Adrenaline

   So far I've been updating this spot more frequently and I was revamping the look of it so that it'll be appealing both to me and to you guys who are reading it. Actually, I've wanted to update this spot for something else but I'll save it for the next post instead.

   This blog post is dedicated to the minds that are on the verge of giving up. Everyone faces this feeling some days. It's that thought that there's no way out to your complicated situation and that surmounting the seemingly high obstacle felt impossible. I've always wanted to put this out as I've always felt this kind of feeling. My life feels like a constant battle against the odds and I'm on the losing end. I reckoned that there are many others like me. So, this post is for the people who just doesn't know the meaning of giving up and still continuously try to hit that wall, with the hope that it will crack one day.

1) Avatar Aang's Final Battle

   Personally, this is still the best anime I've ever seen in my life. Some may not agree with me though, hailing other animes like Naruto or One Piece to be the best (not that I'm saying such animes are crappy, and actually I'm watching them too). Yet, this final battle scene is an inspiration to me in some sense. It's a comeback that many would've wanted. Some called it a miracle. Others may call it destiny. But I see it as a spear of blind determination.

   The arrival of Sozin's Comet marks the beginning of an end. Firelord Ozai (or Phoenix King, as he proclaimed himself to be) is set to rid the Earth of all the other element benders, leaving the Fire Nation as the sole ruler of the world. Aang, coming back from feigning death in Book 2, confronts Ozai in a final attempt to fulfil his destiny. Aang initially finds himself  in a losing battle against the Firelord, with him still being disconnected from his Avatar State due to the lightning strike by Azula in Book 2. He was on the run and hiding with nowhere to turn to. Will he turn the tides and miraculously win this battle? You have to watch to find out.

2) Rama's epic duel against the "Mad-Dog"

   The first time I caught this movie was back in the days when I was with Cathay Organisation. I caught the movie on its premiere day during my shift. And my oh my, it was such an awesome gory movie filled with action from the start to finish. This movie is a good contender for the best movie in 2011, on par with The Avengers and The Hunger Games in my opinion. 

   What's inspiring about this fight scene was how far Rama was willing to fight "Mad-Dog" in defence of his brother. It's also awe-inspiring to see both sides going at it till the end. Rama knows that he must win this fight or both him and his brother will be killed. And the "Mad-Dog" is not going to give them an easy fight, hence his name. Rama was almost killed in one of the scene, but what took him to survive and win the battle will shock you. You'll never really know the outcome of a battle till it ends.



3) Liverpool vs AC Milan, 2005 UEFA Champions League Final

   It was 2005. Two European giants faced off in a battle for the prestigious Champions League cup. In the first minute of the match, Milan's captain Paolo Maldini drew first blood from a free kick by Andrea Pirlo and Milan were able to blow two more goals in via Hernán Crespo to give the Italian giants a 3-0 strong lead going to the break. At this point, it seems like the title was going to elude the English hands again that year. All bets are off for Liverpool and nobody seems to think that Liverpool are capable of getting up after such a punch.

   What was inspiring though was the aura of the Liverpool side after the interval. Not only they were still fighting, they've showed us that night that you can never count them out of anything. Stevie G, Vladimir Šmicer and Xabi Alonso all scored for the Reds within six minutes, rattling the Italian Giants defence and mentality. And suddenly it's game on! So here's a fan-made video of the epic encounter...
   





   The game had to be dragged to extra-time and tentatively to the penalties. There's a reason why pundits called this game the "Miracle of Istanbul". Something similar happened in the recent UCL final clash between Atletico and Real. Check that match out too.

4) Watford vs Leicester City - Semi-Final playoffs

   Still on football, this has got to to be one of my personal favourite when it comes to willpower in sports. The whole atmosphere of the stadium was dramatically changed within the course of 10 seconds. This is show of spirit - to never giving up even when the odds seems certain that you'll lose.

   It's into the dying moments of the game. After a silly foul in the penalty box, Leicester City was awarded a penalty and all hopes are lost. When Knockaert stepped up to take the spot kick, everyone in the crowd knew that if he scores, Leicester City goes to the final. A miss would drag this game on for another 30 minutes and possibly sudden death. What happened right after the kick sends shockwaves throughout the whole stadium. Knockaert's penalty being saved by Almunia not once but twice, and a breakaway which saw Watford instead going to the final. This is the moment in soccer at it's best...

