Gratitude

   It's 2 am and I can't sleep. After trying my best to kill time from reading "Divergent" by Veronica Roth, to making myself a nice instant noodle supper, I just can't sleep. It's most probably because I know what's going to happen tomorrow. The day I've been dreading for all the while. And the days leading to it just doesn't seems to get any better.

   It's been over a month since I was being posted into Yishun Fire Station and things are slowly falling into place. Acquaintances soon become friends and the bonding slowly grew stronger among the guys in the same Rota shift. Sooner than expected, ideas such as getting a new part-time job, re-taking my A' levels and getting a driver's license are on my mind. But there are setbacks. Maybe the problems doesn't lies in camp but rather lies back at home. I"m slowly drifting away from my family like I've never felt before. And the worse part of it all is the feeling that you couldn't do anything about it. It was confirmed that my remand of 3 weeks would have to be served in order for me to get a probation but that was never the root of the problem. My mom was. And if she didn't find a job soon enough, nothing  would solve the pressing financial crisis that had been plaguing my family for years. My sister is growing and so is her education level. And my mom is not getting any younger. Money was always the issue and after my father went MIA again recently, thing are getting more tough at home. 

   And so I am in a dilemma again. I know I've screwed up many times but this time I was right. I know that if and only if my my mom finds a job outside, all these issues would just vanish or at least be less painful to bear. But how do I explain that to her, when she always snaps upon listening to this topic? Personally, I couldn't bear seeing her state like this - a body that's hasn't bathed for months, reeking of cigarette smell and scars, messed up hair, torn up clothes and an obsession with Facebook for too long. I wanted her to change but she doesn't respond similarly to it. And it gets harder when heated words are exchanged and ties are almost severed. It doesn't have to end this way but she's not helping. It soon takes a toll on me as every trip outside became better than coming back home to a dreadful life like this. My mood changes badly every time I came home to see my family. Even my amalan and ibadat are slacking severely at home as compared to camp. No, I don't want such a life and I believe that my family is not destined to suffer this much, even if it is from our own accord. And I still believe that we can pull ourselves out of this mess. But does she?

   So the remand starts tomorrow and the damage has been done, but I've yet to turn my back against my family. Yes, my attitude these days hadn't been great but all this was due to my disappointment and disapproval of her actions. I know that I may have crossed the lines one too many times but it's hard to draw the boundaries between right and wrong sometimes when blood ties are concerned. But it may all be for good. And maybe, just maybe, being more decisive and standing firmly to my decisions may help my family pull out of this mess once and for all. Nobody wants to see their family suffer as such and it's my responsibility to at least pull her out of her daze just to realise this. I want a normal life just like everybody else, and I know deep down inside that she does too. So does my sister.

   So in a few hours, I'll be facing trial and I don't know how it will all end. Insyallah, I'll get my probation but as for the remand, I may have to serve it first before continuing on my NS life. As for this blog, once again it will be mouldy for a month before I'll update it again. And from now on, most of the update would be 75% GP related, 25% personal to assist myself on the road to A' levels again (Yes, I've made up my mind this time). So let's pray hard everything would be much more better and different in 2013. Insyallah..

    Sometimes you inspire confidence in yourself amid the heartbreaking injustices and ignorance, saying "the truth will prevail". Yet, at the same time, you wish you could do something more significant to address the matter, and you wish your friends could have a similar sentiment for the matter.

~Muhammad Arif, Purpose and Purposefulness

Love

   Yup, I'm getting lazier to update my blog these days, especially with all the stuff that's going on around me. The thoughts of updating this keeps coming from time to time but there are just some things that require my immediate attention instead. Right now, station life's good and I'm slowly but surely getting accustomed to the culture there. The guys in my shift were surprisingly nice and better than I initially expected. As for my case, it's still pending for probation but I'm making my own amends with my life already. And hopefully, with God's grace, I'll pull out of this setback just like I did before.

   Nevertheless, my issues apart, the idea of love was still in my mind. I've took a step back to rethink and maybe NS had given me the perfect opportunity to do so. The fundamentals and idea of love was actually vague to me regardless how much I'd would like to deny it. I have to admit that the past love mistakes that I've made should not negatively influence my future life. But then again, the thought just had to come and go sometimes.

   Just a few days back, I've watched a Chinese love dilemma called "You're The Apple Of My Eye". The story, set in the scene of the high school life, depicts a guy who was mischievous and was never interested in studies meeting his match, a girl who was a scholar of the school. The movie continues as the guy was forced by teachers to be tutored by this girl, much to the obvious dislike of the guy. Yup, this guy, including his friends, do actually have a major crush on this girl but obviously she wasn't interested. As the days goes on, he developed a sense of responsibility to take his study seriously (after being reprimanded by the girl of course) and sets out on a course to improve his grades. Eventually, they became close in the process with a mutual liking for each other. After they graduated, they went to different universities to pursue their studies. They maintained contact with each other and soon, went out on informal dates. There was a point in time where the guy indirectly professed his love towards her but was too afraid to be rejected. She never really did reply. As the story continues, the guy's willful character brought their relationship to the rocks and eventually he severed contacts with her. The regret only came later after his close friend back in college made him realise that his stupid attitude made him lose the girl who actually loves him and was willing to wait for him. But then, it was too late, as she had married another guy...

   The idea of love came again after my close friend was in a dilemma of whether to accept the love of a particular girl. Initially, she broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her. Both Him and her were already friends when she made contact with Him again after a few months. They grew closer after meeting up a couple of times for group studying and dinner (Oh yes, back then I was tutoring Him for his O' levels so I've heard about this for some time already).  Soon enough, she confessed to Him about her feelings and He, who was kinda shocked at that time, shrugged away the idea of being together. He thought that she was taking him for a ride (or a rebound guy if I may say). Nevertheless, they continued to be friends. Well until He wanted to give her chance after He was sure about her and her feelings. However, she had waited too long and was probably insecure about going on a relationship again now..

   I know I still have some feeling for you but then I feel that we should not progress further...if I would know your answer few week back before I made up my decision, I guess I will be happy to accept you and be with you in a relationship. .I feel there is much better girl out there (: they are prettier and smarter than me..for me I am just a normal girl, a down-to-earth girl who tend to be dependent in everything I do and don't like to depend on other.how sure are you that your feeling for me is true or just so called friend admire ? I did think of you for the past 4 months and hope time can turn back so we can forget what had happened before that and be together but then damaged had done and we cant forget it...

