Here we go again...

Firstly, a very happy new year to everyone. Let's hope for a better year in 2011:D! As much as 2011 is concerned, it's going to change for me. With this year being my final year and after a long year of 2010 which have exhausted me, here I am still hoping for an even better outcome. Here's my chance now...one last chance for a last dance, to mend what is wrong and to find what I've been looking for. Is it success that I yearn for...or is it a life that I'm looking for? 2011 will finally decide that.

2011...a milestone in my life. With hopes and prayer for a change, a chance for me to prove to myself and many others that I'm different. I'm gonna be someone who will do it right this time and fight for that one last chance. I've made too much mistakes in 2010...and here's my opportunity to reverse all that. There's only one way to do that and is to find myself back. With the right priorities and stepping up to the challenges ahead, maybe there's still a glimmer of hope for everything to be fine again.

However with every cycle of the year, challenges are still expected ahead...and this time it will get tougher. With distractions everywhere...and the weight of the responsibilities still hanging on my shoulders, I have to make a decision right now. Between the right and the easy...between the two ways of life. With 31536000 seconds of 2011 and still counting down, it will all come down to me. Another cycle of life awaiting and only God know how the outcome will be...how it all will end. Anyhow...once again, Happy New Year to all!!!:)

New perspective

2010 have been a year in which I've learn and experience a lot of things. From a new life, love and even more studying stress, I've seen ample of changes within myself. So of which were good… but most of them were not so good. I do admit, although I may have the maturity of thought but I certainly do not have the maturity of experience. And hence the consequences of my actions were evident…from my results to the girl who walk out from me.

And now I've decided to set out on my own to finding myself back. No…it's not too late and it's never too late. There's a new perspective in seeing life in a different direction. Sometimes the more you chase after something, the further it gets away from you. It's time that I leave it all to fate and time and just move along. I feel even more stupid each time I came very close to getting what I want, it's just that I didn't realise that I was pushing it too far. Thus..improvements from within is what I really need right now. I want to be the same guy I was once before…Calm, focused, responsible and never a quitter. And there I was at the peak of my life where everything just came naturally to me…friends, success and sweetness of life.

There…my goal is now set…to find my identity back and to regain hope. With the A levels coming, I really want a shot at fighting back. I am certain that my abilities are enough to achieve success, its just that I am not the person I was back then. Now I just thought it felt right but the right was wrong. But somehow the intuition deep inside of me keeps telling…I will find what I'm looking for down this road…the new perspective of life. I can only try my best and push as far as I can give…but will it be enough? Only God knows.

Words thought and spoken

And suddenly she came back…this time with the message. Here I am…now wondering what to do. Personally I feel quite touched with what she has to say and frankly speaking, I still do have a tinge of feelings for her. Like I always was, I am just a simple person who doesn't harbor hatred towards someone that easily. And yes its true…I don't really know her enough. However, I was ready to accept her for who she is from the first time. Anyway…this is the message and reply…

I am really grateful for how you feel towards me. But firstly, I am not that good as you've said, and I really don't think I am very nice nor pretty, maybe its just you just haven't know me enough. Personally I really feel touched towards how you feel towards me.. but, I don't deserve such strong feelings from you. I really feel sorry that I can't return you any feelings. But I do like you as a friend as friends like you who are not judgmental and understanding are hard to come, I really treasure you as my friend. I am really sorry that I could not return you any feelings, 'cause I know I am not suitable for you. You are really a good guy with a clear and kind heart, but its just I am just not the girl for you. I am sure, in the near future, you will find a girl who you will love from the bottom of your heart and she too. :)

Dear Ying Yan, I'm sorry if I had made you feel awkward towards me because of the confession. In the first place, you should not be saying something like that about yourself. Everyone is special in their own ways…and you are special in your own ways too. Maybe you do not know it…but there are many who treasure you for something that is more important than just good looks or intellect, it is your heart. You have been the sunshine of many…always being there cheering them up when they are down. And I can assure you that beneath it all, everybody has a nice heart one way or another, including you. So don't doubt yourself that way because you are already a nice girl, irregardless of what others may have to say. Because who you're really are is what is in your heart. To me, I have already treasured you as a close friend. So don't worry too much about talking to me. As you said, I'm not judgmental and I'm understanding. Just cheer up and keep smiling k! :)

What the F***

I thought I've understand a lot about life…whereas in fact I barely understand anything. I may be able to find solutions to many problems, know what a girl really wants from a guy and being able to understand well about the feelings of other people…but I'm unable to even comprehend my own issues. Maybe this is because I have never experienced it really on my own.

Many people claimed that everything happens for a reason and that I still have a long way to go. I am not trying to be pessimistic here or somewhat but its just that this is very hard for me to swallow right now. Take it for instance, many people who met me will always ask me whether I do have a girlfriend. I feel like laughing whenever I heard this. Like have you even see how girls react to me? And here you are saying that there is a girl who will fall for me? And then there is the saying that there is someone meant for me out there waiting and that girls are going for guys with big bucks. Have you even look at the real world? Only career women go after guys like that and FYI, girl go after guys who have a "bad' personality, good-looking and trendy.

If there is one thing I still agree with the majority, It is that family and studies is still the first priority. No matter what happens, I must not let my studies go down the drain for the sake of my family. Maybe at the end of the day, I do still have to leave this issue to fate. About the long way to go…I don't know about that. I mean who can predict life right? Anyway the only thing I can do now is hope and pray that things will turn better by the minute and not be worse instead!