   To end off this post is one of my favourite music videos. I've been listening to Chester B and LP gang since young and this song seems perfect in my playlist when I'm feeling down. If you listen to the lyrics carefully, it gives out that aura to fight for a chance at freedom and dreams, something that is interesting in my opinion. And trust me when I say this - This song is so much better live. ;)

Linkin Park ~ The Catalyst

God bless us everyone,
We're a broken people living under loaded gun.
And it can't be outfought, It can't be outdone, It can't be outmatched, It can't be outrun. No! (x2)
And when I close my eyes tonight, To symphonies of blinding light!
God bless us everyone, We're a broken people living under loaded gun. Oh!
Like memories in cold decay, Transmissions echoing away, Far from the world of you and I, Where oceans bleed into the sky!
God save us everyone, Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns? For the sins of our hands, The sins of our tongues, The sins of our fathers, The sins of our young. No! (x2)
And when I close my eyes tonight, To symphonies of blinding light!
God save us everyone, Will we burn inside the fires of a thousand suns?
Ooh!
Like memories in cold decay, Transmissions echoing away, Far from the world of you and I, Where oceans bleed into the sky!
Oh! Like memories in cold decay, Transmissions echoing away, Far from the world of you and I, Where oceans bleed into the sky.
Lift me up, Let me go... (x10)
(God bless us everyone, We're a broken people living under loaded gun. And it can't be outfought, It can't be outdone, It can't be outmatched, It can't be outrun. No!)
God bless us everyone, We're a broken people living under loaded gun. And it can't be outfought, It can't be outdone, It can't be outmatched, It can't be outrun.

The Difference

   Why do we stop dreaming and trying as we get older? Why do some people looked at the world with full of optimism while the others turned away in disdain? It's all because of a difference. These people have that ability to stand out from the crowd (in a positive way and not a weird way). It's all about that persona that will draw people to you, making it easier for you to persuade them and sway them in your direction. Some may have it, and some may not. The truth is, however, it can be learnt.

   The topic came out once again when I was down and needed someone to talk to. I was sure that Ben was busy so I was resorting to going back home and chill out with a movie after an arduous 3 hours of tuition. Yet, he then told me that he was somehow free later in the evening. I was still contemplating about many things - My uni placings, my possible life and whether I've truly changed. Somehow during dinner that night, the topic about Ben and his love interest, Angel, slowly diverge into a talk about my "work in progress" life. I remembered that brief chat with Rick that morning in camp and I was relating it to him.

   "I don't understand you. Let me be honest with you. Maybe the reason why you're not attached is because you think that you're bloody handsome. You are so picky in the girls that you want. If you are finding for that girl who doesn't do the vices, like smoking, drinking etc., then might as well you get out there and find a conservative girl that wears a Tudung. Your expectations are too high man..."

   I have to admit that I was pissed when he said that. But it's true. I am picky with the girls that I'm interested in. I was ditching Ruzia back then just because she smokes. I couldn't accept YY when she was such a bimbo around guys. I was judging Nicole secretively just because she had a tattoo, smokes and drinks. I was so anal with this kind of things that little did I realise that I was being judgemental myself. I was so sure that I'm the last person that would judge someone just from face value but I was wrong. I had always been wanting a girl who is tall, pretty, funny, who understands me and will stay with me both in good times and bad, who doesn't smoke or drink or had tattoos, and not to mention still single. When I look back at this previous sentence, it really does seems impossible to find a girl like that in Singapore, unless I was finding a conservative girl like what Rick mentioned.

   There is a more pressing issue though. I may have changed, but I need to do much better if I want to influence others. This includes if I want to pull others, including girls, into my social sphere. Ben's words and experiences at RP made me look back at the people I know - Hilmy, Ashraff, Khalil, Chun Kiat, Rick, Scott etc. So what does these guys have in common?

   


   Paradoxically, the things that they have in common is actually their differences. It's what set them apart from the crowd (as I mentioned earlier). Let's see :-

Hilmy - Leadership qualities ;
Ashraff - Sketching and Design ;
Khalil - Photography (and dressing skills) ;
Chun Kiat - Ability to pick up girls ;
Rick - Photography ;
Scott - Travelling guy
   
   So, this means that I must find that one thing that sets me apart from everyone else. Ben did mentioned that Toastmasters will help me in this one but that would mean that I have to wait a little while longer. Yet that's not it. "What is that one things that I have that any of you don't have?"