   About Him, I've told Him to give her the time and space. Maybe she'll be able to accept Him in the future as she still has feelings. Moreover, she just came out of a relationship. Right now, He's taking a break from studies and all of this somewhere along the coast of Bali.

   These stories (or experiences you may say) just shows how complicated love can be. Love is never as simple as an arithmetic problem with a single linear solution. And when you think you know what love really means, there is yet a lot there is to know about love. True love is directly related to your fate and destiny, and fate is never predictable. The feelings of the opposite side are never sure, just as much as yours. Like a teacher of mine once said, love is more than just a warm, fuzzy feeling felt inside the heart. The idea of relationships, thereafter leading to marriage requires more than love to get by. In fact, love has its different way of expressing it. From its conventional ways of displaying care and concern and  physical touch, to somewhat different ways such as expressing jealousy and getting into arguments with other one. Love is never easy, and it never should be, for love can easily and unknowingly fade away with time. Those were my opinions on love. My ideas otherwise, well, maybe my destiny doesn't run parallel with love after all. The responsibilities I'm carrying, both now and in the future, doesn't give me the room to experience love. But like I said, destiny is never predictable. So let God decide this...

Updating the past

   This was actually a handwritten blog that I've made during my trainee days. Never did I realised that I've not updated my blog for a month. And it seems that I just could not find any time to sit down and type out a post comfortably (talk about getting the blog mouldy). But, after my training and getting accustomed to station life in Yishun, I've finally had some time to do this :-

   It took me a long time to find a space within these really tight schedule to update my blog again. Somehow too much had happened and so many lives had changed during this short span of time. From POP, the beginning of my trial, my unexpected posting to SRC and the roller coaster of emotions that reverberated around the people who knows me. And here I am now, still alive and blogging live from CDA, where pain and tiredness was the staple everyday.

  I'd still remembered those days leading to the POP. Regardless of how hard it was to endure PT, all those footdrills and a restrictive environment, we succeeded and we laughed our way to POP night. And when it came, it was not less of a memorable night. Crazy footdrills, "Tekan" sessions for fun, water parade (or water playing to be exact), and a lights out without any last movement for the whole night. The next day came and gone with a POP parade and a half day to book out. As I looked at dorm 21 for the final time and left a note for the next intake, I knew very well that I'm gonna miss these times when I post out on that Monday. And yes, I do until now.

   Unfortunately, during the time I was still serving a recruit live,  I was informed of the outcome of my police case. As predicted, they were planning to proceed with the charges and bring me forward to court. I remembered clearly those words coming out of my OC's mouth, and me breaking down again at the stairs thereafter. The first mention came the following week, 1 week before POP. With a heavy heart and a troubled mind, I took my off pass (which would inevitably led to me getting guard duty later that week) and made my way to AMK police station. Over there, I was made aware of the charges that I'm facing and my next court hearing. The sight of the lockup was unbearable as I remembered those times I suffered in there. Worse still, I had to enter it again for a blood and fingerprint sample. Back outside, with charge papers in one hand and a court mention on another, I hold that urge to break down in front my mom. But God knows how hurt I was at that moment. I wasn't only sad, I was really mad at myself.

   The court mention came the day after at 10 am, with a possibility me a sentencing later that day. I could not explain really how it felt going to the stands as a criminal. I couldn't be any more terrified of the outcome of the trial. When the moment came for me to answer to the charges, I was ready to plead guilty and accept the consequences that is coming. That was until by God's grace, my father had an option of hiring a lawyer, who was a close friend me my family. Although it was most likely that I'll be put under probation due to my circumstances, I followed my instinct and plead for a lawyer to represent me. And thank God, my instincts were right. Had I go on with the sentencing, it could have been worse. It could be something that I've never imagined happening to me - Jail time.

   Facing this dilemma could not be any tougher with my f***ed up vocation that I was assigned to, once again thanks to my bloody OC, the SRC - Special Rescue Company. Yeah, it sounded so cool, sophisticated and all, but it was meant for people with a lower educational qualification and people with a lack of discipline. It's as if my life could not be any tougher. I've to spend 4 weeks more of hell at CDA as a special rescuer and post out to possibly get purged around for the rest of my 2 years in NS. And how does a guy who passed the interviews for non-frontline postings like medics course, failed miserably in his IPPT and have an A' levels qualification in his belt, could end up in a "shithole" like this? Only God knows, only Allah knows why.. Here in SRC (or SRP, SRB or whatever you want to call it), it was never about being "kilat" or standing out from the crowd. It's totally different from the days spent at NSTI. I thought by laying low and trying to be straight with the rules in CDA, I could survive this 4 weeks unharmed I was wrong. Here I am with a lot of people who were rowdy, doesn't follow instructions all the time and uncontrollable at times. It hurts to say this, but it really sucks being here with such people, constantly bugging me and pushing my patience to the edge. And with a tougher training like this, the thought of just going OOC was constantly on my mind, even until now. Nevertheless, it would be unfair to claim that everyone "thrown" into SRC having the characteristics said above. There was my bunkmate, Si Hao, who was a diploma holder that suffered the same fate as me. And then there was Rahman who was okay with me. It was partly because of such people that kept my fight going. Somehow, I was adamant to complete the course with them, going through it blow by blow. And everyday that passes becomes a day closer to our POC day, with a withheld promise of a better life at the stations...

   Unfortunately, the post ends here.

   Status update? Well, I did managed to passed out and got into the 3rd division Yishun fire station. Life was as good as what they told me. From it's "lepak" sessions, to it's 1 days work/2 days off work shift. Tan was posted to Tampines instead but Rahman actually was posted to the same station as me. It's just that we're laterally posted to a different sub-unit in there. As for the case, it's still ongoing with a high chance of getting a probation out of it. The lawyer was willing to get me the probation (of course with a hefty price) but with an unfortunate and inevitable consequence. I may have to be remanded for 21 days in prison for a probation report. Nevertheless, it's still under discussion and pre-trial conferences. All I can do now is to pray to Allah S.W.T that I don't need to face such consequence. Only He can change my fate right now. <3 font="font">

Insecurities

   So it's the 10th week already ever since I've stepped into NSTI and lay the foundation of the start of a new life, called NS. Over the past years, I've been hoping and waiting for a chance to change myself, both physically and mentally. Moreover the year leading towards NS had been tough and it made me question the idea of having a future after NS. Somehow NS had taught and opened my mind to many ideas. It kept me questioning about matters such as moral values, the "significances" of a higher education qualification in the eyes of NS, doing what's right instead of what's easy and knowing the true limits to your mind and body. It also kept me wondering about the life beyond NSTI, the life waiting for me after NS.
   
