Cafè Talks

   This place have been turning into my personal ranting spot since so many may see what am I thinking through the social media. Anyway, my campmate had taught me a valuable yet painful lesson as to not rant anything out on places like Twitter or Facebook, as nobody cares and people will always judge. Hence, this is my only spot left to let out whatever I'm feeling without getting caught (No, I'm not gonna leak some confidential government secret or something).

   Right after my shift ends, I was able to catch up with William after his semestral exams. And boy, he looked so stressed up. So, out of the blue, I set up an impromptu cafe-hopping session with the guy. We went to two cafes - One at Bukit Merah and another in Kampung Bahru.

   The first cafe was the best I must say. Butterscotch Cafè is its name and their signature dish, Butterscotch Soufflè, lives up to their name. The taste just melts in your mouth together with its vanilla ice-cream and chocolate syrup. Though they had a waiting time of 30-45 minutes for the dish, it was well worth it. I couldn't afford the time and stomach to try out all their dishes but I would also recommend their Chilli Crab Burger. There are other great dishes as well, in line with their French palette  And don't forget to couple these dishes with a cup of coffee. My choice had been cut clear there - Caramel Macchiato. And yes, it one of the best that I've ever taste so far (Even beating Starbucks, sorry Ben). Overall, the ambience and the food made my day and I would recommend anyone to head back for another round next time.

   We immediately made our way to the next destination - Stranger's Reunion at Kampung Bahru. The ambience was awesome as we went in, although it was a tad too crowded. The food, however, was somewhat mediocre at best. Their signature dishes and coffee - Iced Waffles and "Magic" coffee was so-so and kind of pricey as compared to the other cafès. Then again, I was elated to have visited this cafe as part of my virgin cafè-hopping session. I wouldn't recommend this cafè though.

   Now, this is where the story comes in. During the whole excitement, me and William were occupied taking pictures, selfies and snapchats of our experiences there. I was also catching up with him about university stuff and plans. That's when Nicole came into the picture again. Her reply to my snapchat was somewhat "urgh" and kind of startled me, making me regret sending her a snapchat of my experience in the first place (or interacting with her again to begin with). It was her, eating Popeyes with her boyfriend and feeding each other a spoonful. And you know what? I was being all that enthusiastic showing William what was receiving a snapchat really like. "Is that her boyfriend?" was all that he said. Later that evening (and I'm still regretting giving her one too many snapchats), there she was on Twitter with her bf and Jessie. 

   So where am I going with this? Yes, simply put, I'm jealous and pissed about her and her significant other and I had no idea why. It's just a crush that I felt with her, just like any other girls and I'm just simply worried that I'm gonna do stupid things, like falling in love with anyone who just show an inch of attention to me. It felt like I'm a despo and I just want to stay away from her, or any other girl for that matter. Because I don't wanna fall in love so deeply and get so hurt without reply in the end.

   So there you have it. It's that very reason that I'm too afraid to try. It's that reason that had caused me jealousy and hurt seeing one by one, the friends around me getting hitched and loved. It's that reason that makes me so worried of getting near to any girl anymore, for if I fall for them, they will just hurt me.

   What's good about me then? Why am I still trying so vehemently to be positive, regardless whether it's genuine or just a show? I see myself as someone who is capable of picking up girls if I wanted to, and be a very nice boyfriend if I needed to. Hell no, I can well be one of the best boyfriends around! I see the potential in me too many times - In the dating books and techniques that I've already knew, in all those times that I've been comforting and advising the guys about relationships (Oh, the irony!), in all those patching up that I've somehow aided and on top of it all, that overall change in perspective. Yet, I'm still afraid to get hurt so much so that it becomes a phobia.

   
   When I accompanied Deepak home after my shift, I asked him how does he feel if he ever meet his ex one fine day, maybe in a party or some event. He told me that he doesn't feel a thing and it's just some stupid past that he shouldn't get too affected about. He even mentioned that he would befriend with his ex. It made me question a few decisions, like whether to go for any of those parties. Zhi Sheng, my classmate, is having one this Sunday and Nicole is also having one on the same day. Honestly speaking, I feel stupid thinking this way. Maybe not knowing would've made me opened up instead.

"Ignorance is bliss..." ~ Kelly Clarkson