   When I think of it, it could be Geography. I kept thinking and talking about it. I was busy explaining to William about how the heritage in inner cities was being preserved by creating places like that Strangers Reunion Cafè. I was always checking the net to find some way, any way, to get into Earth Science. I would tweet about things like earthquakes and coastal improvements. My wallpaper has always been natural wonders like volcanoes and hurricanes. I was elated to teach Pradip, my tutee, every time that lesson was Geography. It felt like everything is intricately related to Geography and naturally to Him.

   And so maybe I should try expanding this "equation" further. Maybe I could be a traveller like Scott? Maybe I should do unique sports and activities that is somehow related to my geographical interest? Or I could expand this blog itself to become a food blog, since I loved travelling to try out foods around Singapore? Either way, if I'm really keen on turning the tides on how people see me, I've to embark on a journey of self-discovery to find what truly makes me different and interesting. ^.^

Cafè Talks

   This place have been turning into my personal ranting spot since so many may see what am I thinking through the social media. Anyway, my campmate had taught me a valuable yet painful lesson as to not rant anything out on places like Twitter or Facebook, as nobody cares and people will always judge. Hence, this is my only spot left to let out whatever I'm feeling without getting caught (No, I'm not gonna leak some confidential government secret or something).

   Right after my shift ends, I was able to catch up with William after his semestral exams. And boy, he looked so stressed up. So, out of the blue, I set up an impromptu cafe-hopping session with the guy. We went to two cafes - One at Bukit Merah and another in Kampung Bahru.

   The first cafe was the best I must say. Butterscotch Cafè is its name and their signature dish, Butterscotch Soufflè, lives up to their name. The taste just melts in your mouth together with its vanilla ice-cream and chocolate syrup. Though they had a waiting time of 30-45 minutes for the dish, it was well worth it. I couldn't afford the time and stomach to try out all their dishes but I would also recommend their Chilli Crab Burger. There are other great dishes as well, in line with their French palette  And don't forget to couple these dishes with a cup of coffee. My choice had been cut clear there - Caramel Macchiato. And yes, it one of the best that I've ever taste so far (Even beating Starbucks, sorry Ben). Overall, the ambience and the food made my day and I would recommend anyone to head back for another round next time.

   We immediately made our way to the next destination - Stranger's Reunion at Kampung Bahru. The ambience was awesome as we went in, although it was a tad too crowded. The food, however, was somewhat mediocre at best. Their signature dishes and coffee - Iced Waffles and "Magic" coffee was so-so and kind of pricey as compared to the other cafès. Then again, I was elated to have visited this cafe as part of my virgin cafè-hopping session. I wouldn't recommend this cafè though.

   Now, this is where the story comes in. During the whole excitement, me and William were occupied taking pictures, selfies and snapchats of our experiences there. I was also catching up with him about university stuff and plans. That's when Nicole came into the picture again. Her reply to my snapchat was somewhat "urgh" and kind of startled me, making me regret sending her a snapchat of my experience in the first place (or interacting with her again to begin with). It was her, eating Popeyes with her boyfriend and feeding each other a spoonful. And you know what? I was being all that enthusiastic showing William what was receiving a snapchat really like. "Is that her boyfriend?" was all that he said. Later that evening (and I'm still regretting giving her one too many snapchats), there she was on Twitter with her bf and Jessie. 

   So where am I going with this? Yes, simply put, I'm jealous and pissed about her and her significant other and I had no idea why. It's just a crush that I felt with her, just like any other girls and I'm just simply worried that I'm gonna do stupid things, like falling in love with anyone who just show an inch of attention to me. It felt like I'm a despo and I just want to stay away from her, or any other girl for that matter. Because I don't wanna fall in love so deeply and get so hurt without reply in the end.

   So there you have it. It's that very reason that I'm too afraid to try. It's that reason that had caused me jealousy and hurt seeing one by one, the friends around me getting hitched and loved. It's that reason that makes me so worried of getting near to any girl anymore, for if I fall for them, they will just hurt me.

   What's good about me then? Why am I still trying so vehemently to be positive, regardless whether it's genuine or just a show? I see myself as someone who is capable of picking up girls if I wanted to, and be a very nice boyfriend if I needed to. Hell no, I can well be one of the best boyfriends around! I see the potential in me too many times - In the dating books and techniques that I've already knew, in all those times that I've been comforting and advising the guys about relationships (Oh, the irony!), in all those patching up that I've somehow aided and on top of it all, that overall change in perspective. Yet, I'm still afraid to get hurt so much so that it becomes a phobia.