   It would be a lie to say how envy I was seeing bunkmates having girlfriends or fiancées comforting them after they book-out from camp. No, I am not keen into entering a relationship so hastily just for the show of it. But it started to make me feel insecure about myself at times. The thought came to me earlier during my 2.4 km run, when I reminiscent those days during my secondary school and JC. I was never intending to compare them to my current life in NS, instead I was wondering what went "wrong". No, I do not want to re-enter into another ridiculous social chase or climbing up that stupid ladder of popularity. Then I saw distinct people like Shalom and Aqeel, who may look introvert at the first impression, but sometimes present themselves and communicate well with others even better than myself. Why?

   The problem about social fitting and trying to blend in is not uncommon to me. In fact, I'm seeing the same problem in my sister as well. Contrary to what people may perceive, we are fluent academically but it's as if we lacked a whole lot of EQ, important in surviving in this world today. It's not as if I'm hated by everybody who knows me. It's just that I don't get along well enough with others sometimes. This "issue" founded the "problem" behind the meltdown last year with YY, the fallout between Ruzia and now, the "stranger-zone" with Lina. Apparently she wasn't keen enough to call me out for her birthday celebration after I've got to know about it from Will and Daryl, who were invited. At that point, I just felt like giving up completely this whole 'problem". But seriously, what is wrong with me?

   Somehow I was too busy trying to mend my own mistakes that I've accepted too much of criticisms to the point of being bullied. Indirectly, it had made me less confident about myself. Yup, I may have an A-Levels cert., a place in uni waiting for me and now even a better looking body. But what's the point if people still looked at me the same way, with all the same critique and comments? I don't want to earn fame; I hated fame. I just want to be simple, just like the people around you.The influences given by my bunkmates may be good at times, but there were instances where I began to question such influences. It's so easy, too easy to utter out such motivational clichés such as to always be yourself and not to be too deterred by other's misplaced words. But where do you draw the line for change, when what you want is to be better but you slowly lose the sense to distinguish between the right and wrong in the process?

Dear Aziz,
   Bro Adam here. Life is never easy, but always be positive. Words may hurt our feelings, but words like this keeps us motivated. Remember, I know very well you can do it, so tell yourself everyday, upon everything, that you can do it!!!
Much respect,
Adam a.k.a Fattboy

   That last message left by my bunkmate before he was transferred out reminded me again of that same question that bothered me the first time I stepped into NSTI. What did I come here for? There may be only 3 more weeks to POP but the NS journey is still long ahead. The life after NS is still unknown yet sketched in the blueprints of my mind. So another question came into focus : What do I exactly want in life?

Halfway gone

   It's the 9th week already and so many things have passed. Here we are now at the BRT stage, waiting for the next fit-intake to come in and watching some of my bunkmates crossing over to SCC. Seriously, if I could blog every moment captured in the bunk and the field, I would have gladly done so. And blabbering long-winded stories about everything that happens in camp would just spoil the fun of it. So where do I start, as there's too many things that crossed my mind throughout these weeks, but too little time to tell?

   Nobody said that NS is going to be easy. I've already understood that since the first day I've stepped into NSTI, cleared up my area and bunk and joined my platoon for the first time. It becomes more complex when I still have 2 cases pending behind my back, with a possibility of getting charged and losing my future altogether. So my mindset was to change everything within these 2 years of NS with the hope that my future still exist. Throughout the 9 weeks, my relationship with my platoon mates and bunkmates has been somewhat on a rough patch. Deemed "Blur c***", "Stupid A' level student", "Brainless idiot", "Useless f**king maturity" etc. , it can really take a toll on anybody including me (and thanks Allah S.W.T that I've not beaten up anybody yet). Since I've started with a mindset pointing towards a change, I've accepted such criticism and tried to make a change, just to be shot with even more criticism. It came to the point that I felt that people was babysitting me altogether. It was then that I took up a stand and told them that I was capable of making decisions on my own without putting anybody into trouble. That did not helped either. I've thought that all this while, I'm considered introvert and it would be disastrous to seek help from anyone to rectify this (case example : IJC). Now that I'm here for the full-time and not "part-time" as in my schooling years, it just doesn't change anything much. I don't know what else to do or react anymore. So once again I saying this : an A' level student is not a genius and they are not warranted against any mistakes. It also means that they do have flaws and sometimes these flaws are much more bigger than those with a lesser education qualification. The A' level only means that they are good academically, not necessarily practically. Hopefully this will allow a paradigm shift in mindset among my bunkmates and platoon mates (eventhough it may all be too late). The status quo is that I'm trying to shut my mouth more often and just go with the flow. Their criticism may be right in some ways if you think about it. Accepting change is important, but when do you make your stand that what you're doing is already right?



   Within such conflicts, there were still many fun moments to treasure. From games, medical week, the jokes that had been shared, punishments that were done together...and Footdrill Comp. Footdrill Comp. saw us defending our title against the other companies in a series of footdrills and uniform inspections. A lot of time and effort was sacrificed by many and as usual, I was marked by many to c*** up during the day itself. In the end,  the whole platoon did well, including me. However, we still lose the trophy due to a poor PC phase, futile bangs and a lacklustre attempt at winning the uniform inspection. We went back with no trophy in hand and a 3rd place to be content with.


   At the end of this PTP stage, we saw everyone improved physically from the IPPT results (mine's getting closer to that pass! ;)). Passes for IPPT are getting larger in number and hopefully everyone can pass by the 13th week. The new BTP stage would see more rescue training instead of physical training. And frankly speaking, this is turning more and more like The Hunger Games in my opinion, with all the cameras, trainings, dorms, fighting to survive notion and all (of course, not inclusive of the arena and all those "fight till the death" games..). With POP getting closer, hopefully things would change from now on, insyallah. And it's only 5 more weeks to POP ohh!!!

New-found realisation

   And then there is 5 weeks already. It seems like a blink of an eye that more than a month had passed since I've been a soldier. And beyond all the trainings and the times spend in the bunk talking cock with my bunkmates, there are so many things that were learnt and yet to be learned by me. There were too many things I've wanted to tell out about my life as a recruit down there but maybe there's not much time (with book-in timing being too early and all..).


