After 4 months of waiting, the dreaded day finally came - The final result of the Big One. Lots of emotions are running high as the clock ticks down to 2 pm when the results are finally announced. As for me, after the Friday prayers, I was on my way to IJC together with Arif, Harith and the other guys. Only God knows how terrified I am of my results, especially after remembering how much I had screwed up some of the exam papers.However, all I could do back then was to Zikir and Solat, praying hard that Allah would grant me a miracle for me to ace the A' levels.
Into the hall we entered as soon as we arrived and we are seated according to our classes. The tension was mounting higher and higher as the Principal made her speech and delivered the stats of our cohorts performance in this year's National Examination. It just doesn't help when they proceed on it giving the results slip to the top students from the various classes first on stage before the release of the results. However, when I did not hear Sumi's nor Daniel's name being mentioned on stage, I'd already knew that something wasn't right and that the results were much worse off than initially expected.
While one by one of my classmates have already collected their results, it took me a lot of courage to face Mr Ma and see my result. In the end, it did not go down well. The final scoreline - GP (C), Chemistry (C), Geography (B), Math (C) and Physics (D). It was no mention how appalled I was with my results after all the hard work I've put in throughout this whole 2 years. It became even worse when many of my classmates actually did much better than me. All I could back then was stone into space, contemplating on my results. As I walked around the hall trying to clear the air, I saw even more of my peers doing very well and jumping for joy at their achievements (or improvements to be exact). However, what pissed me off is the very fact that some of them didn't even put in as much effort as I did and eventually they did much better than me. But now it's too late to turn back...
As some of the students jump for joy, some called their parents or friends to convey their results and others took a barrage of pictures (I wasn't even in the picture my class took during the results due to shame), I tried talking it out to Mr Zee about my chances and options left for me. I also took the time to apologise to the teachers like Mdm Zalinah and Mr Ng for my "unexpected" results. Obviously, the teachers were consoling me and telling me that it wasn't my fault but I knew better that I caused all of this to happen.
Coming to think of it, I'd already knew that I wouldn't be getting a straight A's or better but I'd never expected to get a shocking grade like this. My mom could only blame me and only me for this, citing that this is the retribution I've got for all the sins I've did throughout these 2 years. I couldn't do anything but to concede with her. Yes, I accept full responsibility for all that has happened to me and there's no one else that should be blamed for my downfall again. Allah have tried to wake me up countless of times but I doesn't seem to care or even heed His warnings. And now, this is what happens..
Looking into my chances optimistically (and pessimistically too), I've got a small chance to get into an Earth Sciences and Engineering course at NTU according to Mr Zee. This is because the course is relatively new, no one's ever heard of it and there were no prerequisite currently. However, most probably my grades were too low for such a course and I can only find out more about it on 10th March at the NTU Open House. Another option is an even slimmer chance at going into NUS Arts and Social Sciences faculty, taking up a Geog major. There were alternatives such as Nursing, Engineering and Arts but I would rather re-take my A's rather than going for such a course I'm not passionate about and waste my 4 years there. Speaking of which, there's that last resort of me re-taking my A' levels this year, with me believing and very adamant that I could do much, much more better this time. However, I'll be wasting 1 more year of my life doing so. Hence, right now, I'm confused and worried about what I want to do next. My plan was to apply (and appeal and beg too) to such courses at both of the Uni's and if unsuccessful, I'll have to re-take "It" all over again. I will need money for that so there goes my pay from the Cathay job to fund that. Private candidate's by 17th March for registration and 2 April to pay up for a second stab at the A' levels.
Hopefully, Allah would save me this time around cos' if not, there might not be any future for me anymore. Please forgive me and please save me Allah. I have nothing left to fend myself and my family. I've realised that it was entirely my fault that all this has happened to me so please help me. You're my one and only hope now... :'(
As some of the students jump for joy, some called their parents or friends to convey their results and others took a barrage of pictures (I wasn't even in the picture my class took during the results due to shame), I tried talking it out to Mr Zee about my chances and options left for me. I also took the time to apologise to the teachers like Mdm Zalinah and Mr Ng for my "unexpected" results. Obviously, the teachers were consoling me and telling me that it wasn't my fault but I knew better that I caused all of this to happen. Coming to think of it, I'd already knew that I wouldn't be getting a straight A's or better but I'd never expected to get a shocking grade like this. My mom could only blame me and only me for this, citing that this is the retribution I've got for all the sins I've did throughout these 2 years. I couldn't do anything but to concede with her. Yes, I accept full responsibility for all that has happened to me and there's no one else that should be blamed for my downfall again. Allah have tried to wake me up countless of times but I doesn't seem to care or even heed His warnings. And now, this is what happens..
Looking into my chances optimistically (and pessimistically too), I've got a small chance to get into an Earth Sciences and Engineering course at NTU according to Mr Zee. This is because the course is relatively new, no one's ever heard of it and there were no prerequisite currently. However, most probably my grades were too low for such a course and I can only find out more about it on 10th March at the NTU Open House. Another option is an even slimmer chance at going into NUS Arts and Social Sciences faculty, taking up a Geog major. There were alternatives such as Nursing, Engineering and Arts but I would rather re-take my A's rather than going for such a course I'm not passionate about and waste my 4 years there. Speaking of which, there's that last resort of me re-taking my A' levels this year, with me believing and very adamant that I could do much, much more better this time. However, I'll be wasting 1 more year of my life doing so. Hence, right now, I'm confused and worried about what I want to do next. My plan was to apply (and appeal and beg too) to such courses at both of the Uni's and if unsuccessful, I'll have to re-take "It" all over again. I will need money for that so there goes my pay from the Cathay job to fund that. Private candidate's by 17th March for registration and 2 April to pay up for a second stab at the A' levels.
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