   
   When I accompanied Deepak home after my shift, I asked him how does he feel if he ever meet his ex one fine day, maybe in a party or some event. He told me that he doesn't feel a thing and it's just some stupid past that he shouldn't get too affected about. He even mentioned that he would befriend with his ex. It made me question a few decisions, like whether to go for any of those parties. Zhi Sheng, my classmate, is having one this Sunday and Nicole is also having one on the same day. Honestly speaking, I feel stupid thinking this way. Maybe not knowing would've made me opened up instead.

"Ignorance is bliss..." ~ Kelly Clarkson

The Promise

   I remember that day very well. It was the third day of Hari Raya and I came to Yang's (my great grandmother) house in the afternoon to celebrate. Me and my mom were close to Yang as she had always been there for us and cared for our welfare. I was also a fan of her Nasi Briyani with Parciri Mangga, as I would call it her signature dish. She cooked it that day (much to my joy). Most of the family was eventually there by the evening but since I came earlier, I've got a chance to tour around the area and collect money envelopes. I remembered raking almost a hundred bucks from that area alone (I collected a total of $1000 at the end of that month). When I came back to her house, Yang was curious and shocked to see a stack of money on my hands. She asked my mom how did I get that kind of money and my mom had to bluff her, claiming that it was from my savings. I will never forget her face back then.

   Later in the evening, as everybody was leaving, me and my family stayed a little while longer. It was a little after 9, and I was massaging Yang's back and legs while my mom was talking to her. She was the kind who likes sleeping early as she asked us to leave very soon. As my mom packed her things, Yang turned to me and spoke. I will never forget the words that came out of her mouth. "Bila aku takde nanti Aziz, kau jangan lupe jaga mak dan adik kau sampai bile-bile. Kau sekarang ketua keluarga jadi kau kene diri teguh untuk diorang. Janji Yang, Aziz, walau ape sekalipun kau akan jaga mak dengan adik kau.." Little did I realised that that would be her last words towards me. 

   She passed away the year later during my JC Prelims  and I was left devastated (as seen from my Hereafter post). In my mind was that I have just lost another one who had faith in me; a person who sees me for something more and believes that I'm capable of great things. First it was my grandmother, and then her. Now, the remnants of both of my grandparents lies with my mum, and I couldn't bear to lose one more. My mum along with my sis are the only close families that I have left.

   It was on the same occasion last year. I walked from my camp to the cemetery to pay my respects. As I sat at her grave, I remembered the promise that I made to her and I've failed to keep my promise. My family was in disarray and I just came out of prison with nothing close of a certain and bright future. Yes, I had plans to make it better at that time but it just seems futile. After reading the Yassin, I just sat there and cried. I can imagine their faces, looking at me sadly and I just wished that I could do better. I just wished that I could be better.

   Now, as I looked forward, things are getting better. My family's stabilising with mum getting a job. I've got a proper place in NTU and my sis is slowly adapting better in school. Moreover, I feel and looked better. It may not be completely improved, but we're getting there. I'm slowly fulfilling the promise that I've made. Yet, it's also the very same reason why I had to mature quickly and step up for my family. I know that guys my age are still enjoying life as it is while I'm busy working and studying my ass out to better my family. I know that I may passed as a boring guy who may not know how to enjoy life, but I've got no choice. If I want to achieve my dreams, to fulfil my mum's dreams and the promise that I've made, I have to live a life like this. I will always make an effort to better myself and my life but the priority remains them. I cant't leave them behind anymore.

   This morning, my mum suddenly asked me why I have never left them, even after all that I've been through. Guess you guys already know why...

Drinking Thoughts

Prelude :

   It's been only 3 days since my last post and I'm craving for more. Maybe it's better that I keep this posts simple from now on as it's not easy to keep it up. I'm getting used to Mac and it's specs so I'm having some fun.






Drinking Thoughts

   It was suppose to be a boring Saturday with no plans. I was feeling disappointed during Pradip and Aryan's tuition as I had no plans with anybody this weekend. Ben was telling me that he was too busy, what with his new course mates and work. As I head towards Starbucks afterwards for my usual coffee, he suddenly called me up to join him and Ryan for a drink. Honestly speaking, I was suspicious.