   I kind of agree that NS turns out to be more of a learning journey rather that a physical torment like what others may had perceived. I have been through a whole regiment of discipline, training and survival to realise that there are some things that I may still need to learn. Contrary to popular beliefs, A-levels students ≠ Genius. And more often than not, people like me may not be the best in adapting to new environments nor getting along very well with anybody. This also includes the familiar arrogance that may have come from studying so high, until closing the room for improvements and realisations. But fret not, as NS has its way of making people change their ways (well at least for that whole 2 years you're in there). Sometimes, all it takes is for you to let your egoistic guard down and eat some humble pie to improve yourself. It's not easy doing so but if done, it can really change yourself (note to myself too). It was proven time and time again to me - from getting ready and being early for lessons, footdrill com. , talking to bunkmates and even during lights out. You may not feel it, but sometimes your attitude, which you may have perceived to be good, is not good to others viewpoints instead.


   On the other hand, eating what others fed you too much may not be too good afterall. Some of their influence may not be good, sometimes even wrong religiously. Hence, you should have your standpoint of your own to know what's right and what's wrong. Change should be for the better and never for the worst. At the end of the day, one should be always open to good changes and advises from others but never follow everything that others do. Especially for NS, it's all about going with the flow but knowing what to do.


   So now we're down to 7 more weeks left, with 4 weeks to fit-squad coming in and  BRT phase kicking in. Hopefully I'll pass my IPPT too soon as right now it's just stagnant. Anyway there'll be more things to come and hopefully I'll have more time to share it in my blog. Till next time - 7 more weeks to POP oh!!! <3

National Service Lifestyle

   And so it's been 3 weeks in ever since I've enlisted into SCDF. Life haven't been easy and that the training can get quite tough sometimes. There's so many things that had happen in there so where do I start? I don't know. But I'd really want to share my experience down there.


   The people there were okay (well, at least my bunkmates). Of course there were some people who just can't take the heat and would always "sabo" others (in other words - sabotage). The instructors, however, were painful at times, mean at others and weirdly nice on occasions. Although there were a few instructors that were okay like LCP Zul and LTA Ashraf, the rest was... nevermind. So, as for the training, it's hell and all at first (not to mention how tiring it is), but you'll get used to it and have fun in the end. However, "tekan" session is a no-no. Just try not to get punished for something stupid (a word of advise..). The routine's somehow always the same - Morning exercise, area cleaning, PT, route march, foot drills, PT again, water parades etc.. This makes you really feel like "this is so NS".


   For something new, there are the stories we shared so far. The fightings, joining the Foot Drill Com. for the thrill of it (and also the incentives! ;) ), encouragements and the times spent in the bunk mimicking instructor's voices and blasting music and talking. Yes, I'll miss all these times when I POP in September but as for now, I'd just feel dreaded having to leave home every weekdays. Somehow NS became an eye opener for me as I began to see myself in a different perspective. I learned a lot about how much I've changed from the times in the N' levels until now. Now I saw with my own eyes how I've changed to the worse in there. It made me realise how arrogant I am even though it's so obvious that I'm so frail and stupid in adapting to the environment here. Somewhat NS has provided me a route to changed myself again - to the better ; I'm finding my identity again back in that place.


   So 10 weeks left to POP and there's so many things left to be done in there like IPPT and Foot Drill Com.. So all I can just hope now is that I'll survive the "hell" there and pass out remembering the good times (and bad times) I've had there. As for now, I'm just trying to survive there (Oh, did I tell you how similar it felt like being in The Hunger Games as in NS?!). <3

The Fighter

   This is my first post since my enlisting on 14 June 2012. It's my first book-in and already I can feel the heat and pressure wringing out of me from NS life. However, that was not only the thing that's got me worried in my mind. It is about what happened on 12 June earlier.


   Just like what happened on 20 May, it happened again. This time, I got caught shoplifting my NS stuffs again elsewhere. Like I said, I'm in a huge trouble when it comes to cash and that my family's in a dire situation right now. It's just the thought that ran into my mind, that it was my last break and that I would never do such a thing when I'm in NS. But a mistake's still a mistake, and I was caught doing it again this time. The same experience was felt by me and that I even had to lead the police to the CCTV that shows the footage of me doing my follies. And this time, they might be charging me and putting me behind bars for all that I've done. I admit that this is all my fault and that it was not only about the crime, it's more about the way I've changed into a "devil" unrecognisable by myself. Even though ever since the first time I was caught, I followed every advise given by the officer to search for alternatives such as approaching the CDC (Community Development Council), finding my dad and even help my mom go look for a job, those are just long-term solutions and it did not help my current plight. And this is what happens. Thus, when I was bailed out by Uncle Peter again, I went into a nervous breakdown. Fortunately and thank God, my mom and sis were safe and taken care of by Auntie Jeba and Uncle Steven. However, there weren't much time left and I was supposed to enlist on that day. So I've enlisted only 2 days later..


   The first week of BRT was ok. I'm still trying to get accustomed with the routines, ranks of officers, marches etc. Thank God again that I've survived the first week without much physical training or PT and just some minor marches. But what intrigues me is my mentality in there. It was more of the worries that I'm having that is affecting me and my interactions with my bunkmates. My bunkmates and buddies are okay, with a majority of Malays, some Chinese and a blend of Indians (including PRC's lol).  But maybe I'm just not used to being away too long with my family, facing troubles both in camp and outside and facing more problems all over again. However, I was thankful that my attitude's changing ever since I've entered NS. It was back to praying on time again and trying to be more nicer to other's, especially my family. Now, all I just wished is that all my problems would just go away, just like the wind passing by.


   The next weeks gonna be hell week with lots of PT and marches and "Tekans" (ie. punishments). Hence, I'll have to fight my way through next week with a survivalist mentality. With my bail time also looming and family issues that are yet to be settled, I'm really stressed out right now. The next 3 months are gonna be the toughest moments of my life and I couldn't stop crying thinking about it. But I must be strong, at least for my family and Allah S.W.T. I'm just wishing to leave it all to Him and let him decide my fate and future. And so I will, insyallah.. <3

Army Daze

   So if you haven't already know. I'm going to enlist for National service on this Tuesday, 12 June at 0800 hours (Chey!!). I'll be heading into Civil Defence and frankly speaking, I don't have much idea of what I'm about to get myself into. But I'm kinda excited to find out what it's like and to gain new experiences (and be more "manlier' after this process lol.), especially what to bring and how to survive in there. So a friend of mine actually made a list of To-Do's before and while in camp. Hope that this would be useful for anyone else serving NS in Singapore (a.k.a Every Singaporean's Son lor!). <3


P.S :- Some of the tips may only apply to people serving the army but do take note of most of the stuffs written in there.

