trying to build rapport with my newfound course mates during the Welcoming Ceremony that I forgotten my initial goal there. It took a student from Indonesia that came on stage to remind me. The emcee was asking as to the name of the new course that had just opened in NTU (of course I knew the answer as EESS). A particular student was chosen to answer the question over the flurry of raised hands. When he came on stage and revealed that he was an EESS student from Jakarta, I was filled with jealousy. I mean, I've worked my ass off just to try to get into one of those limited spaces in the course and they just gave some of them away to an international student who just might not even have a clue of what the course is all about. Yes, I've got to give some credit to that Indonesian chap for coming so far and getting into NTU somehow. Yet, I can't help but to have this fire inside of me, urging me to continue dreaming and fighting for a place in that course. As I glanced over to the group of people who were the candidates for this pilot course, all that I can think of was the wish to be in that course. That's where the realisation happens. I need to find some way to get into that course and fulfil my dream. I took a chance by taking a double major in the same faculty and I should be work my way up for a good GPA and a transfer out. My mind began working like clockwork and soon I was asking my Group Leaders, who are also seniors, about transfers and course rigour. He advised initially to discuss this with my academic mentor (a professor/lecturer who will be assigned to me and some higher-ups that I could ask for help) about my intentions and options to move. Although I would only know who that is by next week, I was determined to know the possible solutions. He offered up back-up ideas of taking Environmental Sustainability as a Minor or taking Earth Sciences as an Unrestricted Elective. Although it may be feasible for me to transfer out within the semester, it comes with it's own set of hurdles. I have to hit a GPA of at least 4.0 and pass the requirements for the course. This is not taking into account that the course is highly competitive and the high chance that the course will not having any places after the first semester or even a few years. My mind is preparing for a marathon, knowing that the only hope for me to accomplish that is by working my ass off with what I already have. And that would mean that I have to ace all 7 of my modules this semester - Linear Algebra, Macro and Micro economics, Algorithm and Computing, Calculus, Foundation In Mathematics and a Gen-Core module. To be honest, it feels like a losing battle even before the week started. All I can hope for now is that my academic mentor (whoever that is) would give me a better idea on how to reach this goal during this crucial Add/Drop week. Or I'll have no choice but to succumb to these 7 modules for the rest of the 3 months with the hope that I'll make it somehow. 3) Another night with the drinking buddies
Last Friday saw me meeting up with Ben and CK again for a couple of drinks. CK was going on about how pissed he was with Carissa for not spending enough time with him and would rather go out drinking with her colleagues. Ben, on the other hand, is at cloud nine after patching up with his ex last week. It's so apparent that he just can't stop texting her the whole time. As for me? I was busy ranting about how pissed I was about that Jakarta dude and how hard is it for me to accept the reality. I couldn't thinking too much about my love life these days due to this hurdle in front of me. Nicole is still texting me and we are still close friends, but it can never go any more than that. So I'm moving on and looking forward to solving this "predicament" during my 4 years in NTU. Yet, somehow I just couldn't wrap my head around any of the girls that I've met during my school orientation. It's not that they are different in any way, it just so feels as if I couldn't get along with them. Furthermore, yeah they seemed cute and pretty. It's true that not all the eggs in the basket are rotten but so far, none of the girls that I've met there struck me in any way yet. Anyhow, it's only the first week without the lectures and tutorials so it's too hard to call for now. The seniors was telling me that it would be the crunch time and you would make more friends by the 3rd week but I don't see it yet. I've said it before - I'm a 22 year old with no experience in relationship whatsoever. Thus this is hard for me to handle nor comprehend. I'm still going to let nature takes its course (whether I like it or not) but I can't help having this emotion of wanting to be loved and cared. I can only hope that it'll work out somewhere along the way.
It's been a while since I've blogged outside over a cup of coffee as I was too busy running around clearing up errands. More importantly, uni is starting next week and I had a mess to clear up. Before the start of my studying life, I was determine to craft out one more post. And since I had a lot of things in mind to say, this post will once again be divided into a few parts.
1) Stating the obvious
NTU is officially starting on the 4th of August and I have no idea what to feel. I can be feeling excited to start again - making new friends and studying something that I was initially used to. On the flip side, I am worried. There is no such thing as a clean slate. I was scrolling through the orientation pictures (that I was "unfortunately" not chosen for) and I saw an ex-classmate there. He was from my secondary school and was with me in the class which saw me fall into the Normal stream eventually. Those were one of the darkest days of my life and I don't cherish most of the friends that I've made there (there were exceptions though). Those guys were out to see me fall and were mocking and keeping away me the next few years for not being in the same league as them. The following year, I watched painfully as they graduated earlier for school while I had to endure another year in secondary school. I vowed to chase them down and prove that I was just as capable as them to soar to greater heights. Seeeing his face gave me mixed feelings of happiness and worry. I recognised that this should be something to be happy about. It is a euphoric feeling to be finally able to stand toe to toe with the guys who've once doubted me. Yet, the fear of falling is still there. Previously, I was too distracted with the activities around school and trying to fit in up until I failed my examinations. I've finally gotten my second chance after a 8 year wait.I certainly wouldn't want to fall again.