   So, with a Bacardi Breezer in their hands, he and Ryan spilled the beans. They do say that drunk people tend to tell the truth, no matter how bitter it may sounds. That's where the talk about my love life came up again. Ben was again assertive about me taking up Toastmaster in order for me to better my social skills and improve my so-called "monotonous" voice. He was telling me that I couldn't pick up girls at this state and lacked the confidence. And here they go, telling me about how I should try hitting on girls and live life a little bit (I'm surprised that he got me there). Yes, they may be drunk but some of their words do made sense. Am I really that boring? Do I passed as a person who is a "geek"? If I stare eye to eye with a girl (I don't even know whether I can there in the first place), can I ask her out? It kind of worries me. I lost a bit of trust on Ben back there.

   

   As I tried to defend myself vehemently and changed the topic (which I failed eventually), I turned to my phone only to find Nicole's "sweet" tweet about her boyfriend. So it's true that Firdaus was her boyfriend after all.  I suppressed a smile as usual, adamant that I'm not what I'm used to be and that I can pick up girls if I wanted. It's just that I'm tired of trying for now (of course I couldn't tell them that as they were drunk and it's useless). I continued my usual "happy-go-lucky" front all the was to the bus-stop. 

   

   Throughout the 161 bus ride, I was depressed. Ben talked about earlier that he was closing in on a girl named Angel, whom he met and known in RP for merely a week. Yes, I'm happy and ecstatic for him. He deserved it after all that he has been through. But I can't help but to pity myself just a little bit. This means that I'm the only single guy left amongst the guys. It just felt as if I failed some "guy" initiation and packs a blow to my esteem, regardless of how much I may have gotten used to it. I tried lying to myself again that I could sleep it off but I know this wouldn't change.
   

   I instantly felt like deleting Nicole's number again out of anger, just as I did when I first known YY. It's as if she was the cause of my emotional state but it's not true. And yet, I didn't. It made me question whether I can really pull myself out of this state before it's too late. Or maybe it's better that I don't pull out of this state so soon, for maybe the grass ain't that greener on the other side? I'm just curious, and guys will always have that longing for love from a woman. It's just biology.

Restart

   It's been a few days since my last post and I was glad that I have this Macbook. With it I could update this corner much more often. Though I'm still busy with work and family stuff, I could still craft up a post in the bus or camp. It will take a while though for me to get used to this computer and its specs. With that in mind, here's a piece of my mind.






1) Preliminary results

   I got an email from NTU on the 21st, telling me about the outcome of my application. I knew immediately that this isn't good news. In order for me to get into EESS, I had to get through an interview first and only then the outcome will follow. This email would mean that I didn't make the cut. On the flip-side, the email means that I still have a fighting chance at the major, just that I have to continue the battle for another year. I've got to say that I was lucky and blessed by Allah, as the course that I've managed to clinched was a tough course with a small intake and a high cut-off grade - Mathematics & Economics. Not only is the course presenting a BBB/C grade (way off from my grades of BCC/C), it had a small intake of 96 students and was directly in the Faculty Of Science, the same faculty EESS is in. This would mean that I would stand a higher chance of transferring into the course, given that it's from the same faculty. 

   Yet, Cel cautioned me on my chances earlier on. Her friend had only managed to transfer to EESS from CBC (another course in the faculty) as she had an outstanding grade of AAB/B and a 4.3 GPA. This did not include the interview, which she succeeded in handling. This means that I've an uphill battle ahead. The only way I could transfer into EESS in 2015 was to get a 4.3 or better GPA in Mathematics & Economics. And Mathematics was never my strongest suit. I'm also faced with a familiar challenge - study university-level Economics with no background of Econs whatsoever. This is seriously not a position I want to be in right now.

   The deadline for acceptance is this 2nd June and until then, I can re-think strategy. Right now, I'm still waiting for a reply from NUS with a hope for a place in FASS. Yet, I knew that I can't get my hopes up too high as NUS is highly competitive and there are many of my peers who didn't make the cut although they had better grades. This course may well be my only chance, or a risk, to get back into the game. Honestly speaking, it felt as if I've been voted out in a game of Survivor only to find myself being sent to Redemption Island for a chance to fight my way back into the game. I'm down, but I'm not out.