BMT SURVIVAL GUIDE (By Anurag Srivastava)

CONTENTS

THERE IS NO NEED TO GIVE 100%, JUST GO WITH THE FLOW, FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS AND STAY SAFE. 

SAF doesn’t reward those who do more than what’s required, they only punish those that do less than what’s required.

SAF doesn’t reward those who do more than what’s required, they only punish those that do less than what’s required.

ARMY SHOPPING

Here’s a list of stuff that I’ll recommend you to equip yourself with before going into NS as a chao recruit:

Remember to bring along everything your enlistment letter says you must.

Enough underwear for 2 weeks. Otherwise it’s gonna be “survivor: tekong”…

Slippers. Useful for toilet visits.

4  rolls (or more) of black tape. You’ll need it for many different things like your webbing, helmet etc… it’s the SAF’s miracle tape lah in short.

Prickly heat powder. 2 large bottles would be good. Essential for keeping yourself comfortable and needed to prevent foot rot, especially when you’ve got sweaty socks. I recommend getting “Lavender” flavour, the original one just makes you smell like a grandmother. Plus you realise you will get rashes and itch and weird areas suddenly.

Clothes hangers and pegs. Good for hanging your laundry and clothing in your bunk. I would recommend about 10 hangers and 20 pegs, though it won’t hurt if you really wanna bring more.

A pouch of coins. That’s for buying drinks from the vending machine at your company line. Trust me, it’ll be something that would really perk your morale level when you’re freaking shack. Plus you can trade coins for notes when they are in low supply, black market style, ($5 for 4 dollars worth of coins, something like that)

Dry rations. By this I mean stuff like biscuits, chocolates etc. Food is really a great morale booster especially since you’ll get hungry easily somehow… dun bring in pork products tho. “Things” are said to have happened cos of this, if you get what I mean.

Black marker. Good for labelling your stuff with. You will be given one though,

A black pen, a pencil & an eraser. Sounds retarded but you’ll need it to fill in forms and shade in oms forms. I was given a stationery set, with all these inside but you might not be so lucky.

Medication that you need, and also some you dun. Bring along panadol, flu medication, cough syrup, medicated oil, plasters and stuff like this. You don’t want to fall sick on IPPT day because they’ll count it as though you fail it if you miss it and that means staying back on weekends like i did.

Vitamin C. Recommended to help offer resistance against falling sick, especially against “tekong cough”. TAKE TWICE A DAY, the tekong cough will invade even the strongest of bodies it is unavoidable.

Watch – good to tell the time with…

Zip lock bags. There are different sizes on sale in the army market at beach road. You
should aim to get a variety of sizes. Bring plenty cos you dun want to run out. 7 giant and 5 medium Ziploc bags is a good start. On top of these, which will be used for various things like field camp, bring along normal plastic bags to keep your dirty clothing in when you book in. Ziplocs will be issued to you, but you could run out of them, get the army ones from the Pasir Ris interchange they are the real size and thick enough so they don’t tear when you put your muddy shit inside.

Washing powder, especially since you’ll be confined so you definitely need to wash your clothes. No washing machines are provided in BMT so you do it the old-fashioned style… with a pail. Put it into an old water bottle so it looks like a handy container you can bring into the toilet.

Handphone. No camera handphones though, and no chargers allowed. Someone told me that it’s cos tekong runs on generators… you get the picture. Bring along additional phone batteries if you really wanna call your loved ones 24/7. There are portable chargers by energizer so you could get one of those, or borrow them from ex-recruits like me. You can smuggle chargers in actually, my friends and i got lucky with it, try to bring them on the very first day because they don’t do a bag check on the FIRST ENLISTMENT day.

3 sets of admin shirts and black shorts, plus 2 pt vests. The SAF would give you only 2 sets of each, but mostly it’ll be used for your stand-by bed. No need to get them before enlistment if you really want to save money, because there’s something called EMART credits where you can get them “for free”, but it really depends when they let you visit the emart. If you must, buying more admin shirts is better than buying pt vests since you can re-wear the singlets for the PT lessons over and over again if you don’t mind the moistness of your sweat.

2 padlocks, one small and one large one. You will be given one, but you might want another spare in case it fails or you don’t like twisting that damned knob.
Black duct tape. It’s used for tacticalisation, especially during your field camp. Basically it’s just taping all your shiny objects like your prickly heat powder bottles. Take note that it’s much broader and definitely different (duh!) from black tape. Not really really THAT important.

Garters. These are elastic bands used to tuck in your uniform longs. Get extra though, cos easy to lose… especially when putting your boots on at 5 am in the morning outfield.

Shoe brush. Needed for applying kiwi onto your boots. Will be given, though you might want to keep one in your field pack and one for use, aiyah just borrow from your buddy la.

Personal hygiene items – soap, shampoo, shaver, TOILET PAPER (cos some companies dun provide), toothbrush, toothpaste. The SAF does provide these items, but you will need one set for your outfield use. Trust me on this… more on this later. Dont be a cheapo and bring hotel bottles, you will be confined for the first 14 days AT LEAST, so if you want, even get the pumping bottles! You might bathe more than once a day somemore.

2 pairs of SAF white socks. Needed for moving about in your admin & PT kit. You will be given, but sometimes the laundry doesn’t dry in time or whatever, there are new designs on sale, shorter length with a brown square at the bottom, get those, they look cuter. Same applies with the extra PT vests and admin, they are available at the emart “for free” if you don’t wanna spend $$ on the army.

Bring along stuff like books, a radio, discman and other stuff like that to fight off boredom. Some companies are very strict about self-burnt CDs, MP3 players and stuff so dun bring them until you find out if you can. Musical instruments like guitars are also allowed. Cards are a no-no, but as long as you dun get caught… (but still a bad idea cos you will get caught). VERY VERY IMPORTANT, because after awhile you really do get bored of talking cock at the common table with a bunch of guys.

Orange cloth for your rifle cleaning, or blocking your personal cupboard compartment.

Fetherlite for your rifle cleaning. 2m would be more than enough for yourself. The company should provide but you could get some for yourself to avoid having to chase down the guy who holds it all and just clean your rifle in ppeace.