After those 2 years of National Service, the people from Innova that I known of will finally move onto uni. And I would be expecting to see a few familiar faces in NTU, some with a smile on m face while others with a pinch of hatred. As far as I know, Kiven will be at Wee Kim Wee, Cel and Adilah is in Hall 4, Vinodd is at Hall 5. Badron (my previous sir) will be in Engin, Yu Ying is also in there and Kylie is in ADM. There are more people, it's just that I haven't known of it (yet). My JC years had been a rough ride and I've managed to pull myself together these 5 year in anticipation for this moment. Some of them will remember me as the "fat, nerdy introvert guy who always skips classes and is just plain weird.". Yes, I am different now and some will recognise it. There will be others though who will still hold on to that thought and may spread nasty things about just like before. The question is however, should I care? Apperently, a huge part of me says no. Yet, the insecurity is still there.
2) The interlude
Somehow, after the meltdown and the apologising, we weren't talking that much anymore. It somehow seems like I've got what I want - drawing a line between Nicole and me so as to I wouldn't fall in love with her and go full on head over heels. Yet, I wasn't happy and I know why. The feeling of distancing myself from someone so close seems hard but it was for the better. I know that I've got to learn how to control my emotions somewhere but it was painful to do it. I can see from our conversations - it dies out prematurely and there's no heart to heart talks anymore. To be honest, I felt stupid to draw the line in the first place. I was able to keep my feelings for her in check and not to react all too desperate around her or anyone else. So was it for the better? Possibly. I just wished though that I didn't draw the line so early into our friendship. 3) "The Bro-code"
Recently, I met up with Chun Kiat and Ben after a gymming session at Hougang. And so began the guy talk over drinks until late. CK was ranting about his issues with his girlfriend, Carrissa, being a naive girl around guys who want to take advantage of her at any opportunity. Ben, on the other side, was contemplating on getting back with his ex, Ling Hui, after a meltdown that leaves both of them wondering of where the relationship will go. And then there was me, with my all-too-usual story. I was intrigued though by the takeaway from that meet-up. Yes, I was still trying to get over what happened between me and Nicole but something about what CK said kept me thinking. 1 : It was always and has been a numbers game CK was telling me about how he was picking up so many ladies (and moms if I may add) by the way he charms them. There's some vibe about him which tells me that you need to learn how to pick up a girl before you can think about relationships. If we didn't make an effort in trying again (and again x 10000) to woo a girl, we will always be stuck being single. Because girls loved the idea of having a companion to talk to and being wooed.
2 : Don't ever, ever try too hard This was advised by Aaron Marino on the internet (I've always watched his videos on Youtube, talking about men's grooming and relationships advises), Li Zhi (on the day we moved in) and now CK. How did guys managed to get girls to want them is by the very fact that they didn't try so hard to get them. Naturally, girls like to play hard to get so it was all about going with the flow. Yet, "rule" number 1 says that you must try to pick them up but never, ever end up looking desperate in front of them. It's a turn off and you are putting yourself in a lost cause. If she's not interested, stay as friends.
3 : It's good to be humorous, but it's equally good to be serious To be honest, this is for me. It's soo easy for me to be humorous around girls when I am comfortable with them but I seem to never know when to stop. Being too humorous and making a girl laugh may 1) Drop you into the friend-zone, and if not checked out, the dreaded bro-zone 2) Irritate her 3) Doesn't allow her to see you as "boyfriend" material. This may not apply to all girls but it is hard to pick up a girl when you are always joking. I've learnt it the hard way so I am trying to limit my jokes to specific situations. I would try to be a listening ear instead when the time comes.
4 : It was always about the "Bad Boy" I am irritated by this. I don't agree at all with this. But this is the fact and reality of most girls and that I have to agree. To get girls to be attracted to you, you must feature yourself to be the "villain". It don't mean that you have to be mean to people, it rather means that you have to step up and show that you are not someone to be trifled with and that they know what you are capable of. I'm having a little trouble with this but I know that somewhere along the line, I will have to try to step up. Hopefully during these 4 years. 5 : Patience is always of the essence CK didn't get Carrissa immediately after meeting her. In fact, she was his long time crush since Ben and him began working at Uniqlo. Though he met a lot of girls (and got laid of course), he was determine to get her. I would've suspected that she had a bf before this so I certainly respect CK for sticking to her despite that. Ben, on the other side, only had a chance of patching up with his girl after a months of waiting, meltdowns, and her having another guy. This is not inclusive of all the stories that I heard of from my other friends, continuously waiting patiently for the right moment to come by and finally got what they wanted. This goes to show only one thing - Love takes time; patience is of the essence. To end it off, I have an interesting article and a video (On Aaron Marino, again) that will help people who may also be facing problems like mine. Hopefully, we will have a good idea of what to expect and how to "mitigate the hazard". ;)
P.S : I will be starting my uni life next week so I will be expecting to post lesser on this spot. Hopefully it will be all about good news in the next post. NTU is starting and I am moving into "District" 12. May the odds be ever in my favour. ^^
As usual, I was suppose to update my blog sooner but I was too busy in school and work for now. I would always end up procrastinating on whether I should draft up my post now of later. I guess I still have enough time to put up one more post before I REALLY dive deep into my uni years.
First up, the SPMS orientation. I wasn't expecting too much from it, what more after I've missed the orientation camps and bonding sessions earlier during the month (It wasn't my fault by the way). I have to admit that I was feeling nervous and excited to meet new people that I would be spending most of my time with in school. Regardless of that, I reached the lecture theatre an hour late due to the heavy rain. I was immediately put into a large group of freshies playing team-building games. What a way to start a first impression..