   I came across my draft for a post immediately after my application outcome :-

"I'll do anything for my course. I'll sacrifice everything for my dream. I'm too frustrated right now. Not that I ain't grateful of what I've got but this is not going to cut it. I didn't come this far just to concede for second place or some course that I don't want to do. I want my dream. I want EESS. I'm hungry for success and I don't even know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. I want to fight and I want to prove that those grades from my re-take was just the beginning. I know deep down inside that I'm capable of so much more and I'm very, very angry inside. I'll do anything to get what I want, regardless of the time I need to achieve it. I've made the impossible happen before. I must make it happen one more time. 4.3 GPA in Math & Econs, no compromise and transfer out. There's no way out of this.  This can't be the end. I know I can't live with this if I didn't try. If I'm gonna go down, might as well I go down  swinging."

2) The same realisation

   I mentioned about my past down here a few times before, knowing that one day I may well have to face it. There is always a reason behind my actions, regardless of whether it's wrong or right. I do feel the need to explain it sometimes but I soon realised, in this life, not everyone deserves it.

   



   
   It began with YY (and if you take a look back at all my previous posts, it was all about her). Initially I blamed myself for being such an idiot to fall for her and all, but then I felt that it's inevitable. I mean, look at my situation at that time. I was just a young freshie out of an all-boys school with raging hormones. And on my first day, I sat beside a bimbo who was really, really friendly. I comprehend why I may passed as a creep back then, what with me continuously pestering her and stuck to her just because she held my hand once and took a ride home with me (this is not to mention that back then I was a pessimist and overweight).

   Maybe I just never had a knack with girls. Gave YY a teddy bear on her birthday and I was ostracised in return. I didn't give up, adamant that it was just a one time affair. Some time later, I gave Zura a pair of Beats on her birthday, ending up getting shunned away till today. Gave Cel a book on her birthday only to have her giving me a cold shoulder for months (that took a while though to mend up, and at least it did). Tried to get close to my colleague, Ruzia, back then when I was working at Cathay and the guys there quickly ended it by putting a wedge between me and her. Tried picking up a girl who was working at Starbucks by giving her my number, only to find out that she quitted her job the following week because of me. Tried to be nice to Panittha, who was my tutee back then, by giving her cupcakes for her birthday and I lost my assignment the following week.

   So what is my mindset right now? As a guy, and as expected, I kept pinning a hope that there is that girl who would truly appreciate me. Yet, that hope was soon replaced by the lack of emotion on my part (ie. "I'm just lazy to chase after you already." or "I couldn't care less of what you feel about me.") It's just the feeling that it can't happen, and it won't happen, what more with the responsibilities that I'm shouldering right now.

    When Nicole texted me that evening, I was curious and suspicious to be exact. I mean come on! One does not simply text you out of the blue without any motives. When I met up with her, I almost made the same mistake that I did back then when I first met YY. And as I slowly get to know her, I came to know of her relationship with my past classmates and her ex-boyfriends. Honestly speaking, there was that ridiculous glimmer of hope playing in my feelings when we chatted. Maybe it's just a sign that I need to learn more on how friends react and that how girls actually react to guys, and boyfriends.

   When I met Ben later that evening, I told him of what was lingering in my mind all day (also about my previous post). I realise that I wasn't angry at her for regarding me as a friend and nothing more. I wasn't even pissed that she treated her other guy friends better. Anyway I don't even know her that well. A part of me had always wanted more but I know better than that to pursue wrong feelings like that. What bothers me though was the fact that she knew too many "unwanted" people from my past. And if I ever get close to her, I will surely have to be in their circle. As much as I know that it's inevitable, I want to avoid it as long as possible. I may have changed and achieved so much, but deep down inside is a dark past that people should not know and judge me from. Yes, I don't really care about what those guys think of me. I'm more worried of what my new university mates who are going to meet me is going to think, if they are ever influenced by these guys. I want a clean slate, as I said before.

   As I move forward, I know that somehow I will have to face this fear once and for all. When I bumped into Shahrizal yesterday at Uniqlo, it just showed me that somehow everybody is intricately linked together. Everybody knows everyone. Furthermore, there's no way I'm going to escape this situation with a perfect woman who is unrelated in this whole equation. 

      As for girls, I understand that I haven't had my first relationship although I'm 22 (No, I'm a man and not a gay). But I can't let that desire destroy my live and my family's lives that I wanted to rebuild so badly. If I have to sacrifice love over happiness then so be it. This could very well be my destiny.