Rags for your area cleaning. Magic-clean also recommended, we brought in the magic clean stick somemore, so our bunk was super clean without having to use a wet mop to wipe it because doing so would really stink up the room and that would mean no walking around while the wet floor dries, SUPER troublesome.

Window cleaner for your area cleaning. (not that important)

Old newspapers for your area cleaning, especially windows. Newspapers will be given, so no problem there.

Nail clippers cos they can conduct fingernail checks on you.

Photos (many many many) of loved ones to paste on your cupboard interior. For 2 reasons, one obviously it helps to see your loved ones in camp. Secondly, when they do cupboard inspection, they’ll be too busy admiring your photos to check the mess your cupboard is in, trust me i pasted 10 photos and never got scolded at all for crap in my locker. IT REALLY WORKS.
  

SETTLING IN

The first few days are going to be a pain in the ass trust me. Dont expect too much admin time, where you are allowed to slack in bunk because alot of things have to be done. Let us start from the very begininnig.

Bringing your parents, girlfriend, friends to tekong with you is a MUST. Girlfriend lends you extra street-cred but bring at least your parents along because if you have no parents they make you do shit even on the first day already, plus its just super depressing la.

After you say the pledge, have a final meal with your old folks and say goodbye they will whisk you away to collect your equipment, bags and all that shit. Be prepared to carry alot alot of shit. Make sure you do your equipment check properly, make sure you have everything inside that you are supposed to hav. Shouldnt be any big problems, everything should be inside unless you super suay. Put everything back where you found them or later you cant find them anymore, because next time when they ask you to find them you ask your friend where to find, then he say its in pocket X, but you act smart just now so its not there anymore, then prepare to DIE.

After dragging about 30 kilos of shit into your bunk, you will see your bed for the very first time! Just chuck everything one side, don’t be a hero unpack your items into the cupboard or take things out from your black duffel bag and put into your green field pack. Later when they ask you find them then you sure panic and die. 

The cupboard will look like this!

Top left: (PT KITS, ADMIN SHIRTS, SOCKS, UNDERSWEAR, SWIMMING TRUNKS)
Top right: (GREEN COLORED UNIFORM, SPARE TOWEL)
Bottom Left: Toiletries                                                                                                      
Lower Bottom Left: Drawer (usually they don’t check whatever’s inside so all your illegal shit like chargers hide inside here)
Even Lower Bottom Left: Stores (you’ll know what i mean, just dont put your own things insidehere)
Lowest Left: Personal compartment, they might ask you to cover it with an orange cloth, something like a curtain.
Bottom Right: Hangers, civilian bag,

When you get your shit, i recommend retaining your running shoes box and possibly one boot box, this is so you can put all the small small barang barang inside and they don’t get lost. You can fit the running shoe box into your personal compartment of the cupboard. The boot box you can hide inside your duffel bag which will be under your bed, and you can put random shit that you aren’t using inside so they don’t get lost. Or you could use it as your laundry box, putting all your dirty shit to wash inside for the moment, just make sure its hidden in your black duffel bag during inspections.

There will be alot of shit to do with your black tape and marker because you need to label your clothes (t shirts, shorts and singlets) as well as your water bottle, helmet and all that type of shit. They should provide you with the color tape to paste on your equipment and then you write your 4D number on it, you’ll understand when the time comes. So keep your marker and tape on standby.

Assembling your LBV and helmet will be a bitch, but go do it properly, its worth the trouble because later when one guy cocks up you’ll be laughing at how much time it takes for him to fix it. Helmet make sure its properly fitted, adjust all the straps, i mean ALL, it’ll serve you for 2 years so if it fits good then later it season onto your head shape, actually quite shiok lah.

There will be alot of shit to do, so ddont expect alot of time to use your handphone talk talk with your girlfriend/parents. Maybe after about 3 nights then suddenly there will be alot of time, and during confinement, there really is ALOT of time, so don’t get pissed off during the first few nights, manage your expectations, that’s something i didn’t do that well.

Make sure you reach a common understanding among your bunk mates as to what time to wake up, surely there will be one cockster likes to wake up super early to don’t know do what shit but in the end wake everyone up with his alarm but he himself don’t wake up. Make sure you give him one punch or throw his alarm clock away. Waking up before the stipulated time in the morning is not necessary if you have already prepared all your clothes and equipment you need the night before while talking to your girlfriend/parents on the handphone.

The first 5 nights will be really hard, just hang in there, don’t bother counting down the number of days, it doesn’t help anyone.

TRAINING

Major events in BMT:

Basic Trainfire Programme or BTP. Basically it’s your live range using your rifle.

IPPT evaluation. Somewhat like your NAPFA, but of different standards. Getting gold is hard cos you’ve gotta run below 9:45mins! Somehow you’ll get damn fit inside there, so don’t worry. Aim for silver, that’ll get you into command school for sure.

Field camp. 7 days out in the wilderness. Prepare to get dirty and putting camou cream on your face while moving about to practice your individual field craft.

SITest. The opportunity for you to experience combat missions and know what it is like to command.

SOC evaluation. Nothing like your normal playground cos it’s one shack run of 700m + 11 obstacles + 600m at one go.

For BMT, only the SOC is non-essential in determining your final posting after BMT.

Your posting is actually already decided before your enlist, when you do your IQ test. If you are JC/POLY, just get an ippt silver, don’t be a blur cock in bmt, you should breeze into sispec at the very least. Dont be a hero and chiong for OCS, it doesn’t pay off, unless you can get IPPT GOLD. Pass SOC, and have good educational results.

Other things include, hand grenade throwing, running, dumbbell drills, swimming and route marches. Just follow instructions, DONT give 100% because its not worth it hahaha.

RANDOM TRICKS

Toilet: You WANT AND NEED to get to the toilet first at times, therefore...
Keep your locker lock at the very last number, so all you need to do is tug and the lock is open!
Put your soap, shampoo facial wash at the edge so you can grab and go.
Don’t take your new clothes along with you, just come out with your towel covering your balls, changing naked in the bunk is better than bathing last.
Sometimes you might wanna bathe with your underwear on and therefore you can use your body soap and wash it while you’re bathing. This saves alot of time since you can save trips to the toilet doing laundry if you re-wear your other clothes. Remember changing underwear is super important.

Route march: its one hell of a pain
Make sure you get to the front of the marching column, the pace is slower there, so its easier to breathe.

