Drinking Thoughts

Prelude :

   It's been only 3 days since my last post and I'm craving for more. Maybe it's better that I keep this posts simple from now on as it's not easy to keep it up. I'm getting used to Mac and it's specs so I'm having some fun.






Drinking Thoughts

   It was suppose to be a boring Saturday with no plans. I was feeling disappointed during Pradip and Aryan's tuition as I had no plans with anybody this weekend. Ben was telling me that he was too busy, what with his new course mates and work. As I head towards Starbucks afterwards for my usual coffee, he suddenly called me up to join him and Ryan for a drink. Honestly speaking, I was suspicious.

   So, with a Bacardi Breezer in their hands, he and Ryan spilled the beans. They do say that drunk people tend to tell the truth, no matter how bitter it may sounds. That's where the talk about my love life came up again. Ben was again assertive about me taking up Toastmaster in order for me to better my social skills and improve my so-called "monotonous" voice. He was telling me that I couldn't pick up girls at this state and lacked the confidence. And here they go, telling me about how I should try hitting on girls and live life a little bit (I'm surprised that he got me there). Yes, they may be drunk but some of their words do made sense. Am I really that boring? Do I passed as a person who is a "geek"? If I stare eye to eye with a girl (I don't even know whether I can there in the first place), can I ask her out? It kind of worries me. I lost a bit of trust on Ben back there.

   

   As I tried to defend myself vehemently and changed the topic (which I failed eventually), I turned to my phone only to find Nicole's "sweet" tweet about her boyfriend. So it's true that Firdaus was her boyfriend after all.  I suppressed a smile as usual, adamant that I'm not what I'm used to be and that I can pick up girls if I wanted. It's just that I'm tired of trying for now (of course I couldn't tell them that as they were drunk and it's useless). I continued my usual "happy-go-lucky" front all the was to the bus-stop. 

   

   Throughout the 161 bus ride, I was depressed. Ben talked about earlier that he was closing in on a girl named Angel, whom he met and known in RP for merely a week. Yes, I'm happy and ecstatic for him. He deserved it after all that he has been through. But I can't help but to pity myself just a little bit. This means that I'm the only single guy left amongst the guys. It just felt as if I failed some "guy" initiation and packs a blow to my esteem, regardless of how much I may have gotten used to it. I tried lying to myself again that I could sleep it off but I know this wouldn't change.
   

   I instantly felt like deleting Nicole's number again out of anger, just as I did when I first known YY. It's as if she was the cause of my emotional state but it's not true. And yet, I didn't. It made me question whether I can really pull myself out of this state before it's too late. Or maybe it's better that I don't pull out of this state so soon, for maybe the grass ain't that greener on the other side? I'm just curious, and guys will always have that longing for love from a woman. It's just biology.