The Promise

   I remember that day very well. It was the third day of Hari Raya and I came to Yang's (my great grandmother) house in the afternoon to celebrate. Me and my mom were close to Yang as she had always been there for us and cared for our welfare. I was also a fan of her Nasi Briyani with Parciri Mangga, as I would call it her signature dish. She cooked it that day (much to my joy). Most of the family was eventually there by the evening but since I came earlier, I've got a chance to tour around the area and collect money envelopes. I remembered raking almost a hundred bucks from that area alone (I collected a total of $1000 at the end of that month). When I came back to her house, Yang was curious and shocked to see a stack of money on my hands. She asked my mom how did I get that kind of money and my mom had to bluff her, claiming that it was from my savings. I will never forget her face back then.

   Later in the evening, as everybody was leaving, me and my family stayed a little while longer. It was a little after 9, and I was massaging Yang's back and legs while my mom was talking to her. She was the kind who likes sleeping early as she asked us to leave very soon. As my mom packed her things, Yang turned to me and spoke. I will never forget the words that came out of her mouth. "Bila aku takde nanti Aziz, kau jangan lupe jaga mak dan adik kau sampai bile-bile. Kau sekarang ketua keluarga jadi kau kene diri teguh untuk diorang. Janji Yang, Aziz, walau ape sekalipun kau akan jaga mak dengan adik kau.." Little did I realised that that would be her last words towards me. 

   She passed away the year later during my JC Prelims  and I was left devastated (as seen from my Hereafter post). In my mind was that I have just lost another one who had faith in me; a person who sees me for something more and believes that I'm capable of great things. First it was my grandmother, and then her. Now, the remnants of both of my grandparents lies with my mum, and I couldn't bear to lose one more. My mum along with my sis are the only close families that I have left.

   It was on the same occasion last year. I walked from my camp to the cemetery to pay my respects. As I sat at her grave, I remembered the promise that I made to her and I've failed to keep my promise. My family was in disarray and I just came out of prison with nothing close of a certain and bright future. Yes, I had plans to make it better at that time but it just seems futile. After reading the Yassin, I just sat there and cried. I can imagine their faces, looking at me sadly and I just wished that I could do better. I just wished that I could be better.

   Now, as I looked forward, things are getting better. My family's stabilising with mum getting a job. I've got a proper place in NTU and my sis is slowly adapting better in school. Moreover, I feel and looked better. It may not be completely improved, but we're getting there. I'm slowly fulfilling the promise that I've made. Yet, it's also the very same reason why I had to mature quickly and step up for my family. I know that guys my age are still enjoying life as it is while I'm busy working and studying my ass out to better my family. I know that I may passed as a boring guy who may not know how to enjoy life, but I've got no choice. If I want to achieve my dreams, to fulfil my mum's dreams and the promise that I've made, I have to live a life like this. I will always make an effort to better myself and my life but the priority remains them. I cant't leave them behind anymore.

   This morning, my mum suddenly asked me why I have never left them, even after all that I've been through. Guess you guys already know why...