EAR TRUNKS, TIGHTS, abrasions are a pain and you confirm will kena if you just wear normal underwear. Be prepared to walk like a crab if you do not listen to me.(or just buy anit-chafting cream, lotion, powder)

Field Camp
Don’t get your rifle stolen or lost, make sure its with you at all times or say goodbye to Saturday and Sunday. Even when you go fill up your bottle or piss, IT MUST BE WITH YOU!
Don’t become the IC, because you’re just going to pump 100 for breakfast, 200 for lunch and 300 for supper.
They are just going to rape you inside out upside down during these few days, just take it, they have to do it, look forward to the day they give you a letter from your parents. Some basterd commanders may burn it, but what they are burning is a fake one so CHILL.
Field camp is the time to pretend you are not feeling well, seriously they are damn scared when you complain dizzy or feeling faint. They will let you take off your vest, shirt and just hide under a tree. Your friends may not like you if its damn obvious you fake so act nicely please.
Insect repellent will save your life, it may sting and suck to put it on, but seriously you wont regret it, put it over your collar, helmet, sleeves and pants. The jungle is so full of shit.
Get wet wipes, helps you feel refreshed at the end of the day and helps get rid of the camo very easily.

Remember that every day is one day closer to your bookout, which they cannot push back because they must make it onto the ferry at the designated time, so don’t worry if they lie to you say they can push it back, DIE OR DIE they MUST make it onto the ferry on time so don’t panic.

Muscle aches, disappointments, punishments, dirty jokes, mental challenges etc. are all part and parcel of BMT life. Manage your expectations, this is the army after all. Its no holiday resort mate, but each passing day brings you closer to your POP where you can toss your cap into the air and F*** OFF from that place called pulau tekong.

And remember to pass this around to all your friends who are enlisting soon…

Good luck friends

Joel
September 2010

The Spark

   We'll been facing problems throughout our lives, no matter how far we run or how we face it. Some may choose to face it head on rashly, like taking a bull by it's horns, and most of the time ending up in undesirable results and consequences (though some may be lucky to solve the problem still). And then there are others who have a well crafted idea or a systematic plan of attack to solve the problem, or at least circumvent the issue at hand. But most of us (well, at least me) tend to run away and escape from the problem. Whether you take up sports like running or swimming, or you take up dangerous habits like smoking, drugs or alcohol, you're just basically trying to run away from the problems you're facing. At the end of the day, you can only run so far until the problem becomes bigger and eat you up to the point of no return. However, all is not necessarily lost sometimes. All it takes is a spark, a wake-up call, for you and the others to get back to their senses and solve the problem, whether they like it or not.


   It's so obvious that I'm having a huge problem when I'm the only one working and paying the bills at home, while mom's been "too busy" on Facebook all the time (probably she just had enough of working in the past, trying to solve her own problems, and was too tired to face it again), and Dad's been MIA for 2 months. So it all comes down to me to make my family survive, with my meagre pay or to lend, borrow or even steal. Moreover, the house was in a mess so it makes it more stressful being in there that I would rather go out. Sometimes it's just hard to understand desperation until you really face it yourself. So hinging on my pay, and my desperation to survive, I took the stealing idea practically and got away quite a number of times with a good cash in hand after the goods are sold. But everyone, including me knows that this would not last. Although this spree was in fact a defence mechanism rather than for pleasure, like I said, it would not last very long. But my mom could not see the idea behind this, that the fact that I'm trying to tide the family until she finds a proper job altogether. I'd really do not want to go on about how I wished for a better life, a life similar to the peers around me like Harith and Arif as I've already accepted my fate. All I just wanted is for her to realise that. And it takes a spark..
   
   On 20 May, at 8pm, I was caught stealing at Causeway Point at the nearby Courts after work (nope, I'm not wearing my uniform at that time..). It was not that I wanted to get caught (that's crazy!), but I'd already knew that this could happen. They were not happy and was not willing to give me a chance so they called the police. To cut a long story short, I was arrested, cuffed and spend a night in lock-up without my parents knowing about it. Throughout my time in lock down, the food there was, well, as expected. I shared the same cell with another Muslim Bangladeshi worker and a Chinese Along runner (nope, not my workplace version of runner..). Sleeping on the floor was still quite okay and the fact that the toilet's in the cell itself makes me relieved instead of choking on my food. However, many things are running through my mind. How will my mom find out about this? Who will be able to bail me? When will I get to see the IO (Investigating Officer)? What will happen after this? Breakdowns occurred. I couldn't stop crying, thinking, wishing for a better life. It was my idea to give my family a better life, but I'm just a 20 year old guy. I've failed to succeed in my studies, failed in playing the social game and even failed in relationships. How could someone like me succeed against all odds to bring a better life for my family and be better myself? It's just something I couldn't fathom, let alone reach. Most of my time spent in there was on prayers, still believing that somehow, somewhere, He has goodness planned for me and my family after all this have ended..


   21 May, 3 pm. I'm still in my lock-up waiting for the OI to speak to me before I'm able to post bail. I've already given up on getting my job back, especially after not being able to work as I'm still stuck here and the fact that I'm caught at the same mall that I worked in (not to mention the guards who actually recognised me..). I've already taken it that the news must have spread around at work and there's no point in defence. When the OI met me shortly later, I told him my side of the story and fortunately he was a very nice guy. He was willing to understand my predicaments and would try to appeal for a warning instead of jail time and a fine. Later, I called my auntie to post the bail and waited for my uncle to come instead. It took longer than expected, so I did my prayers while waiting for him. Suddenly, my cell mate wanted to join in congregated prayers. After the prayers, I saw him weeping. It made me realise how much prayers could affect someone's soul and even changes them. I can see in his eyes and feel the pain he's suffering. That's when I feel that this incident was meant to be, for me to realise my mistakes and how much I've changed to the worse until now. At 7.30 pm, after a brief dinner in the cell, my uncle posted bail and send me home. I called up the office to get the news that I'm fired, as expected. The following morning saw me giving back my uniform without a word uttered about my reasons to suddenly quit from the job. For all they knew, it could be from other reasons. Only Diviyanth, a friend of mine at work, knew what happened.


   Ever since that day, things changed in the house (well, kinda..). I took more effort to get down to CDC to ask for financial help and try to solve my mom's working issues and my house rent. I've made my family to do a spring cleaning of the house before I enlist and I've tried to find dad, fortunately enough to find him. With the effort that I've tried to set the ball in motion, hopefully that goal of making my family self-sufficient again would be reached. But somehow, there's still the worry inside of me that it would not work. Now I can only pray hard that mom would come to her senses quickly. Only time will tell and only He can decide. But the spark is what we need, and it is what we got. <3

The enemy within

   It has never been easy to accept your mistakes as it translates to weakness in your part. But somehow you soon have to realise that you are your biggest enemy and that no one can hide away from the enemy within. Just like what Muhammad S.A.W said... The strongest of men are the ones who could fight the nafsu within. The "nafsu", or as I would aptly call it the devil inside you, is somewhat of an invisible enemy. No amount of jabs and kicks could win it, and all you have is the tenacity of your heart to find the good inside to defeat it. And this "thing" inside of you encompasses a whole lot more than what you think.

   One of it could be unmistakeably be love. The aspect of it could vary from jealousy, denial and sometimes hatred. That was what I felt when "YY" dropped by the cinema with her girlfriends to watch 21 Jump Street. When I first saw her again, it felt like a cruel joke to me, thinking that she would appear here whereas she lived in the West. But when I met her again, it felt like all the emotions came crashing down on me and I'd reacted like an idiot in front of her (what's new??). Initially, I felt like the rekindling of past feelings of mine, of love and care, that I continuously watched over her during work as she watched the movie. Soon thereafter, it felt like I'm stalking her and that I'm the one that haven't moved on and not her. I moved on to watching The Raid - Redemption (which coincidentally was a really awesome movie!!)  for a while to cool myself off. The hatred then come, wishing that I could take revenge for that rejection she gave me and the fact that I should be the one she's going out with. There's a teardrop about to trickle down from my eyes when I realised that it's futile to brood over such past. It's a mistake I should never create again. I should never trust love again.

   Another could be the unintentional arrogance and denials. After being late for a series of times (my bad..), the triple managers - Saha, Zee and Marichu had a discussion with me after my break. At first, it was all about my lateness and how am I going to handle it. After giving my word that I would never be late that frequent again, Zee pulls out another blow onto my face. Apparently somebody ratted out about me snacking food too frequently from the kitchen. Although its a silent consensus among the workers there (Seriously, just like the argument of masturbation..), somebody felt that I should take the fall for it. Just when you think that it could not get any "better", Marichu blew open about staffs complaining that I'm not a good worker and that I should be fired instead. That comment pushed me off the edge as I'd immediately sent out a flurry of defence on my part, to show to them that I'm not pushover. But words said can never be undone, and I've lost the battle there. I'm now on probation until Wednesday. 

   I was not angry at anyone (actually there's some anger with some) but myself. It was that arrogance and denial, the same one that killed my dreams during the Big One and 2 years ago, that caused me to think that I'm superior over these under-educated people and the fantasy that I've known how to play the "game" all too well. I've been too obsessed into such thinking that I've let them get into my head. It was never a coincidence when what the 3 managers said and what my mom reiterated turned out to be the same. It was that stupid arrogance and that denials that caused my failure 6 years ago, 2 years ago, my diminishing attitude towards everyone and now, possibly my job. It just ascertains this when all I could think initially was how to get back at them. If I never get my act back together in time, I might obliterate myself altogether.

   Those above were not the only things that "nafsu" entails, but it is sure as hell was my weakness from the beginning. It turns out to be the root of every problem I'm currently facing. However, you yourself are not the only enemy within, for there are other people waiting and hoping for you to breakdown. It's just life and there will always be people like that. Because when I heard Zul and Ryan talking about my good relations with Ruzia and Jasmine, Seri about the lost temperature gun, Aziz (not me, another guy..) saying about me being late and in the black book of the managers and Diviyanth overhearing a racist comment about himself from the managers, I'd already knew that I have enemies within and I have a rough idea who they are...

"Mine"set

   Sometimes it's not as easy as usually perceived to distinguish between right and wrong. There is that fine line between doing something that is dubiously right and doing something that is obviously right. There are times where you have to accept that what you thought and perceived to be right, may not be right afterall. And no matter how hard you try to find the right move in this game of life, sometimes the right thing to do is to leave it to Him to decide. But the question is how are you going to leave it to him to decide without making the decisions in the first place?


   My recent dress down by Farah, one of the managers, slaps me back me into reality. Although it was totally my fault, coming late too frequently and all, but it was her word that caught me. She was reprimanding me of the numerous times that I've said sorry but didn't meant it. Does this means that your sorry are not valuable and had no meaning, that you kept saying that just to get out of trouble? What if you got the job that you want, that determines your rice bowl, and you treat it like you're the priority and not the job? You won't last even a while in that job!  That reminded me of the possible job that I've wanted all along, that dream job at USGS and how I might lose it all if I go on having such an attitude. No, it was never only about punctuality. It's about my attitude as a whole. All this while, I thought I was doing good all over the place that I felt so righteous. Such a feeling soon developed into arrogance and jealousy, thinking that I'm superior than many other teens my age and perceiving the bad of those who have done well in life (like Aisyah and Sumi during the Big One results, or Zulfiqar's clean streak of not getting reprimanded). That thinking constantly bugged me, convincing me that they have done so much wrong as compared to me and that they don't deserve such honours. I deserved all of it, fighting against His will with my actions.


   This realisation had appeared to me too many times, from my mom telling me off about my deteriorating attitude, from the Woodlands CC where I could've gotten a scholarship just like before, from Mr Zee telling me that my decision to retake the A's is just an act of jealousy on my part. And then I remembered my prime days. It was never about how successful I am in the past, rather it was more of my attitude during those years. I was never arrogant about my successes, was more helpful and humble to Him and my mom who have helped me all along. In a glance, looking at myself before and now, I've changed alot, being worse off instead. Maybe all this while, all I need is to find my way back to Him, to never desert Him whenever the smell of success is near and to never play Him out like He is disposable. Once again, until I can fix my attitude back into place, there is no point in thinking that success is something that is reachable. Even if I do get success someday, it would be tainted, a success that I wanted and not what He wanted. I would be walking on a tightrope until I eventually fall.. <3

PS : - Did I mentioned about finally getting my 1st university acceptance letter? Okay, I forgot.. -.- It was from NTU, saying that I've got a place in the Faculty of Science in the Physics/Applied Physics course.. XD I was jumping for joy like a mad man when I got it. I'm now one step closer to clinching that course, opened in 2013, Earth sciences and Engineering. All I need now is a transfer approval, Insyallah. Here's the letter, and may the odds be ever in your (and